What the holy hell is in the air, people? Has Spring Fever robbed my fellow motorists of what precious few brain cells they had left? Perhaps the ragweed pollen also contains lead paint chips or something. In any case, watch your six out there - stupidity levels are at an all-time high...
- Like the well-meaning but stupid person who stopped at the intersection where the road forks (in their defense, there is a stop sign there) and waited 5 seconds before proceeding - did I mention that the other road, the road that would normally have the right of way, is under construction and the entrance to that road is blocked off by jersey barriers? Had Mr. Do-Gooder run the stop sign, anyone attempting to follow the road would be plowing into several tons of concrete right after clipping their minivan.
- And Mr. Self-important Jackass Yuppie in your Lexus, here's a fucking tip: You pulled out from the side of the road into my travel lane without looking, without signaling, and without sufficient room - when I have to literally STOMP on my brakes to avoid hitting your inconsiderate ass, you cut me off. Yeah, I flashed my lights at you - you're a fucking asshole. Stopping your car in the middle of the street is a good fucking way to get that cell phone yanked away from your ear and shoved so far up your sphincter that your wife will be able to answer the phone when she blows you. Capiche?
- Once again, I have to remind people that the people in the fucking rotary have the right of way. There's no need to stop while in the middle of the rotary. Honest. If they refuse to yield, they will hit you, and they will be at fault. The corollary, naturally, is that it is not necessary to wait for the car that's several miles away from the rotary to actually get there before proceeding. Next question.
- Lastly, a reminder to the pedestrians out there: Crosswalks exist for a reason. Use them. I will be more than happy to stop for you to cross the street if you are in the crosswalk. If you just thrust your lazy fat ass out into traffic, less than 20 feet away from a perfectly good crosswalk (but not actually in it), I will not stop. I might even inch over to see if I can graze you with my towing mirrors. Giving me a dirty look because I didn't stop for someone breaking the law isn't going to endear you to me, and a 200 pound (well, more like 350...) person arguing with a 6,000 pound truck just has "bad idea" (or "traction") written all over it*.
That is all.
(*Note: Of course I don't condone or approve of randomly hitting pedestrians. Just the ones that deserve it.)
8 comments:
I'm telling you my friend. You need to publish these in a Road Rage book. It would sell millions of copies.
It is always gut-bustin' funny to read in words what I have felt many, many times.
Mrs. Self-important Jackass Yuppie in her husband's Lexus doesn't do that anymore, Jay. She's married now. ;)
But thanks for the hilarious mental image: "Can you hear me now?"
And might I add....
Get of the $*%^$%&*% cell phone and pay attention!!
Temper temper!
Serenity, Now. Serenity, Now. Serenity, Now. Serenity, Now. Serenity, Now. Serenity, Now.
Think of your blood pressure.
Oh wait, you stopped taking blood pressure medicine.
You know, some Socialism could calm you right down. That plus public transit for the proletariat. Meaning all us working stiffs.
I like your cross walk policy. I do the same thing, and I also extend it to people looking to join traffic... if they have a blinker on, I'll usually wave them in, but without a blinker, I stay on the skinny pedal.
Pedestrians. I hate pedestrians. Thankfully most of the people in this city I live in use the crosswalk or only cross in the middle of the block when there is zero traffic. There should be an open season in Pennsylvania (Sorry, Mass would *never* go for it) on jaywalkers who step out in to traffic. It should be completely permissible to shoot them and then just leave the corpse there for other motorists to run over as a reminder to other would-be jaywalkers.
Don't ever come down to Northern VA, it's even worse down here- You'd blow a gasket...
I'm down under doing some work right now and have to go through two rotarys a day- Not bad, except I'm driving on the wrong side of the road- talk about brain lock for an instant or two... sigh...
Shortly followed by OMG, I looked the wrong #$%^& way AGAIN... but so far I'm surviving.
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