Pinewood Derby AAR

So, our pack had its Pinewood Derby on Saturday. This was my first experience both as an Assistant Cubmaster and a Tiger Cub parent in holding/attending a Pinewood Derby - the last time I took part in one, it was Reagan's first term in office... From what I could remember of that murky time period so long ago, my part in "making" the car consisted primarily of choosing the color.

Anyhoo... as for the car, my son chose the design. I carved it out of the standard issue block of official BSA Pinewood Derby wood, and he did most of the sanding. I drilled holes for the weights, he sanded some more, we puttied over the holes and got it ready to paint. My son designed the paint scheme and chose the stickers for the car, and I was prepared to let him paint it. He asked me to do the actual painting, saying he was "too nervous" and wanted the car to "look nice". His faith in me is heartening, if misplaced... Without further ado, here's the "Dragon Poptart" (He chose the name):

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Now... Friday night. Weigh-in and check-in. All participating Scouts (or their designees) must bring their car to the site of the race between 7:00 PM and 8:00 PM the night before. Cars will be weighed (maximum allowable weight: 5 ounces) and checked for illegal substances (I kid you not - there's apparently an entire cottage industry built around "aftermarket" wheels, axles, and other assorted goodies designed to make the car go faster. Only one car was found to have non-approved materials, and it was an aesthetic choice rather than a speed choice. So only one DQ out of some 70+ cars.

Finally left the church sometime around 11 after setting up the track, setting up the hall, getting the café ready, and testing the software and video (the track has photoelectric sensors that connect to a laptop containing specially designed software to track winners. It's insanely high-tech and totally geeky. Naturally I was ALLLL over it...)

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Now, a little background first. I am not what you would call a handy person. In fact, I often refer to myself as "mechanically declined". Guys like og, who can take stuff apart down to the molecular level and then put it all back together correctly, amaze me. I can take stuff apart with the best of 'em - problem is, it usually involves a four pound sledge or a 12 gauge. Which tends to make reassembly problematic...

I also don't have a terribly large assortment of dedicated tools. I've got a smattering of power tools, and assorted hand tools, but everything's kinda chucked in the basement on a series of plastic shelving. Once or twice a year, I'll have to wade through the assorted garf inevitably piled on top of my "tool bench" to find something I need for a project, but for the most part, I leave the the tools alone, they leave me alone.

Except now. Now I need to help my son create a car out of a block of wood. I might as well be expected to sprout wings and fly to Pluto. But, dammit, I am gonna do what I can. I attend the "information night" for the new Scout parents. I talk to the guy that owns the hobby shop that supplies the kits (who, BTW, has been in business for 147 years and is the same guy that I used to buy model rocket kits from when I was a pre-teen). I talk to several buddies of mine that have helped their sons build cars. I go to Home Depot and drop a small fortune on saws, sandpaper, paint, chisels, and such.

And, somehow, I managed to help my son create the car shown above. It looks like a Pinewood Derby car. It rolls nice and straight (eventually). Oh, sure, I wound up attaching washers to the bottom with packing tape to make the full 5 ounces, but the car is solid. It's legal. And it's ready to go.

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I really wanted two things out of the car. I wanted it to actually finish the race - nothing like that poor kid who watches all the other cars roar down the track while only the front two wheels from his car finish - and, if possible, for my son to win one race (we run each car four times - once on each lane of the track so no one can complain about certain track conditions). Assuming the car could actually make it the whole length of the track, I was really hoping that my son could experience thrill of watching his car come in first.

With 18 Tiger scouts, we had 18 races. My son's car didn't come up to race until the fourth heat. Now, since I'm the Assistant Cubmaster, I'm up on the stage loading cars on, reading the displays on the computer, etc. I know before anyone watching when the car's coming up. I also took about 50 pictures of the car on the track, and video of the race. Waiting for that gate to drop, I was nervous. Damn nervous. This was it - in mere seconds, I was going to find out if my "craftsmanship" would hold up, fail, or explode spectacularly.

The gate dropped. I'm watching through a 2" screen as the cars go down the track. Our car finished. Personal goal number 1 attained. Yay me! I look over at the laptop.


He won the race. By a handy margin, too.



I look out into the crowd, and find my son. The look of happiness on his face was absolutely priceless. He looks right at me and screams, "I won, Dad, I won!!!" Personal goal #2 achieved. Now I can relax - his car made it all the way down, and won. You can't ask for more than that.

Well...

Son's second race rolls around, and he wins that one as well. Holy crap. How the hell did that happen? This one was pretty close, but he was the winner. 2 for 2. He's now so happy he's levitating off the ground. Or maybe buzzing from a sugar high, I really couldn't tell.

Third race, he came in something like half a second ahead of the second place car. He OWNED the third race. One of the other parents, a good guy whose son took swimming lessons with my son, calls out, "Aha! The fix is in!". I start joking about facing an inquiry.

Last race, he's up against one of the other boys in his den who has also won his past three races. This one's a nailbiter, but when the cars cross the line, the Dragon Poptart is first. He won all four races. Our car won every race it was in. That still floors me.

It wasn't quite over yet - because the winners are determined based on an average of times, and not all cars race each other, it was possible that my son wasn't the overall winner. However, I had been checking his times, and no one even came close:




Yep. My son won the Pinewood Derby in the Tiger Cub division. The car that I, Mr. Mechanically Inept, helped build, turned out to be the fastest thing on four three wheels (one of the tips that I incorporated was to have one wheel very slightly elevated to reduce friction).

I still can't believe it. My son and I spent the entire rest of the weekend going back and forth:


[Me] "How did you do in the Pinewood Derby?"

[The boy, beaming] "First place!!!"

And now we're going to the regional finals next month. I thought we'd be done...

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Life. Is. Good.

That is all.