Ironically, This Makes It Better...

A friend posted this video on Facebook, with a comment that this sort of thing was the reason he prefers a car.



The first time I watched, I only made it about a quarter of the way through the video, it was so painful. It wasn't so much the crashes, but that nearly all of them were absolutely avoidable. There were certainly a few where the motorcyclist was doing everything right and safe and got hit, and I genuinely feel bad for them. What makes this especially ironic is I watched this video after I got back from a quick motorcycle ride (I have ridden at least once every month since I've been in VA with my bike).

But the VAST majority, the motorcyclists were going WAY too fast, lane-splitting, passing on the right, or otherwise acting in a manner that contributed to the crash. I went so far as to watch the video very carefully, and broke down the first ten crashes:

1. Hard to tell, but the bike comes flying in from the left side of the screen, across the car with the camera into the minivan.
2. Yes, the car turned left in front of the bike, but the bike was going WAAAAAY too fast - the car with the camera had plenty of time to react without incident.
3. Again, yes, the truck cut across the lane, but look at the bike disintegrate. WAY too fast for a city street.
4. Lane splitting at high speed and hits a pedestrian.
5. *****WAAAAAAYYYYY***** too fast and hit a kid in a crosswalk. I hope he went down hard.
Note: Yes, the kids came out into the crosswalk kind of fast, but he absolutely should have seen them coming. Rule #1 on a motorcycle is that you are ALWAYS scanning for things that can come running out from the side. It's one of the nice things about riding on highways. 
6. Bike turned left into oncoming traffic. Bad move when outmassed 10:1...
7. Car turning left VERY slowly, stopped at times, and bike comes FLYING in. Bike actually drives THROUGH a crowd of pedestrians.
8. Bike going, again, WAY too fast and can't react to the car turning. AGAIN, we see the car with the dashcam NOT having to slam on their brakes for the turning vehicle, indicating that the bike's extreme speed caused the crash.
9. Bike PLOWS into the back of the car. Duh.
10. Bike going what really appears to be the WRONG WAY around a rotary.

Excessive speed, lane splitting, and just plain not paying attention. This repeats throughout the video. It's even hard to fault the cars that turned left in front of some of these bikes, because the bikes were going so fast.  Look, I've *had* people turn left in front of me. I avoided crashing because I was paying attention and watching them long before they actually made the turn. Yes, it can and does happen that someone on a bike is just riding along when some jack@$$ in a car blithely turns in front of them. There were precious few of that sort of wreck in this video.

Bottom line, don't play stupid games and you stand a good chance of not winning stupid prizes...

That is all.

Surprise!

A whole bunch of people sent me this story. It's a cautionary tale on many, many levels...

'Point 'em out, knock 'em out': Brutal game ends when assault victim fires his concealed handgun

The game was called "point 'em out, knock 'em out," and it was as random as it was brutal.

The object: Target an innocent victim for no other reason than they are there, then sucker punch him or her.

But on this day in Lansing, there would be no punch. The teen-age attacker had a stun gun. He did not know his would-be victim was carrying a legally concealed pistol.

So, let me get this straight. There's a "game" where teenagers pick people out at random and beat them unconscious. They often do this with the tacit or overt approval and assistance of their peers. The victims are chosen at random and have not done anything to provoke this; they just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

So, this poor dude is waiting at his daughter's bus stop. He's 28; I'm guessing his daughter isn't a middle schooler - probably kindergarten/first grade or thereabouts. This happened in late May, towards the end of the school year. There's probably a million things going through this poor guy's head, when out of nowhere this punk shows up, walks past, then doubles back and jams something in the guy's side.

What's he supposed to think?

Now, stop for a second. Stop right there. What would have happened if the stun gun had worked as intended? The victim would most likely have been incapacitated - dropped to the ground incapable of movement. Depending on the type of stun gun, he could have been incapacitated for as long as the stun gun was fired or until it ran out of power. While he was laying on the ground, incapable of movement, he could easily have been beaten to death like the WWII veteran in Washington.

The point is, at the moment that stun gun jammed into the victim's side, he had absolutely no way of knowing or telling whether this was some dumb kid trying to play tough, a robbery attempt, or a gang initiation that required him to die. I don't blame him one bit for drawing and firing - why on earth would he give the kid a second chance to incapacitate him?

And the best they can get the kid for is possession of a stun gun. Allegedly they're not pressing assault charges because the victim wasn't injured. So, presumably, if you walked up to someone, stuck a gun to their head and pulled the trigger, as long as the chamber is empty you're only guilty of misdemeanor assault. Does anyone buy this for a second? Is it any wonder that crime is rampant when something like this does not result in a serious punishment ONLY because of an equipment malfunction?

There is a surprise in this story. The teenager - shot in the buttocks - apologized to his victim. Not only that, the victim called 911, explained what had happened, and remained with the teenager until EMS arrived, trying to keep him calm. That's class right there. With any kind of luck this young man will realize how close he came to dying on that day, and straighten himself out. It's not too late, and the fact that he sent his victim a letter of apology bodes well.

Now, go back to the moment the teen jammed the stun gun in his victim's side. What if it had gone off as expected? Maybe he would have just knocked the guy down and ran off to join his friends, laughing at the poor SOB he just knocked out. Maybe he would have hit the guy a few times. Maybe the next time he'd knock someone down and start kicking. It sure doesn't look like the DA is interested in prosecuting - so, most likely, he could continue right up until the point that he beat a 99 year old woman to death in the middle of a robbery.

Hopefully getting shot in the ass changes his outlook and puts him on the right path...

That is all.

This Is A Joke, Right?

No, really, this sounds like a joke, right? Stretch sends in this head-shakingly dumb story:

Two hitchhikers in Germany lie down in road, are killed

SEELOW, Germany, July 18 (UPI) -- Two hitchhikers in Seelow, Germany, attempting to secure a ride by lying down in the road, were killed when a vehicle ran them over, a third hitchhiker said.

The victims were identified only as a man, 30, and a woman, 25, from Poland, attempting to get back over the border from Germany to Poland, Polskie Radio reported Thursday.

And they're Polish, to boot. If you started a joke like this, you'd be guilty of a hate crime... I suppose it doesn't need to be stated that there was alcohol involved in their decision.

Sometimes you really have to wonder what crosses through people's minds (besides air). "Hey, let's lay down in the road to get a ride." Yeah, great idea. No one has ever used that as a method to get cars to stop so that the drivers can be robbed or killed, right? Or the very real possibility that- like what happened - they won't see you and run you the hell over?

Darwin, much like the house, wins every time...

That is all.

A Stellar Example of the Genre...

Numerous folks sent me this story. Apparently, "Fisherman killed by beaver" is a headline that simply must go to Jay!

Fisherman dies as increasingly aggressive beavers attack people in Belarus

The fisherman wanted his photo shot with a beaver. The beaver had other ideas: It attacked the 60-year-old man with razor-sharp teeth, slicing an artery and causing him to bleed to death.

It was the most serious in a string of beaver attacks on humans in Belarus, as the rodents have turned increasingly aggressive when confronted by humans after wandering near homes, shops and schools.

He wanted his picture taken with a beaver. Seriously. Dude, shoot the damn thing and have it stuffed. Seriously. You do not approach a damn wild animal for a photo shoot. Use a telephoto lens, sure. Photoshop yourself in later. Or, I don't know, leave the damn thing alone. Animals, despite the best efforts of Walt Disney, are wild creatures. They are not cute and cuddly toys to be played with. Heck, even deer will attack if provoked.

It's also possible that the animal was rabid if it attacked that aggressively, which is another reason to leave wild animals alone. Oh, sure, it's a beaver, they build dams and such and swim in the water like cute little otters - but you've got to figure a set of incisors that can chew through a tree will make short work of a femoral artery. Unless, of course, it went for his neck...



And to think, I made it through this post without a single pun on beaver - not even a comment about his bite leaving quite the gash...

That is all.

Defining the Category...

Heh. Got this from the BLNN:

Intoxicated Oregon man shoots paintball gun at 2 officers

EUGENE, Oregon – There was a shootout in Eugene between an intoxicated man firing a paintball gun and police firing rubber bullets and beanbag rounds.

Police won. Officers took the 49-year-old man into custody Sunday evening after about 30 minutes.

Now, the story is barely more than a stub, but I'd like to imagine that the two cops rolled up, came under fire, realized what they were up against, and pulled the classic "Oh no you di-int!". Paintballs are painful as hell, especially if you're not expecting them, and I don't think anyone would have faulted the officers for returning fire with real bullets. That they took him down using rubber bullets and beanbag rounds means they paid attention to the call, observed the suspect, and responded with like force.

I do hope that the officers got in a few hits on some, err, unprotected areas...

That is all.

Karma Is A Bitch...

Heh. Scott in MI sent this story in yesterday, and I haven't stopped chuckling about it...

Protester dies after inhaling fumes from burning American flag

Burning an American flag proved fatal for a Pakistani protester, who reportedly died from inhaling fumes from the ignited icon of independence.

Some 10,000 people rallied this week in Lahore, the capital of the Punjab province, to protest the movie trailer that Muslims say insults Islam, according to the International Herald-Tribune. One participant, identified as Abdullah Ismail, died after being taken to an area hospital. Witnesses said he had complained of feeling sick from the smoke from American flags burnt at the rally.

Hmm. Let me check. Nope, my give-a-damn-meter is firmly lodged at "NFW". Play stupid games, win stupid prizes - you and your rioty compatriots skimped on the flags and bought cheap Chinese crap, and you paid dearly. Please heed the warning and only burn high quality flags going forward, Mustafa. When you care enough to hate, hate using the best cotton flags.

And, serious?

“The U.S. must make a law against blasphemy – or we will not let the US consulates in Pakistan function,” a rally organizer told the paper.

I understand you're not from around here, but it doesn't work that way. Despite the best attempts of politicians of both stripes to neuter it for the past, oh, 100 years or so, we have this thing called the First Amendment. It guarantees us that Congress shall pass no law abridging our right to free speech. That means the government can't do dick-all about someone making a film critical of your religion.

Notice, please, that Catholics around the world didn't riot and burn flags over "The Last Temptation of Christ". No one lobbed bombs at the Museum of Art for hosting the "Piss Christ" exhibit. Hell, the fact that Mel Brooks hasn't been stoned to death for his whimsical portrayal of members of the Tribe ought to tell you something (but since I mentioned the JOOOOOOOOOOS I'll wager you're not listening).

Feel free to burn our flag all you want. You stay in your country, I'm perfectly fine with you burning the flag all you want. I'd prefer you bought a genuine American flag rather than send the money to China, but hey, I understand the need to keep costs down. You start telling our government that they need to curtail my rights because you're offended, then you can go to hell.

And I'll work to defeat any President who suggests such a measure, whether it be Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, or Zombie Reagan...

That is all.

Play Stupid Games, Get Shot Dead...

Just saw this on the local news. Sometimes, being stupid will get you killed...

Police Officer Stabbed, Teen Shot And Killed In New Bedford

NEW BEDFORD (CBS) – New Bedford Police are investigating an outbreak of violence on Cedar Street that left an officer with the gang task force stabbed, and a teenager shot and killed.

According to the mayor’s office, New Bedford Police were patrolling in the Temple Landing development when they came across a group of individuals. An altercation ensued and one of the individuals stabbed a member of the New Bedford Police Department Gang Unit.

What's the very next sentence in the story? If you guessed "Officers then shot the 15-year-old suspect" you'd be right.

I'm trying to get behind this mindset. Now, maybe these were plainclothes officers, but generally the gang units tend to be high profile in order to discourage the gang activity. If they were plainclothes, then that kid got one hell of a surprise. If they were uniformed, then WTF did he think was going to happen? Stab a cop, you are going to die. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about that. This was either suicide by cop or TSTL*.

Again, there's a reason the acronym PSGWSP was coined...

That is all.

*Too Stupid To Live

Carma...

Heh. Skidmark sends in this absolutely hilarious story:

Porsche stuck in wet cement: Proof karma exists?

On Thursday, the driver of a Porsche 911 decided he'd take a shortcut around some construction cones and drove straight into wet concrete near Marina Green on Marina Blvd. in San Francisco.

"It was coned off," according to Bobswire, a user of the Paceline bike forums. "He was just trying to sneak in from a side street. [The] concrete looked solid." Bobswire reports that the hapless driver remained stuck in his car. "He didn't want to open the door and have concrete get in; the whole undercarriage and brakes will need to [be] cleaned or replaced."

This needs a picture:

(picture from article)

Heh. That's not even the best part. Go read the comments to the story. There's gems like:

• This baby handles like it's glued to the road.
• "sorry I am late for work, I was stuck in traffic"
• $100,000 car and a $2 brain
• Don't just fix the car, fix the driver.

Now, granted, this is California, so the driver will most likely wind up suing the town for failing to warn of construction in 78 different languages, but it's still funny to see. From the pictures shown, it's pretty concrete that there was construction going on in the area. I wonder what all that cement does to the 0-60 times of the 911?

Porsche: There is no substitute... for brains.

That is all.

What, Praytell, Did You *THINK* Would Happen?

Animal rights group says drone shot down

A remote-controlled aircraft owned by an animal rights group was reportedly shot down near Broxton Bridge Plantation Sunday near Ehrhardt, S.C.

Steve Hindi, president of SHARK (SHowing Animals Respect and Kindness), said his group was preparing to launch its Mikrokopter drone to video what he called a live pigeon shoot on Sunday when law enforcement officers and an attorney claiming to represent the privately-owned plantation near Ehrhardt tried to stop the aircraft from flying.

I tried to comment on this, but all I kept hearing inside my head was BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA...

That is all.

(Thanks to Mopar for the story!)

Failure of the Victim Selection Process...

Wolfman sends in this story of what happens when a goblin chooses his victims poorly:

Intended victims fight back during cellphone robbery, killing would-be thief

Gian Davis, 30, approached two college students around 1:30 a.m. Saturday and asked to use a cellphone so he could call a cab, the Star-Ledger of Newark reports.

One of the students said he would make the call for Davis, who then asked to shake the student’s hand in thanks, according to the paper. But Davis instead grabbed the phone and hit one of the students in the head.

One of the college students is a wrestler, and basically put Davis in a choke hold. Apparently the "choke" part isn't just for show, because the goblin wound up deadified. Now, I'm sorry, my give-a-shit-o-meter just can't register for someone who assaults someone over a cell phone and winds up getting themselves killed; I feel a thousand times worse for the poor college kid who has to live the rest of his life knowing he was forced to take action that resulted in someone's death over a friggin' cell phone.

Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug. This time, the goblin was the bug. Props to the college kids - one of the big cell phone grab ploys is the "can I borrow your phone" and then run off; almost certainly that's what Davis had planned. When the college students failed to fall for it, he opted for assault and battery - never a great plan; certainly a terrible plan when one of your victims is a wrestler. There are no pictures that go with the article, but it's generally safe to assume that these were not small guys.

Oh well, I needed more examples for the PSGWSP category...

That is all.

Defining the Genre...

Heh. Stretch sends in this story, which really epitomizes the entire category...

Flaming-horned bull fatally gores man in Spain

MADRID (AP) — A flaming-horned bull trampled and fatally gored a man early Saturday during a festival in eastern Spain, an official said.

Large balls of flaming wax are traditionally affixed to the beasts' heads before they are let loose to rampage through squares and narrow streets in such festivals.

It's sad that someone died, but I really have a hard time working up the giveashit-o-meter here. This wasn't some dude randomly walking down the street who got mistaken for someone else in a drive-by goring; this is someone participating in an extreme event where a half-ton animal is taunted into a full-blown stampede. It's a lot like someone falling off a ledge in the Crisco Annual Greased Rock Climbing Challenge.

No word on whether the Brady Coalition to End Stampede Violence has released a statement yet...

That is all.

Absolutely Appropriate...

Another dispatch from the BLNN...

Protester Defends Flag-Burning at Occupy Charlotte

Some members of the Occupy Wall Street group in Charlotte, N.C., are under fire for setting American flags ablaze, but one of the protesters is defending his incendiary actions.

"Those were actions taken on my behalf," Occupy Charlotte member Alex Tyler said at a camp meeting, according to a Charlotte Observer report. "I did it to display my utter contempt for American greed, not (the military)."

He had every right in the world to burn the flag. While I disagree with his actions on a visceral level, I appreciate that it's our enumerated right to speak our mind - especially when it's speech that not everyone approves of. Now, that said, the moron set fire to a field because he was being an idiot while burning the flag - and was charged accordingly. I hope he has to pay for the fire department's efforts to put out the fire as well.

I reiterate: Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

That is all.

Darwin Was Cheated!

A reader sends in this story of a very stupid person who should go buy a lottery ticket immediately:

Fake gun creates real panic at TV shoot

LOS ANGELES (TheWrap.com) - David Lubin was only trying to shoot a segment for a television show. But police were concerned that another type of shooting altogether might occur when they took Lubin down at a San Francisco filming location Wednesday.

Lubin was overpowered by police officers after refusing to drop a fake gun while filming a robbery scene for a TV series, the San Francisco Chronicle reports.

Apparently the film company did get the proper permits, which is most likely the only reason that Mr. Lubin is still on this side of the dirt. If the cops are pointing their REAL guns at you and telling you to drop your weapon, it's generally a good idea to comply if you would like to prevent unauthorized leakage... Especially when you're wearing a ski mask in a convenience store and someone calls in an armed robbery in progress...

What's really interesting in this story is that we have a guy waiving around what looks to be a firearm - there were no pictures so it's hard to discern if this was a realistic replica weapon made for Hollywood or an obvious fake. He fails to comply with the police officers' demands to drop the weapon. Unless there's more to the story, it sure seems like the officers would have been justified in shooting Lubin. Yet for some reason, they didn't - they overtook him and disarmed him. No tasers, no pepper spray, no shooting him 41 times.

It's interesting to see the difference in response here...

That is all.

Not An Addition...

Merlin sends in one that, while not qualifying as a DGC, needs to be shared nonetheless...

Bond set for suspect in shooting death of high school football player

CINCINNATI, OH (FOX19) -Bond was set Thursday morning for a suspect accused in the shooting death of Princeton High School football player Lamar Williams.

Tiana Sullivan, 22, was arraigned on charges of murder and aggravated robbery. Her bond was set at $300,000.

Okay. Read that intro. What's the conclusion you'd draw? This person robbed and then murdered this poor high school football player, right?

Wrong.

Police say Sullivan, Williams and another suspect robbed three people in Springdale on July 20. While fleeing the scene of one of the robberies, police say Sullivan discharged her firearm, hitting Williams in the back of the neck. He died July 24 at the hospital.

So, while leaving the scene of one of the robberies, Sullivan had her booger hook on the bang switch of a loaded firearm and managed to fatally shoot her accomplice. Break more than one of the four rules and tragedy strikes. Thankfully, it was her partner in crime and not one of the people she was robbing that took the bullet - now that would really be a tragedy.

As it stands, someone paid the ultimate price for a failure in the associate-selection process...

That is all.

I'll Take "Headlines That Don't Surprise Me" for $500, Alex

'Jackass' Star Killed In Car Crash

(CNN) -- Ryan Dunn, one of the stars of MTV's "Jackass" films and TV series, was killed in a fiery car crash on a Pennsylvania highway early Monday, police said.

A passenger in Dunn's 2007 Porsche 911 GT3 was also killed, but investigators have not positively identified the body, according to the police report sent to CNN.

Other reports claim the estimated speed at the time of the accident was over 100 MPH, and that alcohol may have been a factor. Out of all of this, you know what surprised me the most? That starring in a succession of movies that have the word "Jackass" in the title would give one sufficient scratch to buy a GT3...

The living embodiment of the term "Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes"...

That is all.

Karma So Thick You Could Cut It With A Knife...

Skidmark sends in this hysterical story of a lowlife thief getting what's coming to him...

Dancing Thief Turns in Stolen Computer, Begs to be Un-Youtubed

The thief who stole a Macbook Air from hyper-entrepreneur, threewords.me creator and weekend New Yorker Mark Bao has turned the machine in to the police and sent Mr. Bao a note asking for forgiveness.

The impetus is likely this video of the thief attempting to pop-and-lock to “Rubber Band Man” Tyga’s “Make It Rain” recorded on the stolen Macbook Air, retrieved by remote access and posted to YouTube, Vimeo and Reddit. “Can you please put down the videos you put of me,” the thief wrote in a note posted by The Next Web’s Courtney Boyd Myers.

I have just about zero tolerance for thieves. I have less than zero tolerance for stupid thieves. What's almost as funny as this dirtbag getting pwned by remote control is that fact that he obviously knows nothing about the internet. Sure, the rightful owner of the laptop could take the video down, but that ain't gonna stop it from showing up. Don't want your sad-assed video showing up on YouTube? Don't steal the laptop of someone who knows his way around a keyboard, chump.

The internet is forever - live it, learn it, love it.

That is all.

Defining the Genre...

The Big Guy sent me this heartwarming tale of a goblin that got a little more than he bargained for...

Suspected burglar dies after pit bull chases him through window of home in Marion

The Marion County Sheriff's Office is investigating the death of man after he jumped through the window of a home he is suspected of burglarizing Sunday afternoon, authorities said.

A pit bull chased Laird Butler, 41, after he broke into a Summerfield mobile home at about 2:30 p.m., officials said.

We obviously regret the loss of life - no, wait, we don't. You decide to take that which does not belong to you, to steal the fruits of another's labor, to violate one's castle, well... You get everything that's coming to you and then some. Getting chewed on by a pit bull would suck, certainly; getting shredded going through a window and dying of massive blood loss sucks even more. There's a reason for the expression "Play stupid games, win stupid prizes", and this yutz is the freakin' posterboy...

I only hope the dog was okay - I'm guessing that crackmethhead doesn't taste all that good...

That is all.

Sometimes, Stupid Kills...

Good friend, blogshoot attendee, and all around mensch Ross sends the following heartbreakingly stupid story out of Vermont:

Cops: Prank Goes Awry, Man Shoots Pal Dead

MANCHESTER, Vt. -- Police say a Vermont man who believed he was holding an air gun shot his sleeping friend dead in bed with a .22-caliber rifle.

Manchester police told WCAX-TV that the two friends were staying at another friend's home Thursday. Police say 23-year-old Nicholas Bell of Manchester was hoping to play a prank on his friend and wake him up with an air gun.

Guns are not toys. Even the diminutive .22LR is quite capable of killing someone. Guns should never be part of a prank - the video of the jerk "teaching" his wife how to operate a 1911 and then setting off fireworks nearby comes to mind - and this story is a prime example why not. Who knows exactly what transpired? Maybe the guy who did the shooting was told it was an air rifle and didn't check? Maybe he was told the gun was unloaded or had blanks? In any case, one man is dead, another has had his life permanently affected, and there are no winners, all because someone thought it would be funny to play with a gun.

Guns. Are. NOT. Toys.

That is all.

Sunday Morning Stupid

'Ghost train' hunter killed by train in North Carolina

(CNN) -- The facts: On August 27, 1891, a passenger train jumped the tracks on a tall bridge near Statesville, North Carolina, sending seven rail cars below and about 30 people to their deaths.

The legend: On the wreck's anniversary, the sounds of screeching wheels, screaming passengers and a horrific crash might still be heard. You might also see a uniformed man with a gold watch.

Apparently on the anniversary of the crash, a group of folks thought it would be a neat idea to hang around on the bridge and wait for the "ghost train". They were trespassing on train company property, but the bigger problem was that no one thought to consult the real train schedule:

Instead, a real Norfolk-Southern train -- three engines and one car -- turned the corner as it headed east to Statesville, about 35 miles north of Charlotte, authorities said.

One person was struck and killed by the real train, and another was injured when she was pushed off the bridge in an attempt to save her. While it's a shame that someone lost their life over something as trivial as trying to catch a glimpse of a "ghost train", it's even more shocking that no one in the entire group thought to check on the possibility that a real train might be coming through. To be standing on a high railroad bridge in the middle of nowhere without checking whether any actual trains were coming by, though, is positively Darwinian...

Okay, I'm done railing about this one...

That is all.

Stupid Is International...

Reader Karen sends me the following heartwarming tale of an exceptionally clumsy criminal finding out the hard way just what a bitch karma is...

Alleged robber injured by own knife

A man is in critical condition in hospital after injuring himself with his own knife when he tripped and fell after allegedly robbing a store in Ottawa's south end Monday, police said.

Police said they were notified about the robbery on Tapiola Crescent at 9:13 a.m. They got a second call about what was called a stabbing short time later.

(emphasis mine) There is only one possible reaction to this story:


MArooned: Proving that stupid truly is international...

That is all.