A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:Heh. I think we all know someone like this and would love to see the expression on their face...
"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.
"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.."
"Oh, really! What'd he say?"
He said: "Wow. Who fucked up your hair?"
That is all.
5 comments:
EPIC LIKE.
tweaker
Q: This plane is so old, is it safe???
A: Yes, that is how it got to be an old plane.
An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas, leading an old
tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to
clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule
to the hitch rail.
As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a
young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a
bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old
man, have you ever danced?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance ...
never really wanted to."
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old
fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.
The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping
around like a flea on a hot skillet.
Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied. When his last bullet had been
fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned
around to go back into the saloon.
The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun,
and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert
air.
The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the
sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.
The silence was almost deafening.
The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large
gaping holes of those twin 10 gauge barrels. The barrels of the shotgun
never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you
ever kissed a mule's ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir ... but.... I've always
wanted to."
There are a few lessons for us all here:
Never be arrogant.
Don't waste ammunition.
Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
Don't mess with old folks, they didn't get old by being stupid.
I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?
A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart .... Nice children you've got there - are they twins?"
The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins?........ Do you really think they look alike?"
"No," replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice!"
A woman laughed and pointed at the stomach of a portly old man and said "So what kind of beer have you got in there?" A bit taken aback, the man nonetheless replied "I have no idea, but there's a tap underneath if you want a taste".
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