I've long held, in my outlook on religion, that man fails when he attempts to convey the message of the higher power. Man, being the flawed creature he is, tends to color his view of G-d's work through his own filter, and often to his own ends. I tend to view organized religion with a healthy hint of distrust, as man's history is littered with examples of how religion is used more as a method of controlling man than honoring the higher power.
And yet I find myself doing the same damn thing.
I caught myself doing it the other day, when The Boy told yet another whopper. I reminded him that lying was a sin - he's preparing for his First Communion this year, and they've been giving the "Highlights" version of the Ten Commandments in CCD (Catholic Sunday School). It dawned on me that I was using the very same tactics I had decried in the Church, albeit on a smaller scale. I was using my son's newly formed religious knowledge as a way to control him.
I started to rationalize it - it was for a greater good, right? He needs to learn that honesty is the best policy, that while lying might get him out of trouble in the short run, in the long run it only breeds distrust. And then I started to wonder: Is this how it starts? By telling him that he shouldn't lie because it's a sin, I'm abdicating my responsibility as a parent to help him distinguish between right and wrong. I'm taking the path of least resistance, appealing to his nascent religious obligations to force him to make the right choices.
And then I thought, hell, if it stops him from lying, how bad can it be? As long as I don't mind being a hypocrite, of course. How can I in good conscience disdain organized religion as a tool of oppression when I'm so willing to use it thusly myself? Even though I'm arguably using it for a noble end, the fact remains that I'm using my son's religious upbringing as a tool to control him. And yet, it works. Which only heightens my displeasure at having to resort to such drastic measures...
*sigh*
No one ever said this would be easy, eh? I believe it was the Acidman himself who opined "If it were easy, any asshole could do it"...
That is all.
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13 comments:
I am not one to tell another how to raise their children, BUT, is lying such a bad thing? I mean after all, politicians, especially our esteemed president lie. So how bad can it be?
Lying+Charisma=Most powerful man in the world!
Well, if you're religious in any meaningful sense of the word, then part of your duty as a parent would be to help in the proper formation of your children's conscience, an integral part of which is teaching them about sinful behavior and why it is to be advoided. If he isn't old enough to properly understand the deeper significance, sticking with "it's a sin and therefor bad and you shouldn't do it" might be the best measure to take until he's old enough for a proper lesson on the matter.
I can only presume Sigboy's comment is said tongue-in-cheek.
My parents taught me that truth was worth more than anything else. They may have been angry about something I did, but if I was honest about it they'd usually be a lot more reasonable about punishment. It's helped me in the long run. Occasionally I forget that other people aren't as good as their word, and that's screwed me up here and there, but I'm still an idealist about it.
As far as using religious reasons for educating ... Tricky stuff there. If the children are receiving a religious education (and I think all children should have some exposure to religion of some form), then saying, "Lying is a sin," isn't a problem. I'd be sure to follow up with something along the lines of, "And I expect you to tell me the truth all the time also." Age-dependent, a conversation about honor and trust may also be appropriate.
Sigboy,
I dunno. I'd rather my children went into a more respectable vocation than politics.
Like repo man, or perhaps pimp...
TCK,
Oh, of course. I seriously oversimplified the exchange to make a point. I did use the exchange to point out why it was a sin (because it hurt his sister, which was the genesis of the lie); why we shouldn't tell lies (because lies made the baby Jesus cry - no, that was from The Simpsons...); and why telling the truth was so important.
It just struck me as interesting. Here I am, the quintessential "organized religion isn't" dude, falling into the "because the Bible says so" trap...
Zercool,
We do something similar - if we catch either of the kids in a lie, the punishment is automatically doubled. In minor cases, if they tell the truth right up front they can avoid punishment entirely.
Right now we're trying to keep it simple - "Lying is bad because we need to be able to trust you" and such. When he's a little older, we'll add in the importance of keeping one's word. It's a quaint, some would say antiquated notion, but hey, that's how I roll...
...the importance of keeping one's word. It's a quaint, some would say antiquated notion[.]
I've a strong feeling that we are approaching a point in our society where a man's word will again be his bond.
Antique? Perhaps. But then again, look at how many antiques are still perfectly functional when someone takes the time to dust them off and oil 'em up a little. Victrolas, Model Ts, WWII Jeeps, all those lovely 1903A3s, 1911s, Single-Action Army's, etc etc...
I'll take a reliable and durable antique over a shiny modern many times. :-)
IMNSHO a significant part of morality is learned. Part of being a parent is teaching ones children the basis for morality and what moral behavior is (e.g., what's right and wrong and why). If you believe God's commands form the basis for morality then telling your son that lying is wrong because it's sin e.g., against God's laws, is perfectly acceptable and not being manipulative. If not, then use what is.
How about having something be wrong simply because it is wrong, and not because god says so... or because Ayn Rand says it minimizes utility or some other such crap.
I realize that concept shocks some folks...
Unfortunately, that treads awfully close to "because I said so"...
Sometimes, you've got to give 'em a reason.
Now, granted, by this point he should know that lying is verboten, but, well...
(hey, he's half Irish, half Italian. Thick-headed would be an understatement...) ;)
Yep, kinda makes you reconsider a lot of things... Just remember all we can do is the best we can do.
Jay, I dunno if you're a fan of Terry Pratchett, but a while ago he developed a concept that I think is useful in situations like this. He calls it a "lie-to-children," meaning an oversimplified version of The Truth that we tell to kids, simpletons, liberals, and others who haven't got the mental acuity to fully understand a complete & truthful explanation. "Lying is a sin, therefore it's wrong" is a lie-to-children. Maybe in a year or three, perhaps after The Boy has been lied to a couple of times by people he trusted, then it will be time for the full-on explanation, about how lying is wrong because it hurts other people.
You could also try him out on the fable of the boy who cried "wolf!" And/or any real-life versions thereof that you can find.
I understand your confusion. I went to Catholic school for 8 years and I found myself a total disbeliever when I caught my teacher doing the exact opposite of what they were preaching. For the longest time, I was confused as hell and I denounced God and rejected the notion that he existed. Then the epiphany came to me one day out of the blue that I could believe in Him and reject the teachings of the mortals that distort His word. I made peace with God and I don't care that I never had communion; never gone to church (after I left Catholic school); never was baptised; never went through any of the rituals that deemed me "fit" in the eyes of God, or so the religious right told me.
I don't believe for one minute that God meant his word to be used to control people. After all, He gave us free will. I don't believe in organized religion, but I do believe in Him. My faith in Him leads me to lead a moral life.
Teach your children morality through God's word (as part of the whole parental guidance thing) and you should be fine.
"How about having something be wrong simply because it is wrong,"
The concept of natural law goes way back to Socrates (and possibly even further), it was simply expanded on by people such as St. Augustine and St. Aquinas. So basically, "because God said it is", and "because it is" are essentially the same thing, at least from a Catholic standpoint (as God is the originator of all being).
Well written post J.G., thanks.
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