Shocked, SHOCKED I Tell You...

Arnold Schwarzenegger Fathered a Child With Household Staffer

It turns out that another woman -- and, indeed, a child out of wedlock -- are behind Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver's separation after 25 years of marriage.

Schwarzenegger, 63, and Shriver, 55, secretly split earlier this year after his shocking admission: That the former California governor had fathered a child over ten years ago with a longtime member of the couple's household staff; Shriver moved out of the family's Brentwood, L.A. home, and the couple announced their separation last week.

You mean to tell me that the guy who bulked up on 'roids to win bodybuilding contests, smoked marijuana after competitions, and groped actresses on the sets of Hollywood movies behaves badly? Really? I guess what's so shocking about this is that there aren't more of these revelations out there. From Arnold's reputation, there's probably a small army of mini-Arnies toddling around out there...

Congratulations Arnold! You now join such luminaries as Je$$e Jack$on and John Edwards in the "love child" competition.

That is all.

*Snork*

While I was looking for the link to the steel plate target from Cabelas I posted earlier, I came across this and had a good chuckle:

Oh, I know quite a few people who would argue the two circled terms are one and the same...

That is all.

That's Gotta Sting!

Obama orders resumption of military commissions at Guantanamo

Washington (CNN) -- President Barack Obama announced Monday that the United States will resume using military commissions to prosecute alleged terrorists held at the Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, detention facility.

In the announcement, the president said his administration remains committed to closing the controversial detention facility but will rescind its previous suspension on bringing new charges before military commissions. The commissions are military proceedings rather than trials in civilian courts.

Yup. Øbama's not closing Gitmo; in fact, he's crankin' her back up again. You remember Gitmo, don't you? That's the evil place that Chimpy McHaliburton and Darth Cheney crafted in the very likeness of Mordor itself to house Boy Scouts and choirboys, closed only through the non-violent revolution that swept Barack Øbama and his gasoline pissing unicorns into office. The torture of political prisoners was over! Those poor prisoners - you know, the ones given prayer mats, Korans, and directed towards Mecca, the ones that gained weight in custody - would be set free to go back to their countries of origin and resume their careers as florists and child care providers.

Wait, you mean that mean ol' Bush did something right? If the Teleprompter Jesus himself is cranking things back up, obviously there's a need for that kind of prison, right? So which is it? Was Bush right? Is Øbama wrong? Is it possible that the Democrats took a complex political issue, dumbed it down for a bumpersticker soundbite, then released it for mass consumption? Four legs good, two legs bad? We on the right feel your pain - we remember the sting of "Read my lips: no new taxes".

And speaking of lips, in the words of a former president, you (lefties) might want to put some ice on that...

That is all.

Not Quite, Mumbles...

PISSED sent me a picture that illustrates perfectly how Mumbles Menino and Michael Bloomin'idiotberg want you to think guns are sold in free states like NH and GA:

Oh, if it were only that easy...

That is all.

Holy Falling Snow, Batman!

Be careful out there, folks:

Snow Falling From Roof Crushes Cars In Charlestown

(image from link)

CHARLESTOWN (CBS) – The snow is starting to melt and it is damaging cars in Charlestown.

Snow slid off a sloping roof of an abandoned building on First Street over the weekend and crashed on top of at least two cars.

A note was left at the scene:

Reduce emissions or I kill another car every day.

-Gaia

That is all.

Holy Smokes!

I saw something this morning on my ride into work that I haven't seen in a long time. No, it wasn't someone using their turn signal - that would have been a sign of the impending apocalypse and I would have gone straight home. It was something almost as rare around here, though. I honestly can't remember the last time I saw it. What was this rarity you ask?

A dry patch of roadway.

That is all.

BREAKING NEWS!

Passengers re-elect Edward Smith as Captain of Titanic!

Despite ramming iceberg, ship sinking, passengers have hope that things will change this time...

That is all.

Damn That Flammable Liquid Loophole!

At Least 8 Killed in Cancun Bar Attack

At least eight people were killed Tuesday when a group of men tossed Molotov cocktails into a bar in the tourist friendly Mexican town of Cancun, officials said.

Authorities said six to eight men entered the Castillo de Mar bar and threw homemade bombs, killing six women and two men who were inside.

Investigators said they do not know of a motive for the attack, but the bar was reportedly the victim of two extortion attempts, allegedly by the Zetas drug cartel.

There is no word from the powerful NCA (National Chivas Association) on whether the flammable liquid used in the homemade bombs came from a bottle or bottles of alcohol purchased using the liquor show loophole in Texas or Arizona. Rumors that Mexican drug cartels have been secretly crossing the border into the US to purchase alcohol for their bombs have persisted in the law enforcement community for weeks. There is no word on when boozehounds will relinquish their last bottles of Bacardi 151 for the common good.

I probably shouldn't joke about a bombing where eight innocent people lost their lives, but I'm struck by just how silent the anti-freedom folks are when a mass murder is committed with a weapon that is not a firearm. We were treated to relentless stories of drug wars that were breathlessly (and brainlessly) "traced" to American soil, with the tacit admission that the US's lax gun laws were resulting in Mexican gangs getting their hands on machine guns and hand grenades. Yes, those guns were traced to the US - because we sold the damn things to the Mexican army, who suffer from mass defections and soldiers selling the guns they are issued.

It's foolish to think that we need to change our gun laws to accommodate the lawless in another country. It's suicide to think that by merely making guns harder to get that folks will miraculously stop killing each other - as these sorts of stories prove. Eight people died using materials that one can acquire in countless thousands of gas stations across the country, for literally a handful of dollars. The carnage wrought in the link above may have come from one gallon of gas split between a dozen or so empty beer bottles - there's quite simply no way to stop an attack like that with any law or prohibition.

Or are we going to hear Teddy's immortal cry of "they can have my Chivas bottle when they pry it from my cold, dead han-HHRRRRRK"?

That is all.

Link courtesy of PISSED, who I swear is working for a pharmaceutical company...

Oh no Rooney NO!

Not only is Principal Rooney an asshole (pardon my French), but he's apparently a sex offender who likes young boys:

'Ferris Bueller's Day Off' Star Arrested After Failing to Re-Register As Sex Offender

“Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” star Jeffrey Jones has been charged with a felony after failing to update his registration as a sex offender in California, the L.A. Times reported Wednesday.

Jones, 63, was arrested last week on suspicion of failing to renew his registration within five days of his last birthday, Sept. 28, 2009, the Times said.

Now we know the real reason Rooney was so keen on catching Ferris...

That is all.

Holy Twinkies Batman!

Looks like Whitney Houston discovered them.

And there's now a helluva lot more body to guard...

That is all.

QotD...

Actually, phrase of the day goes to Robb Allen in this post:

Poor Josh, Paul, Petey, and that guy who forgets "The People". Like so many other groups, they were used by Teleprompter Jesus and thrown aside when they were no longer needed.

(emphasis mine)

I don't care who you are, that's funny right there...

That is all.

The Times, They Are A Changin'...

I bought my first computer, a 486 IBM clone with 8 megs of RAM and a 550 MB hard drive, in 1994. I think I paid over $2600 for the PC, CD-ROM, 14" monitor, and black and white inkjet printer.

My iTouch cost one-tenth of that, has 32 GB of memory, fits in my pocket, and can surf the internet at lightning-fast speed.

One thing's the same, though, from 1994 to the present: There's still a socialist in the White House hell-bent on hacking away at our freedoms and hobbling America on the world stage.

That is all.

Not Sure I Buy This...

Smoking linked to lower IQ's

We generally think that people who smoke despite numerous health warnings and the increased risk of cancer do so because of social and economic reasons. Perhaps it's a matter of irresistible peer pressure or maybe they simply don't know any better? Not so, finds a new Israeli study that links smoking to lower IQs.

Dr. Mark Weiser from the Sheba Medical Center at Tel Hashomer Hospital in Israel found a direct correlation between the number of cigarettes a smoker inhales and his IQ. People with lower IQs are the ones who tend to be smokers and the heavier the smoker, the lower the IQ.

Growing up a child of the 1970s - when it seemed like everyone smoked - I've met plenty of really smart people who, at one point or another, smoked. Perhaps that's a generational thing - I knew a lot of people who started smoking before the big warnings push of the late 1960s. My own personal experience - I smoked for 14 years - is that after about, oh, three months you quickly realize that smoking is not a healthful pastime, and anyone with the common sense G-d gave lawn furniture can tell it ain't Vitamin C...

But are they really claiming that our Dear Leader has a low IQ?

That is all.

Time For Action...

We need to take action. We need strong leadership from our elected officials to stop a vicious killer from claiming more victims. It's time we wrote our Congressional representatives and demanded an AWB: Assault Whale Ban.

Our Founding Fathers never envisioned a future where horrifying killing machines could be put on display and touted as family fun. Every thing about these Assault Whales is evil - rows upon rows of high-capacity razor-sharp teeth capable of biting clear through a bulletproof vest; their powerful assault flippers capable of crushing cinder blocks; their blinding speed and unnatural hearing making them supreme killing machines.

Obviously we need to act now, for the children.

That is all.

THAT'S More Like It...

Robb, funny bastard that he is, took Audi's idiot "Green Police" nonsense and skewered it sideways.

Go. Have a good larf on a Friday afternoon.

That is all.

QOTD

Comes from my man Bruce, opining about the state of current representation:

Massachusetts now has more Republican senators than Montana, North Dakota, Arkansas, and West Virginia.

Combined.

Add NM to that list and I'm good...

That is all.

Another Quick Thought...

Perhaps I should change the name of this blog to "stuckinmassachusettes" in honor of Martha Coakley?

That is all.

G-d Called. He Said "Shut the F**k Up"

Pat Robertson says Haiti paying for 'pact to the devil'

(CNN) -- Pat Robertson, the evangelical Christian who once suggested God was punishing Americans with Hurricane Katrina, says a "pact to the devil" brought on the devastating earthquake in Haiti.

Officials fear more than 100,000 people have died as a result of Tuesday's 7.0-magnitude earthquake in Haiti.

[Cut to: Jay staring at his computer screen, mouth agape in abject horror] What the hell??? Here's what this bozo is claiming:

The Haitians "were under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon III and whatever," Robertson said on his broadcast Wednesday. "And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, 'We will serve you if you will get us free from the French.' True story. And so, the devil said, 'OK, it's a deal.' "

Please, someone, anyone, please tell me that I missed the link to "The Onion". This has got to be a joke. This has got to be one of the dumbest things I have ever heard, and I live in the Volksrepublik of Massachusetts. Robertson has either gone off his meds entirely, or started dipping into the Wowie sauce a little too heavily, ifyannowhattamean...

Either that or Robertson is planning a new online information service called Pulled-from-my-ass-ipedia...

That is all.

Global Warming Protest

Heh. Sent to me by a bunch of folks, here's a picture of a recent protest held against Global warming:

HELL NO WE WANT SNOW

Won't someone think of the snowmen (and women)?

That is all.

Just Realized Something...

As of tomorrow, Ted Kennedy will have been sober for three months.

I'm going to hell for that bit, BTW...

That is all.

Tip 'o' the keyboard to reader Tanner for sending me a reminder in e-mail...