Back a few weeks ago when I asked for help coming up with ideas for Friday Fun thread car lists, one of the suggestions made was "Top 10 'Chick' cars Cars no guy would really want to admit owning or driving." by commenter libertyman. I couldn't have phrased it better myself - these are not cars that women should drive, mind you; simply cars that men should not...
Simply put, these are cars that, if you're a man and your girlfriend/wife/daughter were driving one and needed you to take the wheel, you would actually go and rent a tow truck rather than slide into the driver's seat...
1. Mazda Miata. Yeah. Driving a Miata is a one-way ticket to chicksville. Sure, it carries on the tradition set down by the MG, but it's still a car no XY should be caught driving. Too small, underpowered, and way too high of a "cute" factor...
2. Volkswagen New Beetle. I know Volkswagen was very concerned about the New Beetle being pigeonholed as a "chick car" - they went out of their way to equip a turbocharged Beetle and enter it in rallies. Err, no. The flower vase on the dashboard alone means you couldn't "guy up" a New Beetle with a gun rack...
3. Suzuki Sidekick. Okay, this one's going back a few, but the Sidekick (I believe it was called this because if it fell over, one good sidekick was all it needed to upright) was allegedly a "truck". The only men I knew who drove this made Nathan Lane look manly (not that there's anything wrong with that, of course).
4. Honda CRV. I think I know one man who owns a CRV, and about 20 women. This seems to be the go-to "mom" car for families with 1-2 kids, especially as gas prices skyrocketed a couple years back. It's a Honda, nice and reliable, but unless they start stuffing the V6 under the hood, it ain't a man's truck.
5. Toyota MR2. From it's inception in 1985 (when it was given to Playmate of the Year Karen Velez), the little teeny two seater Toyo has been pretty much a dedicated girl car. Nothing wrong with it, except that most guys tend to wear it like a shirt...
6. Geo Metro Convertible. Although I've seen a man driving a Metro convertible, he did so only under duress (just kidding sci-fi). It does have the advantage of a soft top that can be put up or down in fractions of a second, but the car is far too cutesy-small to be driven by a man... Also, see the MR2 above re: wearing, shirt like a.
7. Subaru Forester. Err, no. Even smaller than a CRV, and appropriated by the "sensible shoe" crowd means that this is definitely not a vehicle that a red-blooded American male should be driving. Or a red-blooded Canadian male, for that matter. French males, of course, are welcome to take the wheel.
8. Ford Focus. I don't know why the Focus is a girl's car, it just is. I cannot recall seeing a single Focus being driven by a male. Of course, they could possibly have been slumped down below the door line so their buddies couldn't see them driving their girlfriend's car...
9. Pontiac Sunfire/Chevrolet Cavalier convertibles. See Miata, above. Only these twins have the misfortune to belong to GM, meaning that not only did you get a girl car, you got a crappy girl car.
10. Dodge Caravan. Any minivan, really, because driving a minivan is cause for instand man-card revocation. Really. If you want a van, go for a full-size with a Starcraft conversion package. Man car. Toyota Sienna? Girl car. Ford Econoline 350? Man car. Honda Odyssey? Girl car (sorry Brad)... ;)
So there's my list of "Cars no man should drive". I'm certain that I've offended, well, pretty much everyone with my overly insensitive list, so let me have it. I'm probably going to be flayed alive by Tam, Breda, Brigid, and the rest of the female blogosphere, I realize, but one has to suffer for one's art I suppose... ;)
Tell my why your favorite set 'o' wheels shouldn't be on the list. As Dr. Crane says, "I'm listening".
That is all.
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34 comments:
I can't believe you left out the quintessential chick car, the Mitsubishi Eclipse. Favorite of strippers and pole dancers.
I drive a minivan. It was the wifes but when it got to the age that I didn't trust it for cross country travel with her and the kids I started driving it to work.
It does have several advantages:
1. I'm too cheap to spend money on a vehicle when I have one that works reasonably well.
2. It is big enough to carry lots of bulky (but not extremely heavy stuff).
3. It gets 7+ MPG more than my pickup.
4. I believe that it attracts less attention from law enforcement than a sporty looking vehicle.
5. I also believe that thieves are less likely to break into a minivan than something fancy - I mean, come on, what kind of interesting items like guns would the driver of a minivan have in his vehicle?
A adult male doesn't drive a vehicle because of image. He drives it because it does the job i.e. gets him from where he is to where he wants to be. Immature people drive vehicles because of image.
I'm not offended by your list. I think it's funny. Caring about other people's opinion of my vehicle is sort of like caring what other people think about how well your shoes match your outfit - only a metrosexual would be worried about it.
Keep up the good work! I love it.
I'm seeing a striking similarity between this list and "The Fast & The Furious" fanboy wannabes...
Okay, this clinches it. Somewhere part of my girl gene disappeared. I would never be caught dead in any of those, much less driving. I'd prefer something from the '70s with nice lines and a 350 Chevy small block.
Remember, folks, this is all in good fun.
(Trying to stave off the hit squads, y'know...)
Alan,
It must be a TX thing - around here, the male:female ratio of Eclipse drivers is about 5:1...
Bitmap,
It's all in jest. Some of the cars make the list solely because it allows me to take gentle pokes at friends... *g*
Heck, I drove a Toyota minivan when I was a starvin' grad student. Not only was it a minivan, it was a mostly rotted-out minivan. So it was girlie *AND* ugly as sin... Oh, and it looked like a toaster and smelled like pigs...
Zercool,
Any resemblence to other lists is entirely purposeful... ;)
EmmaPeel,
You say that like there's something wrong with it?
I think we need to show Detroit (what's left of it, that is) that there's still a market for insanely overpowered V8s and RWD cars...
Toyota Highlander. Mrs. TOTWTYTR owns a very nice one, as do about a trillion other women. My son is looking to replace his Tacoma, which Toyota just bought back from him.
I suggested he look at a Highlander and he replied. "Dad, it's a man rule, you can't drive the same car as your mom."
He's on to something here.
It's a nice car to drive, which I do on trips with the Mrs. I still wouldn't use one as my own car though.
Oh, I always thought that the 6 cyl. version of the Pontiac Trans Am was a girlie car too.
Jay,
I've got one for the list . . . the Pontiac Fiero from the mid 1980's. Saw one today, in fact.
- Brad
Hey man, I'll have you know the voices in my head confirmed that I was a strikingly macho image while driving my little sissy red Miata! :)
However, my daughter said I looked like a pathetic fat middle-aged guy trolling for chicks. :(
So, I decided my macho image needed a makeover. I traded the Miata for a minivan. :@
Ah jeez, Brad. I owned a Fiero too ...
Now I'm banned from the macho club forever.
I'll 2nd the Fiero. Regarding the minivan - If only the Mrs. would let me paint our Sienna A-Team style. At any rate, you can fit more man-crap in a Sienna with folding seats than you can in most trucks.
I think you can make a case for the Jeep Liberty. I can't remember the last time I saw a guy behind the wheel of one.
As long as you leave the Sammy alone Ill go with the Sidekick, I've seen way to many cool ass Sammys.
What if you painted 'em, like, camouflage and mounted belt-fed M60s on 'em? And stuffed the cd player/changer with Pantera, Motorhead or pre-Black Album Metallica? I think you could make damn near anything on four wheels manly that way. ;-)
Jay,
I just had a chance to READ this post in detail . . . this a.m. was a quick scan. Regarding the comment about the Odyssey, I have two things for you.
1) the price to acquire was near zero -- can't argue that benefit.
2) BITE ME.
J-Zach . . . I actually kinda like the Fiero. I just happen to think Pontiac got is a bit wrong. Rather than the 2.5l "iron duke" four-banger, they should have used a different engine. IIRC, at the time Pontiac has a 1.8l turbo charged affair that was good for 160, maybe 170 bhp. That engine in the Fiero would have been a SCREAMER.
BTW . . the fiero I saw today was bright yellow.
- Brad
Hey wait a minute -- who's idea was this!!!?? Oooops, mine, I know. So WHAT if I used to have a Miata!? At least it was black, and it had nice wheels and a sporty exhaust, and a few extras. But it was a blast to drive, never broke and looked nice. Sort of like a .32ACP carry gun, when you think about it.
Are we using it as a demographic or as the traditional pejorative?
Anyhow... a lot of it has to do with options, too.
6-cyl Mustangs and Camaros are definitely secretary-mobiles.
The base BMW Z3 roadsters, with skinny rear fenders, 16in. rims, and a wheezy 1.9l inline-4 where the motor is supposed to be, usually coupled to a slushbox, definitely qualify.
Miatas are only considered "girlie cars" by guys who can't heel-and-toe and who think a racetrack is an oval thing in Alabama.
(BTW, while it was being sold, the 4-cyl Fiero was, statistically speaking, the girliest car in America...)
"Oh, I always thought that the 6 cyl. version of the Pontiac Trans Am was a girlie car too."
The only 6-cyl Trans Am was the '89 20th Anniversary, which packed a 3.8L Buick V-6 turbo and was anything but girlie.
Otherwise, a Pontiac F-body with a V-6 is a Firebird.
...as any self-respecting butch car guy should know. ;) :p
I'm gonna have to add the Honda Prelude to the list of girlie cars. Never once saw a guy driving one of those except recently. Come to think of it, this may be another bit of proof in the Fast and Furious posit by an earlier commenter.
Brass
Tam,
Actually, it was meant more in the "Hanz & Franz" manner, as in "Yah, only a GIRLIE MAN would drive such a car"...
All in good fun. Please don't hunt me for sport.
As for the Miata, I believe it. I had a friend with an MGB back in the '80s that he'd modded up quite a bit. VERY grippy little car.
When it ran...
(Not that the Miata suffers from the same issues - Lucas Electrics, the reason we drink Guiness warm... - just an observation from many years of giving him rides to work...)
It makes me giggle that one of my ex's drove 2 of these cars in the time I knew him.
Now I'm the one with the focus, and the lifetime member of the nra in my life (he hasnt bought me my my membership yet) drives an f150. i know when he drove last because I can't reach the pedals.
I used to tease the shit out of a guy at work who had a Subaru Forester. I told him that he had to be female, over 60 and/or lesbian in order to legally own a Forester.
He sold it and bought a Jeep CJ.
Prius. A Real Man isn't afraid to rape the environment.
Plus, honorable mention to the Vespa. Yeah, it's not a car, but you see a guy riding one and you just have to shake your head sadly. His manhood is clearly held in a blind trust, with his wife as the executor.
I'd add the Geo Tracker to the list. It was the original girlie-jeep and Subaru alternative for the "less cultured".
Kevin,
The Geo Tracker *is* on the list: See Sidekick, Suzuki... :)
Tam, point taken on the Firebird vs. Trans-Am. In my defense my interest in American muscle cars extends no later than the early 1970s models.
I know a guy that got a divorce, a Miata, and a hot new wife, as part of his mid life crisis package. Then he got two new babies, so he now drives something suitable for car seats. Those Miatas are definitely bad news. ;)
What was that car? The Pontiac Fiero? Small, looked like a rip off of a TR7, and it was made of plastic. That was a serious girl car at the time.
One rear ended my Dodge Ram Charger in 88 (I know, I know, never DID get me one of them girlie cars :-) while I was stopped waiting for a train to pass. I had a tiny little scratch on the bumper. I think it was totaled. The whole front of the car shattered after it hit me doing maybe 30 miles an hour.
I really have to disagree with the MR2. They're awesome little cars.
Although the newest MRS Spyder's are truly girlie cars.
Gonna disagree with Alan here, as my prefered cage is a '92 'Bitchy. 'Course, I also regularly wear a kilt, so...
You DID miss one girlie car: the PT Cruiser. Of all the PTs I've seen, I think there have been maybe 3 that were driven by lone men. Of course, what do you expect from a body-changed Neon?
Brigid,
A Ramcharger? Very cool. I've seen pictures of the '94 era body style Ramcharger from Mexico, and it boggles my mind that Chrysler didn't turn it into a full-fledged uber-SUV in 2002 when they released the four door Ram.
Well, at least when the demand tanked they looked somewhat intelligent.
For Chrysler, that is...
Mike W.,
The MR2 is an awesome car.
For a girl.
:)
Strings,
PT Cruiser FTW! Yes, that is most definitely a girl car. That's probably why it escaped my glance... ;)
(interestingly enough, Mom G. was considering the PT convertible but wound up with a Sebring...)
Mea culpa. I'd forgotten Tracker = Sidekick.
Two other cars that were statistically and demographically extremely girlie:
1) Geo Metro convertible. Better than 7 out of 10 were registered to female drivers.
2) Nissan Pulsar.
Also, about the Mitsu Eclipse (at least the 1st and 2nd Gen ones):
They're just like the Mustang/Camaro.
If it's a normally-aspirated slushbox FWD Eclipse, it's girlie. If it's a turbocharged and intercooled, 4WD, 5-spd GSX model, not so much.
Great minds think alike on the Metro convertible, Tam - see #6... ;)
I was watching this show from the other side of the pond called wheeler dealers. Apparently a Sidekick/Tracker is considered a "hairdresser's car", which i thought apropos to your list.
Borepatch,
There's at least one exception to your Vespa comment. Plus, as a former Honda Metropolitan jock, I'll point out that 105 mpg is nothing to sneeze at.
Another addition to the list: Honda Del Sol. Way to chop the balls of a halfway-decent sports car (CRX), Honda.
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