I have bad news for you. Even though you have that shiny pseudo-exotic luxo-sedan, it's not all about you. While your car might be the most expensive one in the line of 25+ behind you, it still doesn't mean you can travel down the road at 15 MPH below the speed limit, randomly hitting your brakes in no apparent pattern.
And it certainly doesn't give you the right to slow down, turn your right directional on, move over to the right and then continue straight on. Fortunately, I had been following your fucktard antics for 4-5 miles and knew that you have the raw driving ability of a mummified Egyptian, so I knew better than to believe the turn signal. Especially since I had watched you turn it on and then ignore it seven or eight times previously.
But the best, the absolute best part, was the stopping in the middle of the road. That was a true classic, sir. Especially the part where you gave me the finger when I honked at you. I mean, really, what was I thinking? You're in a Lexus! The road belongs to you! If you want to stop in the middle of the travel lane and ponder life's mysteries, who am I, lowly American truck driver, to hurry you upon your way?
You, sir, are the reason that I dare not own a grenade launcher...
That is all.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
18 comments:
WOW... I bet that guy doesnt realize how lucky he is that he will make it home alive tonight does he?
who am I, lowly American truck driver, to hurry you upon your way?
You, sir, are the one who is going to give him the up-close-and-personal view of the underpinnings of a Hemi Ram, as viewed through a Lexus sunroof.
Jay,
You seen the pics circling the 'net of some intrepid Libyan rebel who mounted a TANK TURRET to the bed of his pickup? Just saying, is all . . . .
Of course, the other reason you don't own a grenade launcher is that you're still looking for one that has a bayonet lug ;)
No grenade launcher, okay, but how about just a flamethrower?
Have alook at hornblasters.com. I think some sonic energy would be effective.
Bet you wish you had that sweet-ass trebuchet you posted about previously, eh?
Jay;
Mr.Lexus is a carbon copy of at least 15% of Florida drivers. I see them daily. We also have the crotch rocket riders splitting traffic at 140 mph with the Hot Hatch Hooligans sporting their flatulent large bore muffler too. At least it never snows so their true idiocy isn't on display in a concentrated manner.
And I always thought that drivers like that were the reason to own a grenade launcher/flame thrower/bazooka/vehicle mounted heavy weapons.
When faced with large noisy parties/screaming children/continuous camera flashes at a nice restaurant my wife will look at my gritted teeth and hunched hostile posture and say "This is why I don't let you carry grenades."
My '87 'Stang had a non-functional switch on the dashboard that I think was reserved for the convertible variant. I taped a label on it: "Guns/Missiles" for drivers just like that.
And that is why I want a HUMVEE with a Ma Deuce in a remote controlled turret, and a PA loudspeaker system.
*CRRSCH!* You in the Powder-Blue Prius. Get off my ass and quit honking. Right now. Or else." *CRRSCH!*
I remember an old sci-fi book (although the name escapes me) that had a character with a 55 chevy that was converted into a futuristic car. It had a switch labeled "Sic 'em Fido" on the dash, that when triggered would send out a large electro-plasma bolt that would dis-integrate whatever it hit.
Jay;
Please forgive me. I failed to mention that twin forward mounted Browning M2s (yes the venerated and beloved Ma Deuce .50 Cal,) on my little VW would solve many of the problems we have today in traffic. A short burst would "de-motivate" most assholes. Or at least enlarge their orifces.
The recoil would suffice to slow me down enough to avoid the bits pieces and large parts scattered on the road that my beloved friend Ma deuce has added to the scenery.
The joy I would have passing the idiots with the startled look in their eyes of "What the f--- happened to me!" is beyond description.
Just remember, John Moses Browning was a brilliant man so his work product must by neccessity be brilliant, therefore front mounted twin M2s are good good good.
@ Robert: It was a trilogy by this guy. Great stuff, especially for trucker/geeks like me. ;)
I've said this many times in traffic: "Nice car. Maybe someday you'll learn to drive it!"
Idiots.. they exist!
It's been a while but once I enounterd one of those. At the time the wagon was
a 1972 F250 FWD with 16" split rims. Can you say large, err huge. BEtween the racks and custom bumpers at both ends it was the WAR Wagon. It was the boat ramp monster in reality but the
OR in Ford had an effect when only those letters in the grill filled rear view mirrors.
Anyhow one dolt did exactly that with his Caddy (back then it was the lexus of the day), the blinkers brakes and slow driving and all. He got a honkin big surprized when I passed him and stopped diagonally across the road. Got out of the truck and back then that was a climb down. Politely knocked on the roof of the car and asked what in the world he though he was doing. All I got was EYEs, really big eyes. Seems the turd was pickled
to about .12 or above. Got on the radio (business not CB) and asked the dispatch to call the fuzz and where to be. The officer was not happy with me
blocking the road but wrapped up the drunk then and there.
There are a lot of incompetent drivers and drunks out there. Also the occasional nut with anger managment issues. Watch for them. My goal every time I go out is "Arrive alive".
My personal hood ornament of choice
would be 20MM recoilless rifle. I only need one shot.
Eck!
Just yesterday, Infiniti SUV pulls from the right lane into my lane then stops trying to force his way into the turn lane that is already full of cars and puts up his hands when I honk like, "what do you want me to do, I used my signal?". Oh good sir, how about taking your OVERPRICED SOCCER-MOM-MOBILE TO THE NEXT INTERSECTION AND TAKING A U TURN? I'd opt for heat seeking missiles myself except here in Fla. I'd go broke having to rearm myself every week.
Post a Comment