What. The. Fuck.
Over.
Did I miss an announcement? Has there been an outbreak of stupid reported? There's gotta be. I can only assume that the Army has been secretly testing a new biological agent on the drivers of the northeast, one that induces a strong lack of anything resembling common courtesy or even basic self-preservation instinct.
I mean, I can look beyond the mouth-breathers making left turns with their right-side tires touching the dirt on the side of the road (and their idiots-in-arms with the right turn made starting in the epicenter of the street). Apparently they all drove big rigs in former lives. And yes, the guy traveling at 8 MPH through the center of town while searching for whatever business (Mongoloids-R-Us?) kinda cheesed me off.
But these people absolutely pale in comparison to some of the acts of random lunacy out there on the road. Like the minivan that came down the steep hill at a high rate of speed, completely ignored the stop sign at the bottom of the hill where their road joined with the main road, and then came to a stop AFTER merging. The only possible explanation I can come up with is that the eight brain cells left from repeated cell phone irradiation have some bizarre 5 second delay on action...
Then there's the dingus in the Jaguar (complete with "Re-Elect Gore" sticker prominently displayed in the back window - way to let the world know you're a moron stuck on stupid!) literally swerving left to right in the middle of the road. No, I have no idea what he was doing. It looked kinda like a Nascar driver warming up the tires, only with the super slo-mo on. I can only surmise that he was receiving his driving instructions from the bug-eyed aliens in charge of the Zoomboni Nebula.
No morning commute would be complete without someone talking on a cell phone, right? I've gotten used to people so oblivious to the world around them that if the law of gravity were repealed they'd be flung into deep space before the Verizon guy finished saying "Can you hear me now?". Every once in a great while, though, you see something so monumentously idiotic that it takes your breath away. Like the woman I saw this morning who was not only on the phone, but actually had her entire torso below the dashboard line while traveling down the road at 40 MPH. For at least five seconds. I'll say this for the Honda Pilot - they have excellent tracking, as it stayed straight and true for the entire time. All it would have taken was one car pulling out of a driveway to turn a simple commute into a trip to the ER. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Is it possible that the trucks they've got driving around spraying for mosquitos are actually spraying stupid tonic?
That is all.
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9 comments:
"I can only surmise that he was receiving his driving instructions from the bug-eyed aliens in charge of the Zoomboni Nebula."
Well, what ELSE do you expect them to do when they get bored with anal probes?
They're coming from somewhere near the Western Massachusetts border, and New York. We're being invaded here in Northwestern Connecticut. Not that the afflicted aren't in abundance here. My club is unfortunately minutes away from the MA line.
Dear Afflicted Driver:
If you're going to invent your own Rules of the Road, please let us in on it. We're at a loss. Thanks a bunch.
Sincerely,
People that you've almost killed.
And here I thought Texas predominantly exported oil and good BBQ.
Looks like you're getting our drivers now too, but I actually won't complain about that :)
In fact, I saw 4 or 5 this morning that I'll try to send up your way.
Heh, I start thinking when I'm in that situation...
1)My car is much older and already has a few dings, dents, and scratches (I could use a new car).
2)I'm relatively young, healthy, and in good shape (Good survivability potential).
3)While not very high, I drive a pretty solid 4-door... collision in the right place and I wouldn't even get too badly hurt. Man, if only I drove a Hummer...
4) I'm a bad actor.
"My neck/back/liver/etc" well, I probably couldn't pull it off.
Dang.
Wow. We have STUPID, but those are pretty prime. I sure hope the wind doesn't blow them this direction.
Be safe out there!
"No morning commute would be complete without someone talking on a cell phone, right?"
Washington (State) just passed a "hands free" law. This was nice, but it confirmed what I always knew: it's the work-a-holic suit-types with bluetooth earpieces you REALLY have to worry about.
Invariably if someone pulls some stupid maneuver around here (e.g. the guy this morning driving a half block the wrong way down a one way so he could pull into a coffee shop drive-through), they're wearing the tell-tale ear-bud of stupid.
Jay, I don't know what it is about New Hampshire - I was up there this past weekend, and everyone on I93 was traveling in the right lane and only going left to pass - but once those morons get here in MA and they turn into left-land hogging assholes, I swear.
If, on my commute home on I290 eastbound, there's some idiot, usually in an SUV of some sort, sitting in the left lane doing 65 or 70, it's a fucking GUARANTEE that they have New Hampshire plates on the car. WTF?!?!?!
Apparently they come down here to do their weekly stupid-dance.
BTW... you missed an AWESOME day on Mt Washington. ;-) Sorry you couldn't come.
Err... make that "left lane hogging assholes.
Heh... had an idiot in a Prius try taking me out yesterday. Pulled out in front of me, and died: doing <10 in a 35. I turned to see if I could change lanes, and the bastard stopped: I stopped with roughly an inch between my front tire and his back bumper. Luckily for him, I was on Spoon's bike: had I been on the 'Potomus, I would gone ahead and hit him (then HE could pay for the Harley)...
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