- When your spouse approaches you and tells you that they would like to "put more passion in our marriage", what they mean is "Having sex once every other month totally sucks ass and I'm sick of it. If I wanted to be a eunuch I'd have bought larger hedge trimmers."
- The proper response to the question "What can I do to help you want to be intimate?" is NOT "There's nothing you can do." That's called a lost cause, and in the best-case scenario is going to lead to a major upswing in online porn. Worst case is the hiring of a large-chested secretary who used to be a gymnast.
- Please do not tell us about all the times you're "in the mood" when we're not around. If you're not "in the mood" when we are around, that's what matters. The fact that you were allegedly "in the mood" at two o'clock in the afternoon means as little to your husband (who was at work at that time) as the dating habits of your co-workers (which, coincidentally, we don't give a rat's ass about unless they look like the secretary in the previous point).
- In keeping with the above, claiming to have been "in the mood" at one point in the day but not at night when we are home and also "in the mood", raises suspicions. Men are always in the mood. In fact, men have two states of arousal: Want it, and Just Got It. That's it. We do not understand how you can be "in the mood" one minute and out of the mood the next. We're in the mood until we're in the nude, capiche?
- So there's some poll out there that claims 7X a year is the average for couples with kids. You know what? They're counting the octogenarians down the street whose kids are AARP members in that demographic. That average is skewed and highly suspect. We can find polls all day long that put the average somewhere around 1-2 time a week. Don't play that game, it's rigged, and you'll lose.
- Let's say you're really hungry and stop into a restaurant to get something to eat. You wait quite a while for a table, and are starving by the time you order. More time passes and the waiter comes back to tell you that your dinner is delayed and will take significantly longer to prepare. Would you sit there starving, hoping your meal will come soon, or would you order something else?
That is all.
9 comments:
Averages mean nothing, it's the median and mean that are important.
I'd bet that those numbers tell a whole different story.
Awww. Have you tried telling her in those words and see what happens. Just bitching isn't going to work. Try telling her flat out that if you aren't getting it at home it increases the risk of you getting it elsewhere. I know I prefer the blunt approach. But keep in mind I'm not your average female so it's entirely possible my suggestions could backfire.
It has come up. Not in so many words, but the message was delivered.
And this was before "there's nothing you can do about it".
Have you tried doing the dishes? A man with dishpan hands is *very* sexy.
I do most of the cooking and all the cleaning, so yes, I have...
Dang! That's pretty sexy right there!
Have you tried it only wearing an apron?
Just don't get caught nailing here sister. For some reason, this makes things considerably worse, and the problem is compounded more and more for every time it happens.
Oh, and never make mention of the desire to nail the sister. It makes for one hell of a bad family reunion.
HER sister.
not HERE sister.
duh
"It has come up. Not in so many words, but the message was delivered.
And this was before "there's nothing you can do about it"."
Ouch. I have a link to a really awesome free porn site. Not that DH and I spend any time looking at the filth. I'm pregnant for God's sake! :cough cough:
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