This one came to me in a thunderclap of inspiration. What are the ten biggest, longest, heaviest cars ever offered by Detroit? Let's face it: No one does excess like the USofA. Our cars had the biggest motors, the tallest tailfins, the worst gas mileage... If there was a superlative (except for quality...), our cars had it, topped it, and topped it again...
So here are the Top Ten Land Yachts. Each of these beauties gets single digit gas mileage, seats 7 (for dinner), and could land a moderate-sized helicopter on its hood. Enjoy!
1. 1975 Cadillac 75. Sure, it's a limo, which may or may not preclude it from other lists, but not mine. It's over 22 feet long. Won't fit in a standard garage. And has that vintage 1970s porn/cheesy movie vibe. What more could you want?
2. 1974 Lincoln Town Car. I came extremely close to buying one of these many years ago after a spate of accidents where people insisted on hitting me. I figured that this was about as big a car as you could drive without actually needing a CDL...
3. 1961 Chrysler Imperial. Just... Wow. What more can you even say about this car? Mile-high tailfins. Acres of chrome. Seating for 20. It looks like an Art Deco motel on wheels.
4. 1959 DeSoto. See Imperial above. Put these two cars next to each other and you'd have an all-out tailfin-and-chrome war. Plus enough sheetmetal to build several aircraft carriers.
5. 1969 Ford Galaxie 500. A friend of mine in high school had one of these. Convertible, even. I think we managed to cram 9 people in it without putting the top down. It was funny seeing this land yacht parked among the little Datsuns and Civics that typically lived in high school parking lots of the time.
6. 1990 Buick Roadmaster. My grandmother had one of these for a short while. This body style was GM's last gasp at the full-size car; continued today only in the Cadillac DTS premium luxury car. We used to call it "Grammy's Roadmonster" and heaven help you if you parked anywhere near it - as you were very likely to get backed into...
7. Chrysler Newport. I think this is the actual model in "Love Shack" that "seats about 20". Just look at the size of that thing. You could live in that thing comfortably for a month. I think if you look closely you can see what would later become the Space Station Mir sitting in the back deck...
8. 1974 Cadillac El Dorado. This was another car that I came close to buying back in the day. The older brother of a guy I worked with was selling one for short money; it needed work, of course, but he swore up and down it was a solid driver. I couldn't scrape the dinero together and passed, only to laugh later when it blew up literally leaving the parking lot from the transaction...
9. 1973 Ford LTD Country Squire Wagon. Another friend in high school had one of these monstrosities, and it was capable of hitting 110 MPH on I95 with seven people seated comfortably inside. That was one crazy ride, complete with one of the fake wood paneling segments actually getting torn off by the wind...
10. 1970s Oldsmobile Vista Cruiser Wagon. I'm not certain, but I think you could actually land a helicopter on the roof of this behemoth. There's more glass in that ass end than in most commercial greenhouses, and it certainly uses more fuel. And yes, for the record, the wagon in the picture has, in fact, gotten the full "Hurst Olds" treatment...
So there's my paean to American automotive excess. These monsters once roamed the highways of America, frightening small imports and frequently requiring in-flight refueling for their monstrous engines. I know some of my readers have owned large cars; guys, here's the time to strut your stuff...
That is all.
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24 comments:
There was a Caddy Fleetwood 75 sedan as well as a limo. Both were the same size, no it definitely belongs on the list. I'm lookin for a '69 model myself.
1976 Oldsmobile Delta 88
I am 6' tall and I can lay down in the back seat and neither my head nor feet touch the doors.
You can play half court basketball on the hood.
Yeah, we had a '72 Country Squire with the 351 Cleveland in it.
Woke up one morning with my mom asking me why there were blackberry canes hanging out of every door handle and back bumper.
Must've gone down the powerlines in that big son-of-a-Battleship.
...Following jeeps.
Great car, lots o'steel.
Hunter
Ketchikan, AK
Definatelyu repeating NJT: The late 70's Olds Delta 88?
On the way up to DC from North Cackalacky in '81, a squadron of four them passed me in my shaky Ghia. They were bombing along in great undulations at about 90mph on the highway, tucked-in and freight-training with some truckers who were hauling ass. Impressive sight.
I was going to include the Delta 88 except I try to maintain some balance between the "Big Three" and GM had 4/10 slots already...
Besides, that was the same body as the 1975 Caddy anyways... ;)
The 'wagon of my misspent youth-
The '74 Torino Stationwagon... Affectionately known as "Starship Intercourse".
A petrol-guzzling beast that could pass anything but a gas station.
Personal record-
We passed 17 cars in one fell swoop on the OLD (2 lane) 7-mile bridge while on our way to Key West one night back in 1978... We had topped out at 102- and the ol' Starship was shaking like a dog trying to pass a peach pit.
Good times....Good times.
TBG
Jay, 'Bolt . . .
1974 Olds Delta 88 w/ a rocket 350.
Damned thing was so big, my kid sister named it the SS [surname redacted].
My best friend has one o' these:
http://memimage.cardomain.com/ride_images/3/2809/1121/32020560002_large.jpg
(In fact, there's a fairly good chance that's his, as he just bought it.)
Powder blue, inside and out (including custom-colored letter). Cruise control. (Working) 8-track player. Low fuel light. I didn't know they had low fuel lights back then.
Mark says it gets about 9mpg.
Not me, but I lust after a 300SE 6.3.
Not American, but that's life.
I had a 74 Grand Ville with a 455 big block and a 4bbl Rochester on it, complete with A/C. Gas mileage? Don't ask. I liked to hear the 4 bbl open up & suck wind!
It also had the cable adjustable brake & accelerator pedals. Strange, but good for short people.
It would sleep four comfortably (Until it started raining)!
I had it buried at 120 one night, and it wasn't done accelerating. Ahh... Misspent youth!
Jay, with the 460 V8, it would do 120 MPH. A friend almost got us killed doing that.
The cop was so shaken up by our close encounter of the vehicular kind that he didn't even ticket my buddy. Didn't even really ball him out, either. Just told him that we were too young to die in a car like that.
Brigid Jr, wanted a car for college. She's thinking cool. Family is thinking Land Yacht.
Yup. a 1975 Ford Gran Turino. At least she didn't waste any tuition on money on gas trying to drive around and look cool.
Problem with the Gran Torino, Brigid, is that some of them came with the Ford big block 402.
I know.
A buddy of mine *had* one.
We raced a Porsche 911 down I95 in it one day. Kept up with him for quite some time, too...
That's why I'm going to get The Boy a Toyota pickup.
4WD, so it's good in the winter.
6" lift kit and 33" tires, so it looks cool.
And 4 cylinder engine and automatic transmission, so he won't be racing it at all. Well, maybe the UPS truck and the occasional lawnmower...
And with the regular cab he can have exactly *one* passenger - because everyone knows when you get teenaged boys together, they *share* the IQ...
Jay,
Teen age boys don't share IQ, it's like putting a couple of resistors in parallel, add the IQs then take the square root.....
Stupid ain't in it...
PeterT
1969 Plymouth Fury III.
As big as a barge and could haul 8 guys & 2 beer kegs. Whenever I went off to college, forget the U-Haul, I could carry my entire dorm room and still have room for passengers.
I've owned 2.
Count me as another one with a Delta 88. I had a '79 with the crappy Pontiac 301 in it. To this day it's still the only non-mopar vehicle (besides bikes) that's ever been legally in my name. It was right after my near-death motorcycle accident back in my 20s. I was too damaged to climb up into my truck (9" lift and 40" tires) and the bike was totaled. The Delta 88 was given to me for free by a friend with one condition; I had to keep and drive it and not sell it and use the money to buy a mopar. The car had been his grandfather's and was pristine condition and very low miles, he could have sold it for a nice sum but he said it was worth more to him to see my driving around in a GM product, heh.
My second land yacht was a '59 Chrysler Saratoga. Pretty much like number 4 on your list only even bigger. 'Nuff said there.
'66 Dodge Monaco station wagon. 383 V8, and I swear it was large enough to launch and recover F15s off of the roof. First car...
My dad's car back then, though, was a '70 Chrysler Imperial LeBaron 4-door. Leather split bench front seats. Built in 8-track. Power everything, including headlight covers. 440 with a 4 barrel. It'd do somewhere over 120, but I'm not sure how far - the suspension was pretty weak, and I684 had a lot of curves...
Those seats were large enough that you didn't have to go into the back seat when you had a date. Don't ask me how I know...
I was furious with Dad when he traded it in without even telling me first; he got all of $100 for it (it had over 120K on the clock) and I'd have gladly paid him much more.
Heh. Dug up a pic of the old Delta 88. You can even see a bit of my truck in the same pic. Sorry for the crappy quality, took a digital pic of a photo. Really need to hook up my scanner some day.
http://i44.tinypic.com/2a0ksd3.jpg
Oh, and my wife wandered over to see what I was taking a picture of. She took one look at the car and said "Holy crap that car is HUGE!"
You need to go further back in time. 53-54 Kaiser Manhattan.
My Dad owned the '75 Fleetwood and when I turned 16 I bought, for $300, a '73 Plymouth station wagon. Nuthin' says style like a white leather interior in Texas heat sans A/C. The beast beat the Caddy by six inches and had a 515 cu. in engine. Comfortably seats 12.
I will humbly submit the 1968 Ford LTD 4 door.
8 people - Hah! give me 10 !
Held 25 gallons of OPEC's best.
But...but...the Buick Wildcat (1970? 1972? 1973?) was a BEAST -- long, wide. The doors alone were like bank vault doors, and about 36-plus inches long. My late aunt had one... Thanks for the great blog!
You should do Toaster Ovens next week.
(ie: Scion, Honda Pilot, etc)
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