Ten Years Ago Today...

...my life changed irrevocably. My son came into this world two weeks early, transforming every facet of my life in ways I would never have thought possible. Ten years ago today, I became a father; I've been working ever since to earn the appellation of "dad" - I think, so far, I'm getting there. While TheBoy and I don't always see eye-to-eye (and, really, at this age, what father and son do, all the time), he still wants dad to come tuck him in at night - and I will continue to do that as long as he lets me.

Happy birthday pal!

Ten years. In some ways, it's been the blink of an eye; it seems like just yesterday I had a teeny little baby in my arms, then a curious toddler, a mischievous pre-schooler, an excited kindergartener. I've watched his life unfold literally before my very eyes, watched him turn into the person he will become his entire life. Not a day goes by that I don't think about how my actions influence him; how the example I set will guide him along his life's path.

That is a very humbling - and frightening - realization.

He's my son, first and foremost; my duties as a father are to keep him safe and to give him the skills he needs to survive in this world. I need to help him grow, and part of growing is making mistakes - perhaps the single most difficult thing one can do as a parent is to stand back and let their child fail - we learn best by analyzing something that didn't work, and having the skills to recognize what can be done differently to change the outcome. It is my sworn duty to protect him from harm, help him on his way in this world, and love him unconditionally.

I'm trying my best at all three.

The protecting from harm part isn't as easy as it sounds. There's a fine balance between cocooning your child so that they never know pain, or experience failure, or feel the heartbreak of disappointment and letting them rush headlong into life and take whatever's coming to them regardless of how it might hurt them. They have got to fail - they need to learn to lose with grace, recognize something they've done wrong, realize how their actions affect others and how to apologize when they've done wrong. It's the yang to the thrill of victory, the rush of finally getting something that had been a stumbling block.

You don't really know what a high is until you've experienced the low as well.

As for helping him on his way, well, that's an ongoing project. We try to dole out independence in small but steady doses, increasing a bedtime here, allowing him to venture out on his own here and there. While he may not recognize that we're helping him prepare for life when we make him fold his laundry or help cook dinner, he's still learning skills he'll take with him down the road. Sending him to the best private schools and the finest institutions of higher learning might help him land a job down the road; giving him the gift of self-reliance will help him keep that job and flourish in life.

I would consider it a personal failing if my son were one of those people stranded on the side of the road waiting for help because they got a flat tire.

And loving him unconditionally? Not an issue. Whether he's winning the Pinewood Derby or scoring the winning basket for his team - or coming home dejected because he didn't get the part he wanted in the school play - it's part of being a parent. Good, bad, indifferent, he's my son and I love him with all my heart, no matter what. Sure, there are times when he tries my patience - I'd be concerned if he didn't - but at the end of the day, as I'm turning out the light in his room, when he says, "Goodnight Dad. I love you", well... It's all worth it. Every second.

I love you too buddy. Happy birthday.

That is all.