Cold Chills...

It just occurred to me that my son is almost exactly the same age Adam Walsh was when he was kidnapped and murdered.


I cannot even begin to imagine that hell. I can only pray to G-d that I never have to find out.

Have you ever been close to tragedy
Or been close to folks who have
Have you ever felt a pain so powerful
So heavy you collapse
I've never had to knock on wood
But I know someone who has
Which makes me wonder if I could
It makes me wonder if
I've never had to knock on wood
And I'm glad I haven't yet
Because I'm sure it isn't good
That's the impression that I get

I do know someone who hasn't been just close to tragedy, but in the thick of it. I've been on the periphery, still ripped open raw, hurt, and stunned beyond belief; but that's as close as I've gotten. It's never been one of mine taken too young; I've never been through that level of hell on earth.

I talk a lot about personal defense, options one has, all the planning and training one can/should do. Sometimes I feel like it's all just window-dressing, a charade I play to convince myself that there is something I can do to provide for the safety of my loved ones. I hope and pray I never have to find out; I hope I can be fast enough, trained enough, hardened enough should I ever be put to the test.

But what if there's nothing I can do? What if I'm blissfully ignorant of the danger, whether it be a stranger abducting my child from the mall, or some deranged lunatic running rampant through their school? Admittedly, either scenario is several orders of magnitude less likely to happen than a car accident (which is also WAAAAY at the top of the list of shit I don't like thinking about), but it's still out there in the "fears that make Jay wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night".

Sometimes, a little knowledge is, indeed, a dangerous thing.

But y'know what? Part of loving your kids is worrying about 'em. The trick is to weigh the fears, the rational, irrational, and otherwise; against the realities and striking a balance between coddling/smothering/protecting/liberating them. Hope I can be quick enough, close enough, tough enough, and strong enough to save them when they need savin' and letting them fall when they need to fall. Because part of the process involves screwing up, getting banged around, and learning from it.

There's just as much danger in protecting them too much...