Framingham man charged with toilet paper assault
FRAMINGHAM — A Framingham man threw a roll of toilet paper at a town custodian Wednesday because he thought he was inappropriately whistling in a restroom at the Memorial Building, police said.
Allen Kerner, 55, will be summoned to Framingham District Court for hitting the janitor in the head with the roll, police spokesman Lt. Ron Brandolini said.
At first glance, I thought it was going to be a story about a pre-Halloween TP'ing gone awry. Alas, simply some brittle person with skin far too thin to be out in public. Now, one does wonder what exactly transpired to get the police involved - you'd like to think that, ordinarily, a roll of toilet paper wouldn't rise to the level of "Call the Police!", but there are so many different ways this could have gone down that it's hard to tell.
One thing's for certain - this guy had better get anger management counseling before he graduates to paper towel rolls or, heaven forfend, typing paper...
That is all.
6 comments:
Maybe it's one of those huge commercial size rolls that's over a foot across and weighs several pounds? That would certainly be dangerous enough when tossed right at your head.
Don't squeeze the Charmin'!
...
FINE! I'll throw it at someone instead!
Phillip's right. It could have been one of those high-capacity Assault Rolls with the shoulder thing that goes up.
New MA law in 3, 2, 1...
tweaker
I wonder if the slate will be wiped clean? How about the paperwork? I hope he is flush, and can afford a lawyer. Or is it another case of CYA???
Criminalize toilet paper and only criminals will have toilet paper...
The guy's obviously a shithead.
TP is like his kryptonite.
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