Took the family to see the Barnum & Bailey circus at the Verizon Wireless Arena in Manchester, NH this afternoon. Everyone had a wonderful time, even my allergies didn't flare up too badly.
Until we went to leave. We committed the cardinal sin of actually sticking to our guns and not buying the kids several hundred dollars of Chinese-made crap with the B&B logo on it. We didn't get them a toy not because we have a fundamental objection to the circus or anything like that; they had lost their souvenir privileges early in the day because they weren't listening.
So, both kids are crying and carrying on as we leave the arena. My son is pleading for a souvenir, playing on the "memories" angle ("I just want something so I can remember today!"). My daughter is using the passive resistance angle, randomly throwing her body on the ground and flailing her limbs.
Needless to say, Mrs. G. and I were not amused.
There was a silver lining to this cloud, though. As we approached the gauntlet of anti-circus protesters, they parted like the Red Sea parted for Moses. Apparently, the look on my face as I dragged my screaming son along told them that if they lost their minds and approached me, they were going to lose teeth.
And no jury in the fucking country would convict me...
That is all.
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6 comments:
Jay,
If its any consolation, my 7yr old progeny has tried the passive resistance tactic many times. She's failed an equal number of times.
On a side note, too bad you weren't wearing a "vegetarians" . . . its what's for dinner" t-shirt.
I was already thinking of using my line from the post I made about the pre-school bunny that was stolen by anti-circus assholes:
"I'm gonna have veal for dinner just for you"
Although it would most likely have fallen on deaf, well, unconscious ears...
thanks for the memories :-)
the commandress dreams
Ya know, I've found a complete deadpan expression to be immensely helpful in navigating life. You know: relaxed facial muscles, staring roughly 50-100 yards ahead...
Had someone once tell me that I looked like I was gonna grab someone and eat them. EXACTLY the effect I wanted. And it's made some people get right out of my way... >:)
My Daughter tried that Passive Resistance ONCE. She didn't want to go into Sears when we were shopping with her Brother for clothes. So, I just walked on into the store with him and left her tantrum throwing 5 year old self out in the Mall courtyard. After 60 seconds of strangers walking past her, and me not returning for her, she shut up, got up and came looking for me.
Before anyone starts screaming how dangerous that was... First, it was 1985. Second, except for the approximately 10 seconds it took me to walk into Sears, I had my eye on her the entire time; and for those 10 seconds my back was turned I could hear her screaming and crying and her feet hitting the floor; after that I could see her through the windows as I pretended to go through racks of clothes. Third, it worked like a charm; she never pulled that crap again. And he brother never tried it either.
I'm a firm believer in Front Leaning Rest for my kids. They want to show thier butt in the store or anywhere in public, I'll drop them in a heartbeat. It's especially bad for my 14 year old, she was being very catty with me in Walmart the other night because I wouldn't buy her this just "To Die For" shirt that was on sale, and after the third time I said no she started off, "You don't love me, I hate you, all my friends parents buy them this stuff." right then right in front of 5 of her friends from school, I told her "Front Leaning Rest" she looked at me in horror and actually started crying. I told her I am HER father and she will NOT speak to me that way, and her choice was front leaning rest or a spanking right then right there. She said I wouldn't dare I started taking off my belt, she got down real fast. That is the wrong thing to say to me. Never tell me I wouldn't dare to do something. I have no problem in making an ass of myself to prove a point. Oh and her friends thought it was funny until the parents of two of them came over and asked what that position was called and we compared notes on it. as I left the store with my chastised daughter one of the girls was out in the parking lot in front leaning rest. :) Oh, and the band teacher and the gym teacher now use Front leaning rest for discipline at the middle school. I feel so warm and tingly..
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