In no particular order...
- To the unfortunate victim of Chimpy McHitler's Super-Duper Depression of Death who needs to collect cans to live, trust me on this one dude, you'll do a lot better in life if you move your car further off the road and not leave your fucking driver's side door open while you root through people's trash.
- To the guy in the Camry who was too preoccupied with talking on his cell phone to use common courtesy, that "thin blue line" sticker doesn't turn on your directionals for you.
- Stop sign tutorial #1: If there USED to be a stop sign on the road, but the town has completely redesigned the roadway such that the stop sign is gone and the roads no longer intersect there, you can safely, without fear of ticket or accident, proceed without stopping. Honest. There can be no oncoming traffic for you to dodge because the road is no longer there.
- Stop sign tutorial #2: In a complete 180ยบ turn, just because you formerly had the right-of-way doesn't mean you can ignore the shiny new four-way stop. Legally, you are required to stop, not just pretend to be glued to the bumper of the car in front of you. I got to the intersection first; I was the vehicle on the right; and I was the vehicle with the right-of-way (I was also bigger, FWIW). Consider getting Mr. Digit Hand Puppet and a blast from the tooter of doom a small price to pay for being an asshole.
- Note to Fox: Fuck off and die. Your pathetic "reality" show "The Academy" has one of the most annoying fucking radio advertisements I've ever heard. Using police sirens is a brilliant fucking touch - because the entire time your overly loud commercial was playing, I was trying to figure out if it was your commercial or an emergency vehicle. I can understand that you want to make the connection between your pathetic show and our boys in blue; doing it at the expense of decorum and public safety means you need to eat shit and die. Fuckers.
- Lastly, to the landscaping company with the large enclosed-box trailer: Your trailer lights are not connected at all. That means, among other silly things like breaking the law, you're showing a serious lack of thought about how your company presents itself. The trailer is very nice, professionally lettered and clean. Spend an extra $10 on the wiring harness and get the fucking lights working, and check them every morning. When I have to guess whether you're stopping, slowing, or turning because your lights don't work, it negates all the good done by the professional-looking trailer. And I'm tempted to call your 800 number and ask if your refrigerator is running, just to be an asshole...
That is all.
UPDATE: I think I found the problem. Apparently a bunch of morons emigrated to MA from IN...
5 comments:
Can I play too?
To the dumbass in the northbound F-150. Do you wonder why all four of the northbound lanes are passing you on the right? It's because you are an idiot. Get out of the top lane, asshole. Or better yet, get the hell off of the expressway.
To the little grayhair on Hwy 44 going 30 in a 55 zone. You are not in your motorized chair. I know you have no place to go and all day to get there, but the rest of us would like to use the road if you don't mind too much.
To the dickhead who put his sofa in the back of the pickup and then lost all the cushions on the highway. If you're driving 70mph, that means hurricane-force winds are passing over the bed of your truck. How about you tie that shit down.
Thank you. I feel better now.
I'll only add one. To the complete and utter moron that RAN OUT OF FUCKING GAS in the HOV lane, nice move. I know that the troopers were desperately trying to find something to write a citation for, but I don't know if they ever did.
I think the occupants of the 100 or so vehicles would have gladly voted the death penalty for you.
Fifty-five minutes before they could get you out of there.
Thanks numb nuts.
All those commercials that use police sirens are evil. What's worse is radio ads that use car-crash sounds. Arrgh!
I bet the lights on that trailer work perfectly.
If the guy who connects it to the truck bothers to plug them in.
I about pissed my pants on this one.
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