Thursday, October 2, 2008

Live-Blogging Vice Presidential Debate...

Okay... The debate is about to begin.

We're about to see just how slanted the coverage is going to be - I'm genuinely curious to see how Gwen Ifill, who you will recall has a vested financial interest in seeing Obama win, moderates this debate.

That said... Let the games begin. I've got my laptop, a large glass of Diet Coke at the ready, and the TV tuned to Fox News...

Will Sarah Palin prove her detractors right and flub this debate, showing she's not ready for prime time?

Will Joe Biden taste shoe leather yet again?

We shall see...



I thought this was starting at 9:00? What the heck?!?!?



Hi, I'm Gwen Ifill. I tripped on my bias on the way in...



And left on Funk & Wagnall's porch overnight...



Gee, Biden won the coin toss. Didn't see THAT coming...



Mumble into your chest some more, plagiarist...



What's with the "um"s, Joe? You watch Bill Clinton's speeches much?



And now, we hear from Chief Gunderson...



Stay away from the wonk, Sarah!



Wow, Palin looks like a caribou in the headlights.

Biden has a perma-scowl...



Joe Biden is going to try to show that the Obama administration is going to be better for women than John McCain and "that broad with the big rack from Alaska"...



Yes! Hit Obama's "voting" record and partisanship! Would have been nice to hear "Chicago political machine"....



Oh boy. Subprime mortgages... Tread carefully. Don't blame the idiot proles who bought McMansions while working McJobs...



Comment from sci-fi: Wonder if Biden needed a bellboy to carry the bags under his eyes...



Two years ago Obama was getting wined & dined by Fannie Mae...

Commenter B notes that Biden looks older than McCain...

Exact quote: "The lighting on Biden makes him look like a corpse"



'Cuz when I think tax relief, I think of socialists who idolize Che Guevara...



YES!!! 94 times! Obama voted to raise taxes 94 times... BAM!



I love the way she says "corrected"...



Wow, Biden had his dentures bleached...



"Health Class Warfare"? WTF?



Joe, you wouldn't know fairnesss if it hit you over the head with a 2X4...



Three hundred million billion dollars, eh Joe? Moron.



YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

Small businesses! WHAMMO! Good one, Sarah!

And she comes off the third turnbuckle with the "patriotic" slam!!!



Veering into Wonk-a-land, Sarah...



What's he doing with his fingers? He looks like one of the Wiggles...



"Slow down"... Now there's a euphemism, Joe... Just what else do you want to "slow down"???

And Joe takes a trip to Wonk-a-land.

BUSINESSES DON'T PAY TAXES. They merely collect them. Please, for the love of all that's good and holy, let Sarah STUFF this down his neck...



Back to "unpatriotic". Not gonna work, Joe. He's clearly rattled - maybe he had one in the bags under his eyes...



YES! Obama voted for the oil company "tax breaks"! Slam!



"My state". YES. Push the exec experience, something you have and none of the other candidates do...



Biden looks like he just swallowed a turd...



Wait a minute. Obama voted something other than "present"???

...

Since 2001. Interesting benchmark, Joe. Wasn't Obama working as a "community organizer" then?



I'm still waiting for Biden to scream "Get these squirrels off me"...



HIT THE CONNECTION BETWEEN OBAMA'S CAMPAIGN AND FANNIE MAE!!!!!!!!!!!!



Barack Obama's a pessimist! Glass is half-full.

Yeah, he pointed it out while having dinner with Fannie Mae execs...



How many Fannie Mae big wigs wound up working on Obama's campaign? There were as many execs as years Senate experience Obama has...



He looks SO creepy when he smiles like that. MAN! I'm scared...



She's totally got the beauty queen smile going. I'll bet there's vasoline on those pearly whites...



Climate change. This ought to be good...



Talk about the polar bears... About hunting polar bears... heh...



Joe, the list of things you don't understand is long and distinguished...

Maybe the ice caps are melting from polar bear farts (t/p sci-fi)

We could stop greenhouse gases if you'd shut your piehole, Joe...

Not only the atmosphere, but the west coast???? Hello?? Does he think the west coast has its own atmosphere?



Sarah, Sarah, Sarah... Please do not move around and say "drill, baby, drill". The laptop is moving again...



Wow, Joe, that is a WICKED used car salesman smile...

When they burn their dirty coal... ? {Hank Hill} Whut the hell? Joe Biden just turned into Boomhauer...



From sci-fi: Joe Biden has cornered the market on "Walter Mondale mojo"...



Sarah - PLEASE say "get the government out of the marriage business"...



Uh, Sarah? Talking about how tolerant you are... It's like saying "some of my best friends are ___"...



Let's get to the Second Amendment, shall we?

...

Foreign policy. This ought to be interesting...



Palin's exit strategy... IT'S A TRAP! Don't get bogged down in exit strategy.



OH NO! Palin just said "early withdrawal"!!! Laptop's moving again...



Obama's offered a clear plan - RUN AWAY!!!



Yeah! Let those lazy-assed Iraqis get off their duffs!

Barack and Biden put the "fun" in fundamentalist! (sci-fi)

Ugh. Get off that tangent, Sarah... You're not debating Obama.



And Palin says... PULL! BLAM! Joe "lame duck" Biden hit amidships!

YES! Respect the family and his support.

WOW, could Biden possibly sound more derisive???



NO ONE ever said it would a day, or a week, or six months, Joe.



That's the only time you'll "Barack Obama" and "right" in the same sentence...

Iran. This ought to be good.

Oh, yeah, Pakistan. That's the place Obama wants to invade, right?



Oh no. Nuc-u-lar! PROOF she's in bed with Bush!



Please, Sarah, refer to him as "Dinner Jacket"...

The Castro Brothers? Is that like Mario Brothers?



Passion for diplomacy? Hell no. Roll the B-52s...

...

There's the Crazy Biden's Used Car smile...

...

Is it just me, or are they deliberately panning away from Biden during his more crazy moments?

...

We should talk with them, yes. After they've been bombed into submission.

WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT??? Talk... talk... talk... Is he trying to hypnotize us???



His voice is cracking... Danger... We're losing containment on the Biden-bot!

...

The solution to pollution is dilution! No, wait...

How about "we'll talk about a separate state when they stop talking about wiping Israel off the map"???

...

AUGH! She got Jordan and Egypt, but forgot to mention Libya!



No one's been a better friend than Joe Biden? Biden's channeling Bob Dole here...

...

Anyone got a clue what the hell he's talking about?



Could he mention "abject failure" a couple zillion more times? (Mrs. G).



Oh yes, because if there's one thing Hamas does, it's sit and listen to gobble gobble gobble from statesmen... IDIOT.



"I haven't heard..." That's because your head's been so far up Obama's ass you've had to unbutton his pants to breath...



She's got that little head shake going. She looks annoyed. She looks like she's about to go after Biden with a gut hook...



Talking about Obama talking about the military bombing civilians. "Reckless comment". Yes!

...

Biden has turned into Charlie Brown's teacher. WOH-WAH-WONT-WAH-WAH



Let me consult my cheat sheet...

Mumble into your chest some more, Joe...

He looks like he's kicked in the nuts.

(B says, "he looks like he's been kicked like a puppy")



Kosovo? Don't we still have troops stationed there, Joe?

Isn't that an "abysmal failure" using your criteria?



Rally the world to act? Oh, my aching ass!

...

Comment from Mrs. G. "Can I get a picture of you for my ADHD poster?"

I'm sitting here with the TV on, typing on the laptop, talking to sci-fi on the phone... Yes, I am the poster child for attention deficit dis- HEY! Let's go ride our bikes!



Comment from Mrs. G: "Palin's mouth is crooked" Response from sci-fi: "yeaaaahhhhh"...



Genocide? No, no, no. Albright told us it was only "genocide-like"...



Oh NO! Back to drilling in Alaska!

...

OH SHUT THE FUCK UP you pompous ass.



What does going after bin Laden have to do with drilling in Alaska?

...

I want Palin to respond: I have five kids. Obviously I support drilling in Alaska.

...

My G-D, Biden is rambling...

...

YES!!! She's admitted to differences with McCain. Have we heard Biden do anything other than give Obama a rim-job?



Your neighborhood is DC, Joe. Drop the act, you bastard.



TOO... MUCH... HOMESPUN... GOODNESS...

(Very clever, says Mrs. G.)

Palin just turned into Chief Gunderson again. Don't get much more middle class than that!

...

Bad fucking idea, trying to out-middle class the woman whose husband is a COMMERCIAL-FUCKING-FISHERMAN.



"John McCain has tapped me"????

Wow...

She's cracking Biden up here... (and the audience).

Oh please. The role of the Vice-President is to wait for the President to buy it...

...

Joe, doesn't it bother you that you've got like, what, 10X the Senate experience of Obama?



Oh, those Founding Fathers sure were wise, dontcha know?

Man... She *is* Marge Gunderson...



Biden looked like a racehorse getting his teeth inspected. I think he actually had part of a salt lick stuck between his teeth.

OH SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Cheney's only dangerous if you hunt with him (Mrs. G)



He *is* Charlie Brown's teacher. Wonh-wah-wah-wonh waaaaah...

...

"Words are useless darling, all this gobble gobble gobble". Yes, Joe Biden is Edna Mode...

...

She keeps coming back to "tapped"... I think subliminally she wants me...

(err, um, just kidding dear!)



Okay, this is just weird. I'm talking with sci-fi on the phone. His wife B just laughed at something Mrs. G. just said...



Did she just say "tapped" again?



Biden looks like Sam the Eagle from the Muppets...



Interesting that gun control never came up...



Is Biden BRAGGING on National TV while the economy falters???



PLEASE... Say "Change is all you're going to have once Obama's tax increases go through"...



His eyes are turning into little slits. He looks like someone from Pokemon...



Final question...

C'mon... GUN CONTROL!



Huh? Oh, I'm sorry. Biden just bored me to sleep for a moment...

...

BLAH. BLAH. Blah-diddy-blah... BLAH BLAH.

(Oh, that's what I'm hearing right now...)

This man makes Joe Lieberman look lively...



What the HELL did he just say???

WHAT? He didn't question people's motives??? ASSAULT WEAPON BAN, BEE-YOTCH?



WONK WONK WONK! Danger Will Robinson!

...

Gwen, I want to thank you for not hawking your book too blatantly...



Oh knock it off... Most important election... Yeah, if you support gun rights - vote against Obama and Biden...



Uh, Joe? Health care and education are not RIGHTS. We have no fucking guarantee to either.

...

And my dad used to say, if the dog hadn't stopped to shit, he'd have caught the rabbit. What's your fucking point Joe?


Okay. Looks like that's all she wrote.

Think it's time to cap the Wild Turkey and put this to bed...

That is all.

34 comments:

Anonymous said...

Laptop ready.
Fox News on.
Drink ready (**3rd** glass).
Phone standing by. (Hint.)
B sits nearby with her laptop.
Kids asleep upstairs.

OK... Let's do this... LET'S ROLL!!

Bruce said...

AAGGH! My wife is working tonight and she set the DVR on CBS!

I gotta listen to Katie Couric for the next two minutes.

Bruce said...

Gwen Ifill forgot her Obama '08 button.

Bruce said...

Still waiting for her disclaimer statement.

Bruce said...

Saracuda: "Can I call you Joe?"

Hmmm...interesting.

Bruce said...

Biden: Before I answer your question, I'd like to blame Bush.

Bruce said...

Then, I'll chatter incessantly and repeat Obama's talking points.

Bruce said...

Palin better nail these Democrats' asses to the wall.

Bruce said...

Biden: Barack Obama warned everyone!!!

Bruce said...

Biden's a douche.

Bruce said...

Where I come from Joe, that's called SOCIALISM. Stick your fairness up your ass.

Anonymous said...

ok hey who wants to start a drinking game where we all drink when Biden say "Uh/Umm"

we'll all be unconsious before the end of the debate

Bruce said...

Biden's channeling Al Gore. Keep it up, nutcake.

Bruce said...

Hey, Joe, no mention of gun rights for same-sex couples on that list?

New Jovian Thunderbolt said...

You know, they had the solution all set (socialism) and cast around for a problem. They found global warming. If some capitalist invented a cheap for the consumer and profitable way to totally reduce harmful greenhouse gases to pre-industrial revolution level, we'd never hear from Al Gore's like again. But they'd find another problem that they could apply their standard solution to.

Epijunky said...

I've got my drink nearby.

Watching.

Epijunky said...

"We should talk with them, yes. After they've been bombed into submission."

EXACTLY.

Anonymous said...

could Biden have said
"George Bush's" any more often???

Christine G. said...

I just got home from the town meeting about the church and am catching up on your liveblogging and you are KILLING me.

ha!!!

gotta hit refresh to see what funny new observation is coming up.

Anonymous said...

forgot to add he sounded like Michael Jackson everytime he said it

Epijunky said...

I vote for drinking every time he loudly exhales while Sarah speaks.

Epijunky said...

I'm sure he spends a TON of time at Home Depot on Main street.

Anonymous said...

ya I buy that one too, I'm sure he's been in Home depot... once

Borepatch said...

I could use a bourbon, if you're up, Jay.

;-)

Epijunky said...

I love her.

That's all I can say.

Anonymous said...

cure for insomnia... Joe Biden

Epijunky said...

Holy crap. Is Chuck Todd... nope. Nevermind.

Bruce said...

OK, I'm a humungoid Palin fan, but it's time she drop the word "maverick".

Sick of it.

Jay G said...

Unless, of course, she mentions "Maverick/Cougar '08"...

;)

Bruce said...

I gotta give props to Gwen, who played it straight down the line.

Anonymous said...

Palin missed her chance to totally crotch kick smirky joe, when he was touting himself as an interventionist, saying he supported putting boots on the ground in Bosnia even though others warned that the Serbs and Croats and Bosnians had been fighting each other for 1000 years, yet earlier he asserted that he had argued that Iraq was unwinnable because the Shia and Sunnis had been fighting for 700 years. You can't be on both sides of the same issue, joe....

....and I was so hoping that Palin would say she would arrange for, without any pre-conditions, a meeting with Ahminneeduvvajob.....

.... and a cruise missile......

chrisb said...

Sam the eagle. /giggle

TOTWTYTR said...

Nice job Jay. Biden made several misstatements of fact. If they were lies that's business as normal. If they were errors, then his foreign policy credentials just went into the shredder.

When Palin corrected him on Gen. McKiernan's statement, the shit eating "I'm smarter than you girlie" grin disappeared to be replaced by one that had "rectal exam without Surgilube" written all over it.

That was his first foreign policy error, you can read my blog for the second one. http://tooldtowork.blogspot.com/2008/10/glaring-error.html

HDTV is NOT kind to Joe Biden. First the set of luggage under his eyes. Second, the suit he wore, although definitely not a $59.99 job from Marshals didn't work for him. The very discrete white lines that look great in person and on low definition TV, strobed distractingly on HDTV. Hell, his newly whitened teeth strobed distractingly on TV.

Palin did a very good job and won simply because Lying Joe Biden was supposed to blow her out of the water and didn't.

Kevin said...

Killer live blogging. Had me chuckling time and again.