*deep breath*
I have a startling confession to make. One for which I hope everyone can find it in themselves to forgive me. It's something I've carried with me for years; too ashamed to tell anyone all this time. But I feel that I must come clean - if my story helps just one person, it's worth telling. Okay. Time to come clean.
I was "that guy".
You know the guy I mean. The guy at the range. The guy at the range with the timid girlfriend who didn't like guns. The girlfriend who really didn't want to be there and really needed a gentle, guiding hand to make her first time at the range enjoyable. The guy full of fail.
The guy who handed said timid girlfriend a .357 Magnum and then left her to her own devices.
Yeah. That was me. Now, I could offer up excuses all day long. I was young and stupid. I didn't know any better. I didn't have a .22LR revolver or semi at the time for her to shoot. But in this case especially, excuses are like assholes - they all stink. I fucked up, plain and simple. I blew an opportunity to convert an anti-gun person by showing them just how much fun you can have at the range, and instead scared someone off shooting for life.
And I've been paying for that error ever since...
So, guys, heed my advice. If your significant other expresses any interest whatsoever in going shooting with you, take it very seriously. Bring along as many different guns as you can - and start small (caliber)! Bring a couple of .22s if you can - borrow if you have to, trust me. There's nothing worse than the look of horror in your SO's eyes at shooting something she's not comfortable with for her first time out.
Bring .22s. Shoot at reactive targets - tin cans, orange clays, soda bottles filled with colored water. Make it fun. Don't use the 50' NRA target and nit-pick why she's not hitting the dead center. Don't critique her stance, or grip, or technique (obviously say something if she's doing something unsafe or that could hurt her). The first time, just concentrate on safety and getting her used to the "bang".
Above all, pay attention to her. If she looks uncomfortable, take a break. Get her away from the noise and the dust and the commotion and have a calming chat. Answer questions. Reassure her that she's doing fine. And be prepared to leave if she's really not feeling well, if she's not having a good time. Sure, you might be disappointed because you wanted to get some shooting in, but trust me. You can always go back later by yourself. If she's not happy/comfortable and wants to leave, making her hang around for another hour while you have your fun ain't gonna win any style points...
I'm hoping I can correct my mistake. I'm hoping that this year I can bring Mrs. G. back to the range and (re-)introduce her to firearms in a much better fashion. I have plenty of .22s to choose from now (at the time when we first went I owned the Security Six .357 Magnum and the Makarov .380ACP. I opted for the Sec Six with .38 Specials figuring that it would have less recoil). I definitely want to bring The Boy this year; I'm going to try for a family two-fer...
And considering that she took exactly 5 shots the first time (some 15+ years ago), I think it might even count as a new shooter...
That is all.
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10 comments:
Amen, Jay.
I know a few people who I'd love to print this out for.
The first time I shot at an indoor range scared the crap out of me, between the noise and the close quarters.
Thanks for sharing this, and best of luck with Mrs. G!
Good Advice Jay, Now I need some advice on getting the Holophobe wife to the range.
She went once, with my father and I, but never shot.
Jay,
Here's my $0.02. Does your club has "ladies only" shooting events? Maybe you could arrange for the lady shooters to take Mrs. G under their wing. You'd of course do a little prep work, but you'd also have the advantage of a neutral third party being involved.
Chris B -- this could apply to you as well.
And yes . . . start with .22 rifle and them maybe a pistol or revolver.
In my own case, I'm trying to work things so my DarlingCharmingWife goes out her first time with a lady shooter who is also a former hoplophobe.
- Brad
I can't recommend the Women on Target program highly enough. GOAL runs a number of them in MA. The NRA can direct you to them in other states.
Speaking for the ones in MA, Jon Green (director of Education and Training for GOAL) is one of the best instructors I've seen. He runs a home firearms safety class in the morning. Then the women split into groups and go to the ranges (depending what the host club has available). At my club, the groups were pistol, rifle, and shotgun. Pistol and rifle started with 22s and worked up if the individual wanted to. Shotgun was trap with light target loads.
Following the shooting, there's an optional legal lecture for those interested in getting MA licenses.
The program is excellent for several reasons. One, it's short money (generally $25-40, including lunch). Two, being surrounded by other female beginners takes all of the pressure off. Three, there are no outside issues affecting receptiveness to instruction that there might be learning from a friend or family member.
At the one I helped at, there was a woman who was terrified of guns due to an experience in her past. By the end of the day, she was all smiles and planning to apply for her LTC.
I was that guy too....kinda. My first gun was my 1911. The Mrs. (Fiance at the time) came to the range because I didn't want an adult who might reach for the gun in a time of need to not to know the manual of arms.
It was my only gun, and I was going out to sea for long times. It was a bad situation, but I don't regret it.
She still talks about how much she hated that day.
+1 to Brad, it was the Second Amendment Sisters, Women on Target shoot that got the Mrs. to finally come out of her shell and start owning guns of her own.
Those shoots are just awesome!
Confession is good for the soul, they say. Go and sin no more.
Ditto for me... My girlfried of 1 year is not enthusiastic about my hobby to say the least, but I try to be patient with her, answer her questions and hope for the best. She now realizes this is an issue I will NOT compromise on.
The 1 & only time she shot a gun was last July. We were in Vegas, went to the rental place and like THAT GUY, I picked the Glock 23. In hindsight, obviously not the best choice for her first experience.
I really need to find a .22 asap to go along with my M&P 40...
Damon,
I've got several .22 revolvers and a S&W semi-auto you're more than welcome to try out. Let me know...
And it looks like I'm not the only "that guy" out there...
I've seen this time after time.
Pity I'm not in your neck of the woods.
James
I just wanted to let you know that your post helped out a new shooter. I have been shooting for about 4 months. I’ve been around shooters for about 15 years. I just got my first gun last December because of the election. Anyway, I was at our local gun range with my boyfriend when this couple walks in. The girl looks like she’s about to jump out of her skin. I went over and talked to them and found out it was her first time shooting and all that her boyfriend brought was a couple of 9mm automatics. I herded her over to where I was shooting and shared my little Ruger 22 with her. After a few rounds with that I loaded my Glock 17 with two rounds. I fired one so she would see what kind of bang it would make and then let her fire it herself. By the time my boyfriend and I were ready to leave she was back over with her man shooting his guns and looking much more comfortable. Thank you so much for all of your advice. It really made a difference.
Dorothy Bogdan
Jacksonville Fl
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