Chatting with da boyz (and girlz) in the Gunblogger Conspiracy, something came up that kind of stuck out in my mind. Someone (I forget who, exactly, sorry) mentioned that their wife wasn't 100% on board with the idea that they carried a gun for protection. This piqued my curiousity - I think I've mentioned before that Mrs. G. isn't exactly a 2A enthusiast. For a long time, she didn't like the idea of me carrying a gun, but over time kinda got used to the idea that her husband carried. In fact, now it's kind of a game - she'll "frisk" me if she suspects I'm packin'. It did get me to thinkin', though (always a scary proposition)...
Why? Why would a spouse/significant other/long time girl or boyfriend/person otherwise committed to the relationship have a problem with their beloved carrying a gun?
Does this make any sense whatsoever? In many cases, you trust this person driving a car. You trust this person to operate heavy equipment, be it a lawn mower, snow thrower, power tools, etc. You trust this person with heavy blunt objects, sharp pointy objects, and all sorts of potentially deadly weapons day in and day out. If they haven't freaked out and bludgeoned you to death with a pork roast, or stabbed you to death with knitting needles, why on earth are you afraid of them carrying a firearm?
It's got to be the constant media barrage of "ZOMG GUNZ R TEH EEEEEVIL" that we see on a regular basis. It's got to be the fear-mongering of the antis; the constant references to "blood in the streets"; "vigilantes"; and "days of the wild west" that they insist on foisting upon us even though there's no factual support. It's the Jimmy Carter "no one needs an assault weapon to shoot up a school" crap; the Kellerman "43 times more likely to be killed with your own gun" bogus statistic; or the standard "you don't need a gun, that's what the police are for" barrage of lies they hear on TV and in the mainstream media that makes them doubt us.
What other possible explanation could it be? Do they think that firearms exude mind-control rays that turn their otherwise kind and loving schmoopsie into Travis Bickle? Do they think that their fiancée is some simmering Paul Kersey just waiting for the opportunity to enact vengeance? That their sweet, loving husband who changes the baby's diaper and calls his mother on her birthday is secretly fantasizing about being Dirty Harry blowing some punk away with a .44? It simply defies logic. This person either is or is not a psychotic maniac. They either are or are not stable and trustworthy.
If they're not to be trusted with a gun on their belt, why on earth would you trust them with a butcher's knife in the block or a chainsaw in the garage? The thought of your significant other making the conscious decision to carry a firearm for his or her defense - and, we would hope, yours as well - should be something you applaud. Your soulmate thinks you're worth defending. Worth putting their lives, their sacred honor on the line; worth facing the elephant. And yet you're going to carp and whine about him or her carrying a 20 ounce chunk of metal? If they can't be trusted with a Glock, how can you trust them at all?
Don't buy into the fearmongering and panic. Trust your loved one, or get out of the relationship. Look deep within your own heart, and ask yourself what is causing the real issue behind your distrust of your armed mate. If it's ignorance (of guns, of concealed carry, etc.), get educated -there's no better cure than information. If it's mistrust of your significant other in general, get to the bottom of it or get out of the relationship. But don't make it about an inanimate object - that's just plain silly.
Don't let your life be controlled by what you fear, especially if that fear is based on lies and obfuscations.
That is all.
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I'm curious, Jay: have you and Mrs G ever discussed why she was originally not-entirely-happy with the idea of you carrying?
What other possible explanation could it be?
I can think of a couple of possibilities, but it would only be wild-ass speculation.
My wife is perfectly comfortable with me carrying. We recently met visiting friends in downtown NOLa for dinner. It was a couple of blocks to the restaurant. They asked if it was safe to walk and my wife told them that I was packing. I'm not sure if that reassured them or not.
When we were on our Katrina evacuation adventures, she always asked me if I had a gun when we left our room.
wolfwalker,
A lot of it is philosophical: Admitting that there might be a reason to carry a gun is admitting that there is evil in the world. She's of the "well, I've never known anyone who needed a gun" mindset, and wants to stay that way...
PE,
You're a lucky man indeed... :)
Over the years Mrs. G. has gotten more used to the idea. It's at the point now where if she feels my G30 when she hugs me I just get a wry smile rather than a dissertation on why I don't need to carry to the grocery store...
I think it's part of the media bias, but I think you hit the nail on the head...she's never known any need for it, so therefore, it's not a requirement for her. My mother feels the same way. Firm believer in Constitutional rights, including 2A, but doesn't think she or anyone else NEEDS a gun, because the only people who NEED a gun are those that put themselves in those situations to begin with.
Think it may have been my comment in channel that started it, but don't know for sure - and certainly not important. :)
She still grumbles quietly sometimes, but MrsZ has gotten better about just rolling her eyes.
PE - I might be having a discussion with the wife about what the armchair commandos call "OpSec" ... and I call, "Please don't advertise the fact that I'm carrying." :-D
Yeah, it's the propaganda. One of my ex's was a total gearhead. She loved machines, the sound of engines, could take apart and rebuild a positraction limited slip differential with her eyes closed. But she was really uncomfortable around the dissassembled parts of my mauser. Not even assembled she was scared. (it was new and I'd been cleaning the cosmoline off it, she instantly recognized the parts as a gun) I tried to explain that it was a well designed machine just like a car, using fluid gas pressure to move something, but she couldn't bring herself to see it that way. living in MD I can't carry but I'm sure if I had that would have freaked her out even more.
I have long since given up expecting logic from that subset of humanity that will stay angry at you all day for something you did in her dreams the night before.
This subject has long been of interest to me.
I know why my wife wants nothing to do with guns, although she accepts very logically and without any problems that I own guns, shoot them with our kids, and carry one frequently for protection.
She was doing her surgical rotation in medical school when a 9 or 10 year old boy was brought in with a gunshot wound to his abdomen. He got an exploratory laparotomy to find the sources of bleeding, immediately in the ER, not in surgery. His guts were opened, spilled out on the exam table, sewn up, and reinserted.
The child died of horrible sepsis after three weeks of heroic efforts to keep him alive. She helped with his case from the moment he arrived to his death.
He had been shot by his older brother who found a revolver in the bushes at their neighborhood park. It was likely a drug dealer's stashed weapon. The older brother played with it until he ended up shooting his brother.
She has zero interest in using something that is associated with the horror of that case. However, she has no problem with my gun use, and is very happy that our kids know how to use one safely.
One day, she says, she will come shooting with us. Just not for the past 20 years or so. Maybe soon.
I'd welcome any suggestions on how to move her from her strong feelings of personal revulsion regarding shooting to a more positive opinion and perhaps even shooting guns herself.
Mikee, I don't think there's a good answer to that. In your wife's case, it sounds like a classical phobia. She had a traumatic event with something, and it scarred her. It's understandable. Chances are she cognitively grasps that there's no connection, but visceral reactions are harder/nearly impossible to regulate.
I am a little uneasy with the idea of guns in the house, and it is certainly a media issue. Much as I realize my kid is exponentially more likely to drown than to be accidentally killed with a gun...Wait, that's actually not a good example, because I'm paranoid as hell around swimming pools too.
Women aren't always logical when it comes to the safety of our kids. We're programmed that way, to sometimes go a little overboard in the safety arena. I didn't allow my kids in the kitchen for YEARS because I had/have an unreasonable fear of them pulling a pan of boiling water down on themselves/cutting themselves with a knife, etc. Dumb fear? You betcha. But again, the visceral thing is much harder to deal with.
All that said, I don't have a problem at all with my ex-husband owning a gun. Simplistic as it may sound, I would never have trusted him with my body if I didn't trust him completely. (And his weakness is women, not violence, so hey...)
Thank you, Sabra.
And as a child, I gave myself severe burns cooking popcorn in a pan, set a nativity scene on fire, wrecked on my bike with broken bones, and still survived.
I have heard that scars add character.
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