Do It Again, Only Harder...

Ah, Massachusetts. Will you ever learn?

An Act enhancing public safety through the use of technology

By Mr. Petruccelli, petition (accompanied by bill, Senate, No. 835) of Petruccelli for legislation to further enhance public safety in the Commonwealth [Joint Committee on the Judiciary].

"Further enhance public safety". Doesn't that sound great? What's in this bill, you ask? How is the Commonwealth of Massachusetts going to "further enhance public safety" with "the use of technology"? That's an excellent question. Could it be a new traffic camera that adjusts to traffic flow? New computer software to better track the Commonwealth's criminals as they flow through the justice system? New automobile safety legislation?

Oh, if it were only that simple...

All semiautomatic firearms as defined in Chapter 140 Section 121 manufactured or delivered to any licensed dealer within the commonwealth shall be capable of microstamping ammunition.

(c) For purposes of subsection (b), a firearm is capable of microstamping ammunition if –

(i) a microscopic array of characters that identify the make, model, and serial number of the firearm is etched into the breech face and firing pin of the firearm; and

(ii) when ammunition is fired from the firearm, the characters are copied from the breech face and firing pin onto the cartridge case of the ammunition.

And while we're at it, how about we make it mandatory that each round fired also contain breath mints, kittens, and an agent to make you irresistible to the opposite gender? I mean, hell, if we're going to mandate things that do not and cannot exist without heretofore unseen leaps in technology, why not aim for the moon? Let's make it mandatory that every firearm sold in MA also reduce one's carbon footprint, vote for Øbama, and install Solyandra panels on your house, too.

Never mind that ballistic fingerprinting has been shown to be an abject failure when it has been implemented. Never mind that Maryland tried it six years ago and judged it to be a dismal failure: 43,000 guns, five years in effect, $2.6 million dollars to administer, and not a single crime solved or even assisted in solving due to the law. That's pathetic by anyone's yardstick.

But Massachusetts is different! Massachusetts will succeed where Maryland failed! Massachusetts will model its ballistic fingerprinting model after the wild success of the "shotspotter" in place in Boston that has prevented so many crimes so far. Well, when it's not confusing gunshots with fireworks, that is...

Petruccelli. Why does that name ring a bell? Oh, right. He's the genius that wanted all guns sold in Massachusetts to contain GPS transponders last year. I can't wait to see what marvelous piece of sci-fi wizbang technology Representative Petruccelli thinks should be mandatory in firearms next year. Wifi hot spots? Cloud backup? Automatic Facebook updates? Someone tell Petruccelli that real life is not like Star Trek, please - or at least get him to stop imitating Comic Book Guy in his quest to be "Worst. Representative. Ever".

Ah, Massachusetts - you're more likely to demand technology that doesn't exist here.

That is all.