Confessions of a Helicopter...

Blogson Colin sends this interesting article:

Are we raising a generation of nincompoops?

NEW YORK—Second-graders who can't tie shoes or zip jackets. Four-year-olds in Pull-Ups diapers. Five-year-olds in strollers. Teens and preteens befuddled by can openers and ice-cube trays. College kids who've never done laundry, taken a bus alone or addressed an envelope.

Are we raising a generation of nincompoops? And do we have only ourselves to blame? Or are some of these things simply the result of kids growing up with push-button technology in an era when mechanical devices are gradually being replaced by electronics?

I'd wager that my parents struggled with analogous concepts while raising my sister and I - how are they going to survive if they can't milk a cow/gap a spark plug/field strip a 1911/etc.? I'm sure my grandparents wrestled with other, different, but similar questions, each appropriate to the time period and players involved. Technology changes; what was state of the art when I was TheBoy's age is now entirely forgotten - computers no longer fill entire rooms; cars no longer take leaded gas, require a choke, or use a carburetor; televisions are no longer black and white nor have knobs - or UHF.

Somethings, though are universal: telling time on an analog clock face; riding a bicycle with two wheels; tying a pair of shoes. No amount of digital watches, scooters, or Velcro closures will replace the classics; allowing your child to fail to master certain key concepts can only hurt them in the long run. To truly be a complete parent, you have to accept that yes, sometimes your child is going to fail. They won't always get the part, or make the team, or tie their shoes on the first try (or thirtieth, for some kids).

I've done the helicopter bit, holding hands a bit too long, hovering over my child as he takes his first tentative, halting steps. I've gasped in horror as my crawling infant slipped on the tile floor and got a bloody lip; I've brought my son to the doctor's office over a slight fever, convinced he had the flu; I think to an extent all parents go through that insane overprotective phase. By the time the second child rolls around, you've BTDT and it's amazing how something that would have had you in hysterics with kid1 barely even registers with kid2. You're bleeding? Don't get any on the rug.

Some parents never grow out of this, and it's those parents at which this article is aimed. Everyone has an example of this type of parent - the one that calls the school to complain that their kid wasn't chosen as the bathroom monitor yesterday even though it was clearly their turn; the ones that argue every grade lower than A- with the teacher, convinced that their precious little snowflake is simply incapable of anything less than "A" quality work. They're the parents that make their kids' lunches for them as they're going off to high school, or folding their laundry for them in college.

They're the parents whose kids are going to - at some point in their life - fail, and when they do indeed fail, they're going to be crushed.

Part of being a parent is letting your kid make bad decisions. Hitting your sister even though you've been threated with being grounded; staying out past curfew on a school night; "borrowing" the car even though you don't even have your license yet (whose bright idea was it to try to sneak out a diesel, anyways???) The trick as the parental unit is to let them fail in ways that won't ruin their lives, leave scars, or hurt anyone else; you want them to learn from their mistakes so that they won't make the same ones, but at the same time, you don't want them going to jail.

At least not for more than an overnight's visit...

Going to extremes in defense of your child when they're in the right is one thing; they need to know that mom and dad believe in them and will support them in a righteous cause. But just as giving support when needed is a good thing, giving support when you should be telling them "what the hell were you thinking???" is a bad thing - they get the idea that they can do no wrong, that the world owes them something, that they are entitled to have everything they want just fall into their laps.

IOW, they're Democrats-in-training.

It's a balancing act for sure - no one wants their progeny to fail. It's human nature that we want to see our children exceed our own fortunes; that we want them to be successful where we failed (or simply didn't try); we want them to have all the possibilities we were offered and then some. Being in a position to allow your kids the freedom to succeed - or fail - based on their own effort (and a little pushing and prodding from mom & dad) - is the greatest feeling in the world. Watching your child succeed in an endeavor is a wonderful feeling.

Watching them succeed after getting up from failure is even better.

That is all.