Okay. Mother Nature can kiss my hairy Italian ass.
April 4th. 4" of fucking snow. And the "walking wounded" (my polite euphemism for the rompin' retards on the road around here) have completely and utterly lost their ever-lovin' minds in the three weeks since we last had a snowstorm. Yup, they took out their "know how to drive in the snow" brains along with the ice scrapers and snowshovels at the start of spring.
Took me over an hour to drive the 15 miles from work to home. Over an hour. Here's the kicker: I never put the truck into four wheel drive. Yes, I was driving a ridiculously over-powered, rear-wheel drive, no-weight-over-the-drive-wheels pick-up truck without 4WD all the fucking way home and I didn't have a single problem. I even stopped off the side of the road in untouched snow to clean off my windshield (after another rompin' retard blew through a stop sign in front of me and I slammed on the brakes hard enough to launch all the snow from the middle of the roof onto the windshield, but that's a rant for another time...) and got going without using 4WD.
And yet, sure as shit, here's Herbie Fucknugget going 10 MPH uphill, petrified beyond belief that the evil white mystery substance falling from the sky is going to muscle his car completely off the road and into the underbrush, where it will be carried off by mutant squirrels and used to replicate an automotive facsimile of Stonehenge For Squirrels...
I knew this was going to happen. I just got the call from Manchester Harley-Davidson. My bike's back from winter storage, and I've got to go pick it up this weekend. Did I mention that none of my cold-weather gear fits me any more??? The forecast for Saturday is 40ºF and snow flurries. I blame George Bush and his refutation of the Kyoto Accords...
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7 comments:
Jay,
An intelligent man would say 'get new gear.' A caring man might say, 'great job on your fitness efforts.' A wise man might say, 'he who sheds weight like the snake sheds its skin will live a long life.' On the other hand, I have nothing of the sort to offer. I have a simple, truly elegant solution to your quandry. My recommendation: Sell the bike.
{counts chickens before they hatch}
{ducks}
{runs for own life}
- Brad
What, have you been talking to Mrs. G again? That's her answer...
Sell the bike? Wouldn't that be like selling your balls... er I mean manhood, I mean... oh nevermind. Don't sell the bike! :-)
Jay, You may have to sell the bike to buy a plow or an Al Gore Carbon Offset.
It took me 20' to get out of my road IN 4WD! I'd go a bit, get stuck, backup to the flat, rinse & repeat.
Some greasy shit, all right. 7" this am.
Not gonna plow in April, if I wanta keep what's left of my dirt on the road, I'm here to tell ya.
BTW, I'm selling carbon offsets to the public. I'll take a picture of the tree I started growin' to each responder.
ONLY $29.95, & you can be free of your own personal carbon footprint.
Such a deal, no?
An' like Bruce says, if I get no takers, I'll go burn a tire in the woods.
Spread the word to all your hippie friends.
heh.
I resent the implication that I would be friends with filthy hippies... *g*
(BTW... Workin' on a .308 of my very own... Watch this space soon... Buy A Gun Day is coming...)
Haven't owned a bike since I dumped one on Interstate 95 doing about 65 mph through no fault of my own, and I rode dirt bikes since I was 12 yo.
Loved your diatribe about dealing with numnuts trying to drive in the snow. THEY are the biggest hazard. Nice post.
Mike
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