In any case, here's the list:
1. 20?? Chevy Camaro. In the wake of the disasterous 2000 Ford Thunderbird and it's complete and utter failure as a "boutique" car, GM's response was to... Kill the Camaro only to resurrect it 10 years later? Uh, guys? Didn't work for Ford. Why did you think it would work for you?
2. Pontiac Aztek. Ugh. This is the epitome of ugly vehicles. One can only assume that GM was shooting for the "new buyer" market share with their "edgy" design; apparently the thinking was along the lines of "make it so ugly no one over 25 would be caught dead in it"...
3. Subaru Baja. Uh, guys? There's a reason Ford phased out the Ranchero in the '70s, and Chevy the El Camino in the '80s. Ford can't give away their Explorer Sport Trac. Hell, you've got your own example to follow - the Brat didn't exactly set the automotive world afire with sales.
4. Cadillac Catera. SRSLY, doods, WTF? The abysmal failure that was the Cimarron didn't teach you the folly of grabbing a GM platform, slapping Caddy emblems on it, and charging 2X the going rate? The only possible explanation I can come up with for the Catera is that you saw the big piles 'o' cash you were making on the Escalade and were hoping the Cadillac cachet would carry over...
5. Honda Element. See Aztek, Pontiac for ugly styling. This one has the added disadvantage of suicide doors and utilitarian (read: spartan) seating. Apparently they were counting on the Honda mystique to sell this turkey. Would have been better to have invested a little more R&D into redesigning the Pilot into something less box-like...
6. 1988 Pontiac LeMans. GUYS! You simply do NOT take a namesake from the muscle cars of the '60s and '70s and then slap it on a freakin' Korean POS. At least take a cue from Chevy and re-badge a Toyota, for cryin' out loud...
7. Speaking of 70s marques that would later be re-badged foreign econoboxes in the '80s, the Chevy Nova. A car whose name means "It doesn't go" in Spanish, it started off as a compact body with clean, straight lines and big motors. As the years progressed, the styling got worse, the performance anemic in all but the top end SS package, and the final re-design in '75 only made it worse...
8. Lincoln Blackwood. After, what, two previous attempts to re-badge an F-150 with the Lincoln name (and heftier price tag), they rolled out the Blackwood. It looked like, surprise, an F-150 with a Lincoln Navigator (rebadged Expedition) front end grafted on. Poorly, like a drunken shadetree mechanic (with apologies to shadetree mechanics).
9. Plymouth Prowler. Ugh. Note to Chrysler Corporation: Killer looks are only half the battle. You roll out this fancy-assed, retro-hot-rod. WIN. Make it available with only a V6 and an automatic tranny? FAIL. Why the hell wasn't a modified 5.9L available for this car; ideally mated to a 6 speed Borg-Warner tranny??? (I know, I know, Borg-Warner supplied the Corvette ZR-1 trannies, so they may have been under contract with GM...).
10. Toyota Scion. Honestly, what's the point? There's three models, a weird box (Element), a teeny sedan (Yaris), and a quasi-coupe (Paseo). Trying some edgy new pseudo-brand on Gen X? Newsflash - you want to keep them in the brand when they grow up and have kids. What's there to upgrade to after the odd looking box? Nothing.
11. (yes, this list goes up to 11). Saturn. The entire fucking line. Specifically, GM's MORONIC decision to simply re-badge their whole shitty line as Saturns in a pathetic attempt to cash in on the success of the original SC, SL, and SW line. The whole reason those cars sold so well was that they WEREN'T the standard GM crappy offerings. They were built well, supported even better, got phenomenal gas mileage, and lasted forever. Slapping Saturn badges on existing GM brands rather than investing in growing the Saturn line doomed Saturn to failure. Way to kill off the only fucking thing you did right, GM. I hope you don't get the bailout and go under...
Not that I feel strongly about this or anyhing...
So that's my list of famous automotive "What the hell were they thinking???". What else did I miss (and yes, I deliberately left the Ford Edsel off this list. It's been done.)?
That is all.
18 comments:
I'm with you 100% on the Saturn.
I loved my SL2. Had over 187k hard miles on it when I got rid of it.
What they're doing now is damn near criminal.
Honda Element = Spongebob Squarecar
2. The concept was good, styling was utterly amazingly bad, compounded by the color choices. The Buick version was decent. On the other hand, I think it was partially responsible for starting to offer Pontiacs without gawdawful plastic cladding.
4. They took the Catera, made it ugly and called it the CTX where it became the car that keeps Cadillac off life support. The Cimmaron folly wasn't re-using a platform, it was the choice of platform and the lack of added content.
11. Starting Saturn in the first place, instead of putting the investment in quality into the rest of GM.
Breda said...
Honda Element = Spongebob Squarecar
And that Scion box is Bob the Builder car.
Amen about Saturn. I had a '92 SC that turned heads everywhere I drove and live in Spring Hill, Tennessee (site of the erstwhile Saturn plant, where several neighbors work) so I feel very strongly about it. Seems like GM executives saw that Saturn was doing things differently and succeeding and their egos couldn't handle that Saturn's success was from NOT being under their control, so they decided to quash it.
#1 Son would disagree with you on the Scion. I expect that he's closer to the target demographic than we are.
I am with you except for the new Camaro. It looks sweet.
Actually, "nova" means "new" in Latin. In English, it is more typically used to refer to an exploding star, which got the name "nova" from Tycho Brahe, who after witnessing one described it as "de stella nova" (or "the new star") as it had not been visible prior to the explosion.
In Spanish, "it doesn't go" is "no va," two words. "Nova" doesn't mean anything in Spanish (their word for new is nuevo).
Just sayin'.
Jay,
A much better plan for the Prowler would be to shoe-horn in the powerplant & tranny from the Viper . . . 600hp V-10 mated to a six-speed manual gearbox . . . ooooooh, mama.
Having driven a Nova (my roomie had one), "exploding star" seemed like a good analogy for it.
Back in the day when the Element was new, the ex and I wanted one. As the mom of (at the time) one very small, very messy person, the idea of a vehicle I could simply hose out to clean really appealed to me, and I thought they were so ugly they were cute. Alas, they're only 4-seaters, and even back then we had plans to spawn beyond a count of two.
The Nova, by the way, is very, very popular here. I've heard an urban legend that the Nova, because of the "no va" thing, bombed in Mexico. If its reception there was anything like its reception on the west side of San Anto, there's less to the story than you think.
Jay,
What about the Citicar?
I think you have your Scions mixed up. Not that it really matters, but the Yaris is a regular, if cheapo Toyota. I missed the Paseo, but apparently so did everyone else. The Element is an ugly Honda, not an ugly Toyota.
The Scion line consists of the xA, xB, and --- ahh hell, who gives a fuck? They're all silly looking ones, especially the one that looks like a refrigerator laid on it's side. I heard that they aren't selling well, so they might be wrapped into the regular Toyota line up. Again, who cares?
Heartily agree about the Saturn: we had a '94, and it was the "car that wouldn't die" (it had actually been totalled three times).
And I'll give qualified agreement on the Aztek: we owned one (and it wasn't our choice to give it up). Barring thr Starcraft conversion van my parents had for roadtrips when I was a kid, the Aztek was THE most confortable ride I've ever been in...
It's not on the list but I was out of town for a week on business and was "upgraded" (that's an UPGRADE?) to a Dodge Caliber.
The engine was underpowered and when under a load moaned like a disinterested hooker. Don't even attempt to merge unless you are doing so into a flock of sheep. After a day of chitty chitty bang banging around town in the thing I was tempted to drive with my range ear muffs on to cut out the road noise.
The rear part of the car had these giant pillars, between tiny windows, that created HUGE blind spots, that made merging a kind of Detroit roulette.
They may have good, hard working, union workers, but if this is what they were forced to make, no WONDER they are hurting.
You forgot the Escalade Hybrid. All those conservation-minded gang bangers really need to get 20 MPG instead of 16. Emblematic perhaps of why Detroit is going down for the third time.
Okay, I have to make a confession...
I liked the new Camaro. I also liked Subaru's Baja (at least better than most Subaru's).
The camaro rules. Get a life
Post a Comment