Heh. I don't know how or why this idea popped into my head, but today's Top Ten list is the Top Ten slooooowest cars out there. In fact, many of them are still out there because they're still trying to make it to their original destination... These underpowered vehicles won't get you a ticket, because none of them can drive 55 either... In fact, most of the vehicles listed below will routinely lose races against mopeds, lawn mowers, and the occasional stationary object...
1. 1980s GM full-size pick-up with 4.3L V6. I have no idea what possessed GM to power their full-sized line of trucks with such an anemic POS. My grandfather owned an '86 Silverado with the 4.3L, and it was easily the slowest vehicle I've ever driven. It took three minutes just to get out of the driveway...
2. Yugo. Ah, the Yugo. A car that made one yearn for the quality control of Hyundai and the precision engineering of Trabant... The Yugo's one redeeming quality was that it was so fugly that it was rarely stolen - and in the few number of times it was, it was easy to catch the thieves...
3. Dodge Aries K. Mrs. G. had one of these alleged cars when we first started dating. Everything about the K-car was abysmal; the styling was bland to the nth power; and they would routinely need servicing while they were still on the car carrier being delivered to the dealerships.
4. 1985 Chevy S-10 Blazer. I had the GMC equivalent to the Blazer, the S-15 Jimmy. It had a 2.8L V6 engine in it, and from the (lack of) power I'd have to estimate made somewhere between 17 and 20 horsepower. This is the same engine they put into the Chevy Cavalier, remember...
5. Ford Falcon. Dave Barry joked about the Falcon that many were still sitting at stoplights from 1965, still trying to accelerate away. I worked with a guy who had a Falcon back on the local town Highway Department. It was no coincidence that his nickname was "Reverse" - as in, if he were going any slower he'd be in reverse.
6. VW Bug. The ad campaign was: "0-60. Yes". I can attest personally to the lack of power in a VW Beetle, as I - at the age of 15 - helped a buddy replace the engine in his '72 Superbeetle. Two 15 year old boys were able to remove the engine from the car and put in a new one. Don't expect much there...
7. Geo Metro. With a 1.0L inline 3 cylinder powering this little car, one wouldn't expect it to be terrifically fast. How slow is it? It's got one of the slowest 0-60 time ever recorded for something with a body NOT made by Grumman: 16.2 seconds...
8. Cadillac Allanté. The Allanté on its own wasn't too terribly slow - until you consider what they were charging for it; what it was supposed to be; and what the competition was. On its own it wasn't terribly exciting but still a neat little roadster; however when you look at the price it commanded ($50K) and the fact that it was supposed to go up against the Mercedes 500 SEL...
9. Citroën 2CV. Well, it was modeled after the Bug, so it stands to reason that this wouldn't exactly burn up the roads. With engines ranging from 375cc to 602cc, there's no question you won't win any stoplight competitions in a 2CV...
10. Trabant. On its own, the Trabant is pretty pathetic when it comes to la grand vitesse. Average in all the time it spends in the shop and you're much better off with a horse. Even a dead one. Even one that's already been turned into glue...
Heh. So there's my list of slowest cars out there. Much of it is horribly subjective, so I'm certain that there are many options I missed. Fully half of the list I have extensive personal experience with insofar as performance (or lack thereof) is concerned, and I'm certain this colored my perception.
What are your choices for slowest car on the road?
That is all.
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29 comments:
I learned to drive in a 4 door VW diesel Golf. With a 3 speed automatic.
That miserable piece of crap couldn't even get out of its own way. Trying to pass slower moving combines and farm equipment on narrow 2 lane Canadian roads during harvest season took planning and balls.
I owned a Ford Falcon, bought used in 1967. Straight 6 cyl with 2-speed automatic transmission. Shortly after I got it, I put my foot to the floor while westbound on the Mass Pike to see how fast it would go. Approx 80 mph.
pdb,
Buddy of mine (same one with the SuperBeetle, actually) talked his sister into getting a Diesel Rabbit.
I don't think she ever forgave him...
Anon,
You just reminded me of another really slow vehicle - the four cylinder Jeep Wrangler.
My little sister had one years ago, and I remember taking it out on the highway and *struggling* to get to 65MPH...
Way back in the early 80s, Honda made a wagon-body version of the Civic. Not that ghu-ugly 'tallboy' wagon -- that was the next generation -- but a more conventional wagon design. A wagon with a 4-cyl 1.3-liter engine and a 3-speed automatic transmission. Top speed maybe 70mph, and you literally could not accelerate when going uphill.
See also the 3-cylinder Subaru Justy.
My little 64 Karmann Ghia gets to 55 in a hurry. Of course, I've never had it PAST 55, so I guess it's still the slow roller.
Any 80's Ford Fairmont with the 4 cylinder motor. I have always been a lead foot. That said, when I borrowed my aunts Fairmont to take my drivingh test in, I received a deduction for speed control as the car would not do the posted 35 mph up a hill.
1977 Pontiac LeMans with the 2.8 liter V-6. Big car, tiny pathetic engine.
I also had a '72 Beetle at the same time. The Beetle could run circles around my LeMans.
I had to floor the LeMans on the downhills if I wanted any hope of making it to the top of the next hill.
What a great looking car though. I wish I had kept it...and put a V-8 in it. Actually, I wish I still had the Beetle too.
I remember traveling in Alabama with my cousin in his Geo Metro one summer. Every time there was a hill, we had to turn off the air conditioning to make it to the top.
1984 Buick Century, with a pushrod 4 banger and automatic transmission. 92 HP and no torque in a midsize 4 door.
Actually, the Aries K wasn't a bad car, performance wise, if you opted for the Mitsubishi-built 2.6 liter hemi-head four over the stock 2.2. My folks had an '81 Aries wagon back in the day that was so equipped, purchased brand new, and it outperformed pretty much all the contemporary domestic V-6s in both performance and fuel economy.
It was a good, reliable car for us, too...at least until my dad wrecked it.
We ended up replacing the Aries with a six-cylinder '85 Ford Fairmont...which absolutely sucked. It had only half the Aries' power and a third-less fuel economy...and a carburetor that kept working itself loose and falling off the motor. And persistent transmission problems to boot.
Fittingly, the Fairmont was painted lemon yellow. And it would be a fitting candidate for your "Slow Ride" list.
--Wes S.
1980 Chevy Chevette - 4 door, 3 speed auto, 1.8L 4-banger, aka, my first car. Got out of it's own way.... eventually. Still, was better than walking for this high-school student.
Went to college, needed more cargo room, so I upgraded. Chevy S10 4x4, but with the pathetic 2.5L 4-banger. Not much power, no torque, and why they put that engine in a 4x4 is beyond me.
So there you go, my first car and my first truck.
The Gremlin was pretty dang slow - heavy for its size, and with the 2L 4 banger, this should be on your list.
My first car was a '92 Ford Ranger XLT 2X4 with the I-4 engine.
With enough runway you could get that fucker up to speed (I got a speeding ticket for doing 82 on I-95 around Alton Maine) But Jesus that truck was too damn heavy for such a wussy power plant!
My foot was either off the gas or on the floor, and that was that!
Zhiguli. Any model. The UAZ 469 is no speed demon either, though it doesn't break down as much.
My 2004 Honda Civic Hybrid.
105 FREAKIN' horsepower, and 15 of that is from the electric motor. It's the same engine that they put in the much-smaller 2002 Insight, but this time it's got to power a 4-door sedan instead of a 2-door runabout.
On the plus side, I have a Clean Air license plate and that allows me to use the carpool lane, so it's faster than any Porsche or Mercedes out there, at least during rush hour. :)
I was stuck in a long line of slow-moving cars once on Route 2, eastbound, near Orange, MA. I could not see what was causing it. When Route 2 went to four lanes near Phillipston (if I remember correctly) it picked up and I was soon able to pass the cause of the traffic slowdown: It was a Yugo with five adults in it, moving at about a maximum of 40 mph.
The most vital option on a Yugo was a rear-window defroster, for it would help keep your hands warm in the winter as you pushed it.
The GSA gave me a K-car for a POLICE vehicle. My sergeant told me “ … and never go off surface streets. You’ll die on the interstate.” Gee thanks, sarge.
Had a Falcon with a 289 in it for a while. Not on the slow ride list for sure....
My brother had one of the very early - '74? - Honda cars. I don't remember the exact displacement, but it was a two cyolinder engine. Not swift.
Diesel Chevette. 51 thundering hp, 71-lb of asphault-warping torque. Zero to 60? 28.5 agonizing seconds.
Owners were known to gaze enviously at diesel Rabbit owners speeding past them...
http://books.google.com/books?id=HVhlMMQLVhcC&pg=PA92&lpg=PA92&dq=chevette+diesel&source=bl&ots=m7aBFDBkRp&sig=NsdvbiL3dAlRXFp5DPD4n0fztiU&hl=en&ei=jxO0SpPfDcOI8QbK-bCTDw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=6#v=onepage&q=chevette%20diesel&f=false
I had a VW in my youth. It was easily the fastest car on the road... between the time the snow stopped falling and the roads got plowed.
Jay-
My dad owned a 1978 Chevy C-10 Stepside with the I6 engine. I bought him a bumper sticker that that truck wears to this day.
0-60 IN FIVE MILES
Drove a '70 Beetle with clutchless automatic transmission for a while. Got passed by a bread truck, going uphill.
Bonus feature of air-cooled VW goodness; ice forms on inside of windshield in Illinois winter. Keep scraper handy when starting in cold weather.
A couple years ago I rebuilt the 2.8L engine on my S10 Blazer. After, it was a huge disappointment so the Kalifornia carb and the computer controlled distributor hit the bucket. In their place went a weber carb (cheaper than a rebuilt factory) and an early vacuum advance distributor. The difference is startling, hills that required a downshift to 3rd with a slowing to 40 are now easily climbed at 65 in 5th with no loss of speed. The engines are fine, the emissions crap they had forced on them was the problem.
You do know how to double the value of your used Yugo?
...
Fill up the gas tank.
When I first got my license back in 1980, I had a choice of my mom's VW diesel rabbit (at least it was a stick) or my dad's 1973 Mazda pickup.
At least the VW got great mileage.
MycroftH4
(keep getting OpenID error)
Um. Lessee now.
1977 Dodge Aspen with the "immortal" 225 slant six engine and a three on the tree. Dodge killed that engine by putting (IIRC) a carb in there with some new gasketing material in it... that swelled when unleaded gas hit it. Car had a habit of getting to the middle of the intersection coming off a red light and just bogging down right there. What a POS.
1967 Chevy II station wagon with a 194ci straight six. It'd do 0-60 in a couple of minutes... but at least it would get 24MPG on the highway with SIX adults in it and a full cargo bay. Top speed? 65MPH.
My dad had a '91 Ford Econoline with an inline-6 engine, at some 300 cubic inches.
On the highway, the only way to keep up was to keep the pedal mashed to the floor. At stop lights, it seemed that everyone else was driving a sports car.
That thing lumbered. Until it died.
Ford Falcons? Slow? Not when they have V-8s under their hoods.
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