- Clear off your damn car. That snow doesn't vanish into thin air, it lands on the hoods and windshields of everyone around you. Don't be a clueless prick.
- If you can't be bothered to clear off your car, at least turn on your damn rear defrost. It's a freakin' button. Push it. Become able to see more of what's around you.
- Hills. DO NOT STOP ON THEM. SRSLY. Stopping is the worst thing you can do going uphill, and frankly, there's no good reason for it whatsoever.
- Tailgating me isn't going to make the Timid Tommy three cars ahead of me go any faster. The landscaping/drywall/etc. business than owns the truck you're driving is not going to like getting sued by the guy you slammed into.
- Pulling out into traffic without stopping, slowing, or apparently even looking is a bad idea under ideal driving conditions. Doing it when visibility is poor and traction is worse is a REALLY bad idea, and a good way to get your stupid ass killed. Dodge Ram >>> Honda Accord.
- If you can afford a $100K Porsche, you can damn well afford a $20K 4X4 for the winter. Driving it 5 MPH because it has all the traction of a greased marble on ice really isn't an option.
- Once again, just because you have a plow on the front of your truck does not mean you are immune from traffic laws or the laws of nature. The other cars on the road you just backed out onto without looking have to go somewhere, and if they wind up off the road because of your inattention, they might just call the business listed on the side...
It's snow. We get it every year. If you can't drive in the snow, stay the hell home - it's just that simple. Don't put everyone else on the road at risk because you either can't - or won't - learn proper winter driving techniques. Smarten up, pay attention, and you'll be fine, Driving like an idiot will eventually catch up to you.
And if you're one of those people who won't clean off their cars, I hope a large snowplow backs out over you.
That is all.
21 comments:
I've been meaning to write down some helpful hints for winter driving, too. Generally, they involve the advice "SLOW THE HELL DOWN, MORON!"
You said it all when you said "don't be a clueless prick"
Well, Jay DOES live in MA. The rest of New England doesn't call them Massholes for no reason!
If you car is lowered DONT try to drive over the snowbanks that are at the ends of roads and driveways, you might lose your stupid ass exhaust.
If you see the tractor trailer in front of you losing snow in large sheets of the roof of the trailer. STAY THE FUCK AWAY From him... dont tailgate and then swerve each time he loses snow
IF you are coming to a stop sign or red light.. slooooow down way before it, not as you get there so that you slide out into the crossroad.
Clear ALL your windows not just circle in front of the steering wheel. Also the snow you leave on your roof will come piling forward when your car warms and you go to make a stop, leaving you blind and your wipers unable to work.
and to my stepkids... I clear the driveway and around your cars...I get up early to do this... when you crawl your ass out of bed at 11:00 dont just brush your car off and drive over the mound of snow that then freeze and become MORE of an issue in the driveway.
Thanks Jay.. I feel better now :D
Sounds like you had the same commute I had this morning,and all we got was a good cold rain.
Winter - When being a moron really shows.
mopar, it's not exclusive to Mass, there are the same types up here in the Northeast Kingdom.
Amen
A better suggestion than telling Porsche drivers to buy another car for $20k, is for them to invest a measly $2k for a spare set of wheels with winter tires. I did just that, and I drive past front-wheel-drive cars when they get stuck on hills.
If you car is lowered DONT try to drive over the snowbanks that are at the ends of roads and driveways, you might lose your stupid ass exhaust.
Like you could tell the difference? These guys are dumb enough to lay out $3-400 for a fart can that sounds exactly like they lost their muffler entirely--I doubt they'd even notice.
Cripes I live with these idiots every flippin day it seems lately since all we have is global warming being dumped on us in a white cold substance whaich causes the road to become SLIPPERY!!
One that really pisses me off is those idiots in SUVs that think they can drive really fast...around here most vehicles in ditches and or upside down are SUVs.hmmmm.clue maybe??
Another is yapping on your cell phone!! Hang up! Drive! You cannot drive in the damn summer on dry roads and yap on your phone!! What makes you think you can do any better when it is flippin snowing!!
And FINALLY you idiots that are driving like jerts and a$$hats in vehicles with Company names, Wesites, Phone Numbers on them....
Be it yours or youe employers..think about it when you cut someone off, etc....
Stupid....
I've lived most of life in Texas. Why is it that I know these rules and these people don't?
Thank you Jay! - If you own a RWD sportscar or something similar you can afford to (and should) purchase a beater for the winter.
No one should be driving around in a Porsche, Camaro, Mustang, MR2 or similar in Northern states during winter. If you're going to be stubborn at least throw some winter rubber on it.
A used $6K Toyota Corolla with winter tires should reliably get you through most winters and it'll save your nice car from abuse.
Pissed is right - I had a lowered car in high school. Driving in snow was a bit of a PITA. Thankfully it was dropped about 1.7 inches rather than "slammed"
40 years of watching idiots driving 4wd/AWD trucks/SUV/whatever that think they are invincible and can repeal physics. GET A CLUE! I've driven 2WD pickups for decades and never got stuck or scared save for the idiots around me trying to kill me.
Your thing has poor traction get real SNOW tires they still make them. Add
weight too if needed. and stop driving like you can't die as you just may.
Every year it snows and every years the stupids come out to play.
Eck!
Sounds familiar... had a massive (ha) 2 inches yesterday, and it seemed like more accidents than any other snowfall this season.
I think when you get the big 6"+ snowfalls, a lot more people just stay home, but 2" isn't a big deal, and despite having stayed home for all the other big falls, they venture out. I mean it's only a couple inches! Yeah... on top of an inch of packed ice dumbass.
100% agree! And if your state allows chains and/or studded snow tries, put them on! If you can afford a $45,000 for a Caddy Escalade, then buy the tires! And use the damn turn signals! I'm not automatically Telepathic and can read your mind on which way you want to go just because I'm behind you!
"And if you can't obey them, for the sweet Lord's sake move your ass to Florida." :)
Four-Wheel DRIVE does not equal Four-Wheel-STOP, or even Four-Wheel-TURN.
Once wathced a driver lose both windshield wipers to the glacial snowpack on his roof when they stopped -- From the angle the wiper arms were lying at and not moving, I wouldn't be surprised if the wiper motors mounts weren't ganked up.
My thoughts whenever I see one of those idiots --
DUDE! You drive a Japanese econobox -- the roofline isn't that damned TALL, even for Smurfo-Americans like ME! They make this specialty tool. . . it's called a BROOM (those mystical craftsmen at the Lions Club will happily sell you one or a dozen, if your local stores don't carry such esoteric maintenance equipment), and it will shove a surprising amount of crap off your roof, hood, and trunk with very litle effort and you won't even get your hands wet! According to rumor, it can also clear off your lights and license plate, so youcan see where you are going, other people can see you (if you turn your damned lights on!), and the Po-Po don't have to get their gloves wet when filling out the accident report.
It's something you can do while relying on a defogger fan the size of a CPU cooling fan to magically melt through the foot of crap on your windshield. . . if you're REALLY inventive, you can use it to shove 90% or more of the crap off the windshield, too! If you failed Squeegee and Scraper Certification school, you can actually clean what remains on your windshield with a credit card (even those fake ones they send you to get you to sign up for the "Secure Credit Card, Fix your Credit!" programs) after a good Tactical Broom Application.
The broom can even be yielded one handed by experts (use the overhead spear thrust technique), allowing you to suck hot coffee with the other while all that wet cold stuff slides off the car on the OTHER side of the car from where you're standing. You know you're gonna want coffee, anyway -- why not make that time a twofer?
If you're an Expert Broomsman, you can consider Advanced Ninja Sk1LLz like, clearing the overnight accumulation off your car and pre-warming the engine block BEFORE you take your morning hot shower, so you can be warm, non-sweaty, AND have "instant heat and visibility" when you run out the door.
(I have more sympathy for short people with tall SUVs that have roof racks. But even then, you should be able to get the crap off all the way back to the roofrack, and a bunch of that remaining stuff as well. And hey, you bought the damned truck anyway, right?)
Don't sugar coat it Jay...
Broom, hell -- all you need is your friggin' arms.
I encountered two separate and distinct subspecies of Driverus assholus winteria on my way home from work today (at midday, fortunately, so at least it was still light).
#1: the moron who was tailgating me at 40mph on a road that hadn't been plowed in hours.
#2: the stupid bitch who was yakking on her cellphone and didn't notice she was drifting left toward me in the next lane.
Out here in Montana our roads are icy or snowy 2 out of every 3 days in the 4 months of winter. And people still don't bother to buy decent tires or learn how to drive.
I can't wait till $10 a gallon fuel just to keep them all off the road.
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