Urge To Kill... Rising... Rising...

Alternate title: Yes, I still hate people.

Let's see. There was apparently a fire sale on stupid this morning. Going in chronological order from the time I left the house...

*Dude. You are driving a fucking Kia. It's approximately the size of my childrens' wagon. There is no reason on G-d's Green Earth why you had to swing out of your 2.5 car-wide driveway into 3/4 of my travel lane. If you can't handle the awesome power of a Kia, might I suggest something more your speed, like a pack mule?

*To the developer who sent one of his front-end loaders down the winding back road at 5 MPH: I hope you meet up with a rabid pit bull with AIDS. The lobotomized goon driving that bucketloader has no business being out in public, let alone handling heavy machinery. Your blatant disregard for the public way did not go unnoticed.

And in that same vein,

*To the nice officer who waved me around the construction right into the path of the dumptruck: Yes, that jogger had nice tits that were bouncing all over the place. However, the Kenworth that almost flattened me because you were paying more attention to the boobs on the broad rather than the boobs on the road didn't seem to care. Thanks for the burst of adrenaline, Officer Ogle.

*And Mr. "Ultimate Driving Machine" BMW: Note: When there is no oncoming traffic, it is safe to make a left turn through the intersection. You don't have to wait for the people two counties over. You were literally one second away from being pushed.

*Ah, the soccer dad in his Escalade: The fact that you paid $15,000 extra for a Chevy Suburban with $5 worth of plastic Cadillac emblems does not give you the right to ignore traffic laws and good ol' common sense. You are not lord and sovereign of the road because you own a re-badged Yukon.

*What the holy fuck is going on with people and stop signs? Folks, look, it's fucking simple. The red signs with eight sides mean STOP. Not "blow through without any regard for oncoming traffic"; not "take your foot off the accelerator for a microsecond", but FUCKING STOP. Cease motion. Let velocity = 0. DO NOT FUCKING GO.

*To the pathetic dude in the 'Stang - brother... really... While I appreciate your bid to be the "ultimate mid-life crisis stereotype", with the gold chains and bad toupee in the bright red sports car convertible, when you're traveling 15 MPH below the speed limit you might as well be driving a 1985 Buick LeSabre with a Landau roof...

*Mr. Sportbike: I'm not certain if lane-splitting is legal in MA or not, but when it's less than one light cycle's worth of traffic at the light you just look like a monumental asshole. It's impatient jerkwads like you that make people hate motorcyclists, which leads to them actively trying to kill me on my bike.

*To the stupid motherfucker delivering the morning newspaper: Jackass, watch what the fuck you're doing. You pulled over, dropped off the multiple bags of papers, then whipped back into traffic without even looking. You very nearly caused a multiple car accident, and I would have GLADLY taken time off from work to show up as a witness at the court trial.

*Lastly... To the fucking asswipe who honked at me while I waited at the stop sign: Eat shit and die, you offspring of a syphillitic whore and an orangutan. What the flying fuck did you expect me to do? Blow through the stop sign into oncoming traffic? Fuck you. You are DAMN lucky I didn't throw the truck into reverse and smash into you, and then claim you rear-ended me. Fuckstick. Here's hoping you stall on the train tracks after you go around the gate.

Wow. I need to get to the range...