Wednesday, June 27, 2007

EcoTards

While on our vacation to Cape Cod, we traveled to Martha's Vineyard for one day. Drove down to Falmouth, took the bus to Wood's Hole, then caught the ferry over to the Vineyard.

Was going to head out to Chappaquiddick to take some pictures for some extra-snarky Kennedy bashing, but fun with the family involving free frisbees took precedence...

Anyhoo, get back to the truck late afternoon, and as we're driving through Falmouth on Route 28 I hear cans rattling in the bed of the truck. Great. Someone mistook the bed of my truck for a garbage can. Fucking lovely.

Get on the highway, and once we're at speed I see a McDonald's bag fly out. And couple other assorted pieces of trash. Completely disgusted that it was more than just a couple of cans, I find a safe spot and pull over.

That's when I noticed the crumpled up "Al Gore Can Kiss My Carbon Footprint" bumpersticker that had formerly resided on my back window. Apparently some Eco-fucktard had taken offense at my whimsical poke at Al Gore and retaliated by removing the offending sticker, then dumping all the trash from his car into the bed of my truck.

So congratulations, Mr. Hippie Coward Dipshit. While making your "point" (and I mean the one on top of your head), you managed to not only contribute to the overall trash strewn about the landscape but also failed to recycle the three Red Bull cans. I did it for you, don't worry.

And by the way... Jesus H. Tap-Dancing Christ, could you perhaps be a LITTLE less supportive of giant, faceless corporate America? Three Red Bull cans (the BIG ones), six Dunkin' Donuts bags, and two large McDonald's bags, as well as extra large Dunk's cups (both iced- and regular coffee variants). You're a walking billboard for "SuperSize Me".

Lastly, if I ever catch you in the act, you had better pray that your lack of personal hygiene keeps me at bay, because judging from the shit you funnel down your piehole, you ain't outrunnin' me any time soon...

5 comments:

BobG said...

The perpetrator is a typical armchair eco-warrior; both an idiot and a hypocrite.

Ride Fast said...

I just freaking hate the way those kinds of people are sooo damn good at not getting caught in the act.

People dumping their garbage in the truck bed is one thing, but vehicle vandals deserve to be whipped.

Bruce said...

Your complimentary replacement sticker will be on its way shortly.

Jay G said...

Bob,

Don't forget coward.

fodder,

Fortunately, the removal of the bumper sticker was the only "damage" done to the truck. I guess I should consider myself lucky he didn't key the length of the bed...

Bruce,

Thanks man. Let's see how long this one lasts.

HEY!!! Your truck has a cap, right? Want to do some hippie baiting? We'll slap a bunch of stickers on my truck, then leave it parked in Cambridge (Berkeley-on-the-Charles) and observe from your truck.

Then when some patchouli-smelling hippie pulls the eco-warrior bit, we can show him the error of his ways. I'm thinking full-auto paintball guns...

:)

SpeakerTweaker said...

Sir, I just found my way here via Tam.

Thanks to this post, I'll be linking up right quick.

That's fuctup. I'd occasionally find Coke cans in the bed of my Silverado (which was parked out back RIGHT next to the back door) while at work. I'd walk inside, only to find out that no one had a clue how the coke cans got there.

Might have had something to do with my promise of eminent death. Don't know for sure. I'da loved to have seen just one @$$hat toss a can in my bed.

RRRrrrrrrrr...



tweaker