File Me Under "R"...

...for arrivederci...

(Figured I just HAD to toss out a Simpson's reference given the release of the Simpsons Movie...)

We're off for a week in the majestic White Mountains of New Hampshire. Gonna take the kiddies to Storyland and up Mount Washington, probably spend some time in the outlets doing the dreaded "Back to School" shopping, and generally relaxing for the week.

See y'all next week!

Seriously Good Stuff...

This is simply too good not to share. Ambulance Driver, Matt G., and BabsRN have written congruent stories sharing their experiences as they relate to a motor vehicle accident. Start with Matt G.'s version as the police officer who's first on the scene, then with AD in triage and transport, and close with BabsRN as the victims are brought to the hospital.

Simply fascinating. Riveting, even. Go. Read. I'll be here when you get back...

...

See? Well worth the read, weren't they?

(Welcome Matt G. and BabsRN to the blogroll, too...)

For me, this series of posts hits home doubly hard. Dad G. is a retired state cop. Mrs. G. works in the local hospital. My cousin Brian was a paramedic in his younger days. I've heard all of these stories before, from each of the perspectives mentioned. Matt, Babs, and AD tie everything together perfectly.

And for not the first (nor last, I fear) time, I am starting to seriously question the path my life has taken. I feel strangely empty inside, with a growing need to give something back...

Thank you, Matt, AD, and Babs, for sharing your stories with us.

Friday, Friday, FRIDAY!!!

Not only is it Friday, but I'm on vacation next week. Woo Hoo!

In that spirit, here's something special from the archives:


This is a World War I military issue Colt 1911. Not a 1911A1. An original, honest-to-JMB 1911. All original - finish, parts, even the grips are as it came from Colt some ninety years ago (I checked the serial # and found the year of manufacture to be 1917).


It is quite possible that this gun saw service fighting the troops of the Kaiser. Ain't that cool?

And that, my friends, is one of the biggest reasons I love this "gun thing". Where else can you hold history in the palm of your hand?

Sometimes Road Rage Is *NOT* the Answer...

Ever have the feeling that something is just a little out of place? I had one of those on the ride into work this morning.

Got caught in a "parade" behind a Mazda 626 going REALLY slow through the backroads. I'm talking 20-25 in 35-40MPH zones; slowing to a crawl for corners; coming to a dead stop for the street sweeper on the other side of the road. Irritating, to say the least.

Well, they finally turned off the road into a driveway. As a wave of relief of no longer being constrained by this slowpoke washed over me, I thought about giving a friendly blast of the horn and flashing Mr. Digit Hand Puppet, but something stopped me.

Turned and looked at the car, and it's a young girl at the wheel. Dad was in the passenger seat with his hand on her shoulder. He had to have been taking her out for a drive on her learner's permit. Now, part of me thinks that he should have had better sense than to take her out on that road right at the height of the morning rush. But another part says he's being smart, because she's going to have to face that road at that time, and better for her to get used to it now with an experienced driver than just sending her out on her own...

I'm glad I didn't beep, wave, or otherwise articulate my displeasure. An extra 3 minutes of driving time was well-worth the glimpse I got into 10 years down the road when it's time to teach my kids how to drive...

Motorhead Pet Peeve

Today's Motorhead Pet Peeve is "Badge Engineering". Specifically, the act of slapping a higher-end plastic badge on a vehicle, charging $15K more for it, and finding some stupid vain schmuck to fork over the extra $15,000 clams for it...

I mean, really. It's not a Cadillac. It's a Chevy Suburban with different plastic emblems. That's all. $50 and 20 minutes and I could turn a Suburban into an Escalade. Ditto Lincoln Blackwood - dude, you just spent an extra $20K on an F-150 fer crissakes...

I think the penultimate sin in badge engineering has got to be the Acura SLX. In the 1990s, Honda didn't have anything with which to compete in the exploding SUV market, so they bought Isuzu Rodeos and slapped Honda badging on them. For the Acura end, they wanted something bigger, so they used an Isuzu Trooper. Yes, you got that right, an Isuzu Trooper. The same vehicle that was prone to leaking 2+ quarts of oil in between oil changes, or whimsically seizing up the engine at odd intervals...

Of course, for sheer chutzpah in badge engineering it's hard to beat Toyota. They offer the Landcruiser at an insanely inflated price to begin with, then tack on an extra $20K+ for the privilege of having a "Lexus" plastic badge rather than a "Toyota" plastic badge...

---

Quick note to clarify: I don't begrudge the automakers for doing this, mind you. I want to slap the shit out of the imbecile, "image isn't just everything, it's the only thing" mindset of the automatons that buy these re-badged cars and trucks...

Language Lessons...

Here's one I've had brewing for a while. Finally time to dust off the "draft" and git-r-done...

---

Okay... Time for a brief grammar primer from your old buddy Jay. Please make a note of the various correct usages and spellings to avoid further visits from "Mr. Pain in the Ass Language Nitpicker". To those on the left side of the aisle, particularly those suffering from Bush Derangement Syndrome, keep this list handy to avoid making embarrassing mistakes when calling President Bush "stupid" or "moron" or other synonym for less-than-intelligent...

1. It's definitely. Not definately.

2. "You're" is the contraction for "you are". "Your" is the second person possessive.

3. "Their" is the third person possessive; "they're" is the contraction for "they are" and "there" is a pronoun or "dummy subject".

4. "It's" is the contraction for "it is". "Its" is the possessive form for an inanimate object.

5. "Weather" is rain/snow/sun/etc. "Whether" is a conjunction used to propose the first of two (or more) options.

6. "Where" refers to a place. "Wear" is what you do with clothing. "Were" is the past-tense for the first person plural.

7. "Embarrass" has two "r"s. Had to spell-check this one to make sure I wasn't putting up any spelling errors... :)

8. Other correct spellings of words that trip me up: "accommodate" and "occasion". Two "m"s, one "s", respectively, that give me trouble...



9. To. Too. Two. They're different. There is a time and place for each. One must be careful how one places their homophones.



10. Can't think of a #10, but the anal-retentive side of me couldn't let the list be only 9 items long...

Hump Day...

Hmmm. Two days in a row the ride to work has been uneventful.

This keeps up, I'm not going to have anything to write about... ;)

More as the day progresses...

Go. Read. Now.

Ambulance Driver has a very powerful post up today. If you read nothing else today, read this.

You'll alternately cry, laugh, and shake your head in amazement at the human condition displayed therein.

That is all.

Shit I Didn't Need to Hear...

Just got a call from Mrs. G. She got a call from a neighbor (the system we jokingly refer to as "hen-net") that not one but two houses on our street were broken into last night. Our street is roughly ¼ mile long, mind you, so this is WAAAAYYY too close for comfort.

Looks like Hagar the Horrible needs to be taken out and oiled. Just in case...

Hmmm. Evil, but not evil enough. How about something with a little more eeeevil?

If I had the proper bayonet for this I'd consider it as well:

In any case, an old friend is always close at hand...

The opportunity to post non-Friday gun pr0n aside, I hate this shit. A man's home is his castle. It shouldn't have to be a fortress...

BFI...

...Stands for Bad Fuckin' Idea...

Connected in Your Car

Danger, Will Robinson! Danger! Danger!

Automotive gadgets that will allow drivers, passengers and even
cars to be connected to the Internet like never before.

Am I the only person who thinks that this could quite possibly be the worst idea in the history of bad ideas?

Let me throw something out there: Vehicular deaths outpace firearms deaths by about four-fold. Many studies have shown that drivers who are distracted cause accidents, to the tune of over a quarter-million accidents every year.

And yet we now want to give people the internet in their cars? Excuse me, I have to go now, I have an appointment with the good people of International about my next family vehicle...

This truly puts the "madness" in the category heading. Expect MANY more rants if this trend continues...

Friday Gun Pr0n

Alternate title: Jay channels Flounder - "Oh, boy, is this GREAT!"

Sometimes, Baby Vulcan smiles on you and you find the right gun. More rare, however, is when you find the right gun at a price that makes you wonder if the seller knows what they have.

Without further ado, I present this week's firearm:

This is a Smith & Wesson Model 19-5 .357 Magnum. Xavier has a really good write-up of the Model 19 here, so I won't waste my fingers. Bought it from GOAL - Gun Owner's Action League (and folks, if you live in MA and support the Second Amendment, join GOAL. If you're a member, send in a donation. And make sure you make the Heritage Banquet in September).

They rated this gun as 80% finish. If this is true, then most of the guns I own, including some that I bought new, are 60% at best. Only the Model 17 is in as good a shape as this gun. I can't wait to see how it shoots - if it's anything like the 17 or the Model 10 I expect it will shoot MUCH better than I am capable of...

Here's another shot of the 19 in its native habitat:


I just HAD to make use of the extra police schwag I inherited from my grandfather... ;)

Oh, and as for the price... Let's just leave it that I paid half of a John Edwards haircut...

Assistance Requested...

No Looking Backwards has a favor to ask.

Go. Vote. Vote early, vote often...

Urge To Kill... Rising... Rising...

Alternate title: Yes, I still hate people.

Let's see. There was apparently a fire sale on stupid this morning. Going in chronological order from the time I left the house...

*Dude. You are driving a fucking Kia. It's approximately the size of my childrens' wagon. There is no reason on G-d's Green Earth why you had to swing out of your 2.5 car-wide driveway into 3/4 of my travel lane. If you can't handle the awesome power of a Kia, might I suggest something more your speed, like a pack mule?

*To the developer who sent one of his front-end loaders down the winding back road at 5 MPH: I hope you meet up with a rabid pit bull with AIDS. The lobotomized goon driving that bucketloader has no business being out in public, let alone handling heavy machinery. Your blatant disregard for the public way did not go unnoticed.

And in that same vein,

*To the nice officer who waved me around the construction right into the path of the dumptruck: Yes, that jogger had nice tits that were bouncing all over the place. However, the Kenworth that almost flattened me because you were paying more attention to the boobs on the broad rather than the boobs on the road didn't seem to care. Thanks for the burst of adrenaline, Officer Ogle.

*And Mr. "Ultimate Driving Machine" BMW: Note: When there is no oncoming traffic, it is safe to make a left turn through the intersection. You don't have to wait for the people two counties over. You were literally one second away from being pushed.

*Ah, the soccer dad in his Escalade: The fact that you paid $15,000 extra for a Chevy Suburban with $5 worth of plastic Cadillac emblems does not give you the right to ignore traffic laws and good ol' common sense. You are not lord and sovereign of the road because you own a re-badged Yukon.

*What the holy fuck is going on with people and stop signs? Folks, look, it's fucking simple. The red signs with eight sides mean STOP. Not "blow through without any regard for oncoming traffic"; not "take your foot off the accelerator for a microsecond", but FUCKING STOP. Cease motion. Let velocity = 0. DO NOT FUCKING GO.

*To the pathetic dude in the 'Stang - brother... really... While I appreciate your bid to be the "ultimate mid-life crisis stereotype", with the gold chains and bad toupee in the bright red sports car convertible, when you're traveling 15 MPH below the speed limit you might as well be driving a 1985 Buick LeSabre with a Landau roof...

*Mr. Sportbike: I'm not certain if lane-splitting is legal in MA or not, but when it's less than one light cycle's worth of traffic at the light you just look like a monumental asshole. It's impatient jerkwads like you that make people hate motorcyclists, which leads to them actively trying to kill me on my bike.

*To the stupid motherfucker delivering the morning newspaper: Jackass, watch what the fuck you're doing. You pulled over, dropped off the multiple bags of papers, then whipped back into traffic without even looking. You very nearly caused a multiple car accident, and I would have GLADLY taken time off from work to show up as a witness at the court trial.

*Lastly... To the fucking asswipe who honked at me while I waited at the stop sign: Eat shit and die, you offspring of a syphillitic whore and an orangutan. What the flying fuck did you expect me to do? Blow through the stop sign into oncoming traffic? Fuck you. You are DAMN lucky I didn't throw the truck into reverse and smash into you, and then claim you rear-ended me. Fuckstick. Here's hoping you stall on the train tracks after you go around the gate.

Wow. I need to get to the range...

The Muse, She Strikes Again!

The always entertaining Ambulance Driver posts about laying a most righteous smackdown. Go. Read.

It reminded me of one of the funnier incidents when I taught Biochemistry as a graduate student. Teaching the Biochemistry for non-Biochemistry major course and attendant laboratory exercises was a rite of passage for new graduate students. Not much older than the students we were teaching (and in quite a few instances, not even that), we were tasked with instilling the basic tenets of Biochem into those that were not Biochem majors.

For the most part, it was an enjoyable endeavor. I always tried to use everyday analogies to get concepts across to the, um, less technical members of the group - one of my favorites was explaining the importance of properly balancing the centrifuge by asking what happens in the clothes washer when you put three pairs of jeans on one side and one pair of socks on the other. Pretty much everyone knows what happens. Then I extrapolate it to the high-speed centrifuge:

"Yeah, but in this case, when it comes unbalanced it does more than just shake and wobble across the room. It launches that 15 pound rotor through the steel lid and the concrete wall next to it."

Got the message across.

Anyhoo...

We're doing a lab exercise on peroxidases and their effect on reactions. One of my students comes up to me, highly distraught. While pipetting material out of one test tube into another, she inadvertently broke the test tube, cutting herself in the process. Her concern was not so much the superficial cut, but that the chemicals in the tube had splashed on her open wound. She was frantic, in a near panic.

She was afraid that the chemical, H₂O₂, was poisonous or otherwise detrimental to her health.

I explained to her that H₂O₂ was more commonly known as hydrogen peroxide, and had been used for eons to prevent infections in wounds.

As soon as I said the words "hydrogen peroxide", the look on her face changed to a "I can't believe I just did that" kinda look...

And yeah, she was a nursing major...

Humbling...

Holy crap.

I just checked my referral logs. I am the #4 hit on Google for the word "gunnie".

Wow...

I Must Be Nearing the Big Time...

...for I have my first spam comment. Behold!

Anonymous said...
Hey, here is that website i was talking about where i made the extra cash.. later! i'm going to cali next week..check this out

Uh, no thanks.

Sooooo, what do y'all recommend for stopping this sort of thing? This is the kind of thing that I said "I'll worry about that when I get big enough to attract spammers"...

Help a Brother Out...

Ambulance Driver is in a funk. Go cheer him up.

[Leonard Nimoy] "No! The world needs laughter"

Watch This Space...

There will be a new acquisition for Friday's gun pr0n if all goes well this afternoon. Keeping a tight lip on things until the deal is sealed, but suffice to say, if everything goes the way I expect it will, I'll have a sweet new shootin' iron at a price that will rival any of Xavier's pawn shop finds...

The downside, of course, is that I have to spend the entire day thinking about this new acquisition. I feel like Calvin waiting for his official Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs propeller beanie...

I Wish I Was Making This Shit Up...

Michelle Malkin links to yet another brain excretion from Ted Rall.

I wish I could say it surprised or shocked me. But it doesn't.

I'm not even worked up about it, really. Rall proves, yet again, that he's a spineless coward without a freakin' clue. Yawn.

I will say this, though: I'll offer up $100 for the legal defense fund to any American soldier who stomps a mudhole in Rall's ass for this slap in the face.

$200 if it's a petite female soldier...

Things to Do Before I Die...

Just read one of those cheesy lists, and thought I'd take a stab at putting together my own list. Yeah, Monday mornings have a way of making one face one's mortality. At least when facing a soul-stripping week of Excel spreadsheets and sales figures... ;)

So here's "Jay's Top Ten List of Things He Wants To Do Before He Joins the Choir Invisible":

1. See my children's children.
2. Tour the USA, ideally on my Harley.
3. Buy a Corvette.
4. Learn to play the guitar.
5. Tour Italy to see the ancestral homeland.
6. Learn a martial art.
7. Actually vote for a Presidential candidate rather than against their opponent*
8. Three words: Hawaii-Australia trip.
9. Go hunting for deer.
10. Learn to dance.

*This one may perhaps be too optimistic

More Blogroll Additions

Today we've got a fellow Masshole, Kevin, over at Kevin's Korner. Kevin's also fellow member of the Northeastshooter's Forum (free plug, Derek), which is inhabited by the rarest of rare creatures, the MA gun nut.

I'm also adding HollyB from Holly's Hystrionics. Go. Read. You'll understand why...

What's Scarier???

Shopping at the local Mega-Lo-Mart this morning, I stumbled across something that made me fear for the future of the human race.

It struck me that I couldn't decide which was worse: That "ALF" had been put into DVD format and put up for sale, that there was a market for "ALF" on DVD, or that "ALF" actually ran for four seasons...

One More Thing...

Was listening to Aerosmith's "Rag Doll" on the radio this morning. Starting thinking (always a dangerous proposition). "Permanent Vacation" (the last decent Aerosmith album) came out in 1987 - I actually went to the New Year's Eve concert at the Boston Garden NYE 1987-1988.

I was 16 years old when this album came out. My son is twice as close to 16 as I am.

Yikes.

Someone find my cane and false teeth please...

Is It Just Me...

...or does anyone else hear the Bare Naked Ladies' "If I had a million dollars" and substitute "If I had a rocket launcher"?

I'm guessing it probably is just me...

Friday, Friday, FRIIIIDAAAAYYY!!!

TGIF y'all. Got my @$$ kicked this week, and next week's forecast is for more kickin'...

So, in that vein, here's something else that kicks ass:

A gen-yoo-wine Russian Makarov in the marginal .380 ACP caliber. Manufactured in Izhevsk by Izmech and imported by Big Bear Arms. Bought many many years ago as my first carry gun. Wonderfully accurate, sturdy as a hammer, and inexpensive (I paid less for this new with two magazines than I've paid for most of my beaters pre-owned guns.

Somewhere in the attic I've even got the cardboard box it came in along with the cheesy "leather" holster and cleaning rod...

Blogroll Additions

First up is buck and smijer from Tête-á-tête-tête. Buck's a frequent commenter here at MArooned, and I just noticed that he's got me linked at TATT. He's currently torturing himself on a diet like me, and smijer has recently quit smoking. Go wish them both well.

Second, here's SpeakerTweaker from Where Sometimes Things Go Bang. Want a quick addition to my blogroll? Say nice things about me:

Seems that there's a guy "MArooned" in a state with, how might one say, less than pleasant gun laws?

Seems this guy possess the ability to make me laugh hard enough to receive threats of violence from The Wifey if I wake up The Little Girl.

His name is Jay G, and frickin brilliant. He rants, he raves, he jokes, and can write well when the mood smacks him about the skull. Dude's good. Give him a read (and tell him I sent ya! I'm trying to get that count back out of the negative numbers. June was a lousy month for me!).

"Frickin brilliant". That's about the nicest thing anyone's ever said. I think I'm getting all verklempt...

Lastly, the standard disclaimer™: Folks, seriously, let me know when you add me to your blogrolls. I maintain a reciprocal 'roll. Shoot me an e-mail. Leave me a comment. Drive by my house and heave a brick through a window. Errr... Just let me know!

Another Milestone...

Someone asked me if I'd checked my Body Mass Index (BMI) with my weight loss. I'd tracked it before, but hadn't calculated it recently.

(Side note: BMI calculators can be found at both the CDC and the National Institutes of Health websites).

My BMI is currently 24.8. That is in the normal range. For the first time in my life, I am not overweight.

This is a weird feeling...

Scooter Trash PSA

Just got a reminder in my inbox. Next Wednesday, July 18th, is Ride to Work Day.

For the past, oh, six years I've been unable to participate in Ride to Work Day - it's a little hard to get one (and then two) small children home from day care on a motorcycle...

But this year, no issue (their grandmother watches them on Wednesdays now).

Life. Is. Good.

So, my fellow scooter trash gunnies, spread the word...

Fitness Update...

Had a follow-up appointment with my doctor last night. I've been off my blood pressure medication for four months now, and this was the second follow-up visit to make sure it wasn't creeping back up (it wasn't - 124/74!).

Weight at this visit? 178 pounds.

When I started this diet in January 2006, I had a doctor's appointment in mid-January at which I weighed 272 pounds.

94 pounds in a year and a half. My kids weigh ~ 50 and 40 pounds each. I used to walk around with the equivalent weight of a four year old *and* a six year old every minute of every day.

I was expressly told by my doctor that he thought I was done losing weight, that I needed to focus on maintaining my current weight from this point forward. I agree. So, now I switch from "lose weight" mode to "maintain weight" mode. I think I can do this.

I just have one last question, though. How long before I stop seeing the fat guy in the mirror?

Holy Tam-alanche Batman!

Tam noticed my little gunnie joke last week and found it funny enough to link. And now my referral log looks like All VFTP All The Time (note: that's a good thing).

And in a shameless bit of link-whoring, I've gotta ask: What's a guy got to do to get a link at VFTP, Tam?

:)

Why I Hate People, Part ???

Hoo boy. I'm an angry, angry man today... In no particular order:

*To the landscaping company whose truck I followed at 20 MPH through three towns this morning: TEACH YOUR FUCKING EMPLOYEES HOW TO DRIVE THE FUCKING TRUCK AND TRAILER. Nothing says "We hire incompetent dipshits and don't properly train them" like a 19 year old driving an F-350 pulling a 25 ft. enclosed trailer at 20 MPH down the center of the road. When there's a parade of cars 30-something deep, you've bought yourself a world of bad pub. An hour in a parking lot spent teaching the new guys how to handle the rig will translate into 30+ fewer pissed off people. And in that same vein...

*To the carpentry company ripping off the Martha's Vineyard restaurant: Don't park your fucking 26' box truck on a narrow street with ALL FOUR FUCKING TIRES ON THE FUCKING PAVEMENT. You slowed traffic to a g-ddamned crawl as people struggled to get around your giant red truck. As we faced down oncoming traffic because of your inability to get your truck even vaguely off the road, we had plenty of time to fume and permanently cross your company off the list of "people to do business with". While you may be sparing your customer's front yard, you're doing it at the expense of EVERY OTHER PERSON WHO NEEDS TO USE THE PUBLIC ROAD YOU'RE ILLEGALLY PARKED ON.

*To the white Crown Vic: When a thick plume of blue smoke comes out of your tailpipe every time you press the accelerator, that's a bad thing. To the best of my knowledge, Ford never made a diesel variant of the Crown Vic, which means your engine is burning oil. A lot of oil. Get it fixed, soon, before you turn your grandma-luxobarge into a lawn ornament.

*To the brown minivan who was unable to pass the bicyclist in the town square. Turn in your license. Seriously dude. Yeah, I know the dipshit cyclist was riding in the middle of the street, but with no oncoming traffic and a top speed of 15 MPH, you could have made it around him before he finally wised the fuck up and moved over. Oh, yeah, and stopping in the middle of the road to pull an illegal u-turn cements my impression that you're an asshole.

*To the aforementioned cyclist: Dude... Grow a brain. While in the most technical of senses you "are traffic", you're also approximately 1/20th smaller than anything else on the road. All it takes is one other asshole with poor impulse control to turn your spandex-clad ass into road pizza. Use some common sense before you wind up a hood ornament. Really. I cycle, too; I just use my head when I'm on two wheels...

Ahhh. That feels better. Now, off to face another exciting day of pencil-pushing...

Must... Come up... For... Air...

Sorry folks. Busier 'n' one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest today. More tonight, I hope...

Friday Gun Pr0n...

Okay, putting this up a tad early, but I figured it was better than skipping entirely...

Massachusetts State Police 120th Anniversary Smith & Wesson Model 586. Unfired. With presentation case and matching belt buckle.

One of the more rare firearms in the armory, to be sure...

Off We Go...

...into the wild, well, blue yonder.

Heading off in a couple hours for some R&R with good friends somewhere in upstate NH. Going to set off some complex pyrotechnics; possibly imbibe a few frosty malt beverages; and definitely going to celebrate the birth of our nation with good friends and family.

That's what it's all about.

Have a safe and happy 4th of July everyone! See you next week...

Happy Independence Day!

Okay. Clearing out of work at noon. Check.

Camper packed up and ready to go first thing tomorrow. Check.

Enough fireworks to launch the space shuttle. Check.

Weber kettle to cook the jerk chicken and BBQ steak tips. Check.

Looks like it's gonna be a happy Fourth of July, folks. Join me in wishing the United States of America a "Happy Birthday"...

Gunnie Funnies...

Recent developments in the PFAD (Potential Firearm Acquisition Department) got me to thinking and chuckling.

Y'see, there are three types of gunnies out there.

Say the words "Model 19". One type of gunnie thinks of this:

The second type of gunnie thinks of this:

And the last type says "You left off the last two '1's"...