..."It" of course being the sign on the back of my truck that says "PLEASE TAILGATE ME".
What the fuck is it with people climbing up my ass? I'm driving a three ton pickup truck here, folks. If I want to, I can stomp on my brakes, let your stupid-assed Corolla plow into me, and laugh my a$$ off all the way to the bank on your insurance company.
I mean, there's a g-ddamned cement mixer in front of me. I can only go as fast as the very large, very heavy, lumbering road pig with the big rotating ass end. Following me so closely that your headlights disappear under my tailgate isn't going to make the cement mixer magically move faster. Hell, he can't even see your stupid ass, because you're BEHIND ME. And tailgating me isn't going to speed him up, all it's going to do is piss me off.
Which, of course, means that when Mr. Cement Mixer turns off the road, I will take great delight in slowing down just to piss you off further.
Why? Because, as Dennis Leary croons, I'm an asshole. Eee-oo-dee-oooh, dee-oo-dee-ooh... And proud of it...
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4 comments:
I like to park in handicap spaces while handicapped people make handicap faces.
The most annoying thing I find when I pick up a highway tailgater is when I move over to the right because they're sitting right on my tail... they don't pass me!!! This is infuriating. They make every effort to get right into my back seat with me, but when I move over so they can pass - they stay right where they are, some even moving into the lane behind me!
I swear - people in this state are the worst drivers anywhere.
You're forgetting Einstein's theory of Extra Special Relativity:
The closer you are to the guys bumper ahead of you, the faster you actually travel.
It's a Time Dilation Thing!
That and if bad things are going to happen ahead of you, it's always best if you can't see them coming.
There was this time...
never mind.
I'll put it up at home.
Hope to see ya there...
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