[Insert Incoherent Sputtering]

Bono: send Amy Schumer and Chris Rock to fight Islamic State

Never one for holding back on an opinion, Bono has come up with a new way of destroying Islamic State – not with bombs, but with belly laughs. The U2 singer said sending comedians such as Amy Schumer and Sacha Baron Cohen would be an effective alternative to airstrikes.

Bono was speaking in front of a Senate subcommittee on Tuesday 12 April, during a wide-ranging discussion on the Middle East and the refugee crisis. He said: “Don’t laugh. I think comedy should be deployed. It’s like, you speak violence, you speak their language. But you laugh at them, when they’re goose-stepping down the street, and it takes away their power. So, I’m suggesting that the Senate send in Amy Schumer, and Chris Rock, and Sacha Baron Cohen, thank you.”

Okay, let's start with the first WTF. What the bloody hell is *BONO* - a washed-up, has-been former celebrity who used to, at one point in his career, been able to sing - doing appearing before a US Senate subcommittee on ISIS and terrorism? Really, WTF? Did someone think that "Sunday, Bloody Sunday" made him an expert on terrorism?

Or, more likely, did they think that bringing in a celebrity that Boomers and GenX'ers are familiar with would generate more interest in the hearing, and bring attention to their attempt to "Do Something About This"?

Secondly, this is the crappiest load of crap anyone ever crapped. Look, I know it's in vogue to send in washed up singers after terrorist attacks and all, but really? You think sending comedians - female Jewish comedians, at that - to combat a group known for beheading, crucifying, drowning and even immolating those it disagree with is a good idea? Honestly?

What's funny - not in the "ha,ha" way - is that my last post centered on Bruce Springsteen and his *SUPER* brave stance on NC. Specifically, it's over NC's alleged mistreatment of the trans-gendered community in how people who identify with different genders can or cannot use certain restrooms. Whether you agree with Springsteen, North Carolina, or are somewhere in between, there is one unmistakable fact:

Every single person that this "law" allegedly affects would be brutally slaughtered by ISIS. 

You are born a male but identify as a woman? Here in America, you *might* face some prejudice and be forced to use a male bathroom. In Syria, Iraq and other areas dominated by ISIS? They throw you off a gorram building. Perspective. Get some. Dealing with prejudice is never fun. Dealing with homicidal maniacs, though, is decidedly less fun.

It's quite telling who Hollywood thinks we should treat more harshly, isn't it? North Carolina gets boycotts, threats, and hatred. ISIS gets a standup routine.

No, Bono, No. We don't send entertainers. We send B-52 bombers. Lots of 'em. We kill these crazy bastards until they give up. If they don't give up, we kill enough of them that they cease to be a threat. Period. Mockery certainly has its place, but it also has its time. When ISIS is actively controlling large parts of entire countries and sponsoring terrorism around the world is not the time to fall back on an aggressive campaign of sarcasm and potty jokes.

It's time to be shooting these evil mo-fos in the face and bombing them into oblivion, THEN we can mock their failed ideology.

That is all.

Boo F**king Hoo.

So, some jackanape I'd never heard of penned an op-ed for the NYT:

Why I Defaulted on My Student Loans

ONE late summer afternoon when I was 17, I went with my mother to the local bank, a long-defunct institution whose name I cannot remember, to apply for my first student loan. My mother co-signed. When we finished, the banker, a balding man in his late 50s, congratulated us, as if I had just won some kind of award rather than signed away my young life.

By the end of my sophomore year at a small private liberal arts college, my mother and I had taken out a second loan, my father had declared bankruptcy and my parents had divorced. My mother could no longer afford the tuition that the student loans weren’t covering. I transferred to a state college in New Jersey, closer to home.

We're two paragraphs in and he's already bashed the banking institutions and laid the groundwork for his pity party. Oh, those evil banks, making you sign your life away - you know, on the big pile of cash they just handed you. And your parents got divorced? Shucks, that's tough, I understand. But lots of people meet hardships. My freshman year of college, one of my friends' dads dropped dead of an aneurysm. Bet his mom had trouble affording tuition, too.

The rest of the article continues in much the same vein. Oh, poor me, life is hard. College is expensive (as a side note, you want to know why it's so expensive? Ask that champion of the working class, Elizabeth Warren, about how she made $350K a year for teaching ONE CLASS A SEMESTER at Harvard. You think your debt was bad? Try four years at Harvard). You amassed a large debt as a result of your college tuition. Unless you're a LOT younger than I am, you're either full of s**t, you made some INCREDIBLY bad decisions, or there's more to the story.

Look, I went to a state college. I got accepted to Boston University, Northeastern, and a couple other more prestigious institutions. I went to Fitchburg State College, for two reasons: 1. It had the cheapest tuition, room, & board around, and 2. They gave me a partial scholarship. Was it my first choice? Hardly. I filled out the application as a lark, really. But it wasn't too far, so I could keep my part-time job on the weekends to make money, and tuition was cheap. I paid cash for my first year. Dad was a cop. Mom was a housewife. I got - and expected - nothing for college (I think I once got $20). They helped me out when they could (mostly getting textbooks, but also applying for other scholarships), but mainly I was on my own.

And I paid back all of my student loans. Early, even. In fact, when I went to graduate school (which paid me to attend, not the other way around), I specifically chose NOT to suspend payments (even though I could have) so I could pay my college loans off on time. Because that's what adults do. You sign your name to a contract, you fulfill that contract, or you suffer the consequences. Plain and simple. Don't whine and complain about eeeeevil bankers - no one put a gun to your head and made you take those loans out. No one made you pass on the jobs that could have helped you pay those loans back. And fuck you for insinuating that there's something wrong with taking a job because it pays the bills.

You know what would *really* happen if everyone welched on their debts? It wouldn't be some glorious people's rebellion where the banks all went under, no. It would mean that only the super rich went to college, and then ivory tower meatheads like you would piss and moan about how only the "moneyed" had the "privilege" of attending college. The problem ain't the banks, bunky. It's the colleges. When an average state college costs $25K a year - that's a decent mid-sized car every single year - there's a problem. When I went to school, granted over two decades ago, it was $6K where I went. That wasn't even a crappy car. Harvard University is over $60K a year. That's a gorram Mercedes.

But it's those eeeeeeevil bankers' fault that college loans are so onerous, isn't it? Getting an Ivy League degree will cost you very close to a quarter of a million dollars, but DAMN YOU BANKERS for LENDING US MONEY. Let's not question, not even for one second, why tuitions are through the roof, oh no. Let's just leap to the conclusion that this is all some nefarious Wall Street plot to rob the common man of his hard-earned money.

Because if you accept the premise that these banks are evil for lending money, then it makes it seem more noble and iconoclastic to be the guy sticking to them, doesn't it?

I waded about 20 comments into the article before I closed the browser window in disgust. It's breaking about 3:1 for the author's decision, with most people decrying the student loan process. Apparently, unbeknownst to me, there are large roving gangs of student loan facilitators who troll college campuses waiting for a student to approach them. Once approached, they put a gun to the student's head and force that student to sign a loan with interest rates in the triple digits. Sob stories abound about people that took out $5K in loans, only to wind up paying back $25K or more.

Now, I'm no financial wizard, but the loan I took out was for about a year of college, for about $7 - $8K. I paid roughly $150 a month for five or six years and it was done. You know what I didn't do? I didn't defer it when I went back to graduate school. I didn't miss payments. I tried to make more than the minimum payment whenever possible. I drove a succession of crappy used cars rather than a new BMW so I could pay my bills. Then, once I was finished with school, I took a job making good money and finished the debt off in a few months. There's no shame in working a job for the money.

I'd say there's shame in welching on a contract, but you obviously don't share my values.

That is all.

Phoning It In...

Man. Phishers these days are getting *LAZY*... Here's a message I got from "paypal!" (honest, that's the name in the "From" tab).

Dear Customer,

We have temporarily prevented online access to your account.

To avoid be suspended please complete your informations to the link below:
https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_login-submit&dispatch=32343322


Regards
This email was sent by an automated system, so if you reply, nobody will see it. To get in touch with us, log in to your account and click "Contact Us" at the bottom of any page.
Email ID PP1773 - 6546cx79s87d98w6543

The ACTUAL link, not what was shown, was a Bitly job, and no, I didn't click on it. First off, it's not the e-mail associated with my PayPal account to begin with. Secondly, HELLO RAMPANT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS.

And lastly and most importantly, I'm not an idiot who clicks on random links in e-mails from senders I don't know or trust...

That is all.

Hell, Handbasket, Some Assembly Required...

Man, I don't know what's going on out there, but the stupid is THICK. Just a couple of stories that show, graphically, how we are basically on the express elevator to hell.

One:

Texas boy suspended after bringing 'ring of power' to school

Tolkien lore led a Texas boy to suspension after bringing his “one ring” to school.

Kermit Elementary School officials called it a threat when the 9-year-old boy, Aiden, in a playful act of make-believe, told a classmate he could make him disappear with a ring forged in fictional Middle Earth’s Mount Doom.

{blink} {blink} What the hell did I just read?

Two:

911 dispatcher breaks the rules to save a toddler

A 911 dispatcher in Virginia helped save a baby’s life by guiding his family through CPR.

It was the frantic call that sharply plunged a routine day at the Galax Police Department into a race against the clock. A race for a little boy’s life. 17-month-old Aidan Walker had been feeling a little under the weather and was taking a nap with his grandmother Cheri Grable. His mother Melissa Grable was out getting more medicine. When suddenly, “He’s dying! He can’t breathe!”

What worries me the most about both of these stories is the locations. Neither were in Crazy California or Nanny State New York. Texas and Virginia, states not normally known for stupidity of this magnitude.

Now, I can kinda sorta understand the CPR one. Performed improperly, CPR can injure, maim, or even kill someone, especially a 17-month old toddler. You get some adrenaline-fueled parent pressing down hard on a small ribcage and that could be a recipe for disaster. And, of course, a hefty lawsuit. Without the proper credentials for guiding someone in CPR, that department could have been in a world of hurt had things gone wrong.

But, calling a 9-year old child a threat for mentioning Tolkien's One True Ring? Are you kidding me? The only threat here is the one posed by a nine year old smart enough to be reading Tolkien. Chances are pretty high this kid is bored to tears by the standard classroom curriculum and has been a thorn in the teacher's side since September. I know. I was just like that.

Meanwhile, ISIS is burning people to death and President Feckless is sending James Taylor over to sing "You've Got A Friend" to the French people. Why is it that we go batshit crazy over this stupid stuff and WAAAAAYYY overreact, but when it comes to the kind of thing that we should get all worked up about, we approach it like field mice approaching a hungry bobcat?

Maybe we should tell President Teetime that ISIS is secretly planning to teach school children how to use the Ring of Power to perform CPR?

That is all.

A Good Soldier In The War on Women...

Life's good when you're not running for re-election, isn't it Cadillac?

Advocates livid about rape ruling on Gov. Deval Patrick's brother-in-law

Gov. Deval Patrick’s brother-in-law did not have to register as a sex offender because his hearing officer ruled that spousal rape is not considered rape in Massachusetts — a decision that has outraged victims’ advocates calling on the governor to disavow the claim and apologize.

“It’s insulting to all women,” said victims’ lawyer Wendy Murphy. “Gov. Deval Patrick knew this man was fighting to give his brother-in-law a discount for violence against women. You don’t get a discount from rape to a pat on the rear end because the victim was your wife.”

Here's the best part:

Patrick said he fired Sex Offender Registry Board (SORB) Chairwoman Saundra Edwards and put executive director Jeanne L. Holmes on leave last week in part because they pressured a hearing officer to keep the governor’s brother-in-law, Bernard Sigh, on the registry. The hearing officer, Attilio “A.J.” Paglia, refused, quit and filed a lawsuit against the state in 2008.

Got that? The Sex Offender Registry board chair and executive director were s**t-canned by Patrick because they wouldn't take his brother-in-law off the sex offender registry. IMAGINE if this had been a Republican governor. ***IMAGINE*** if it had been Rick Perry or Sarah Palin who did this...

No, wait, I'm sorry, that's not the best part:

Sigh was convicted in California in 1993 of raping his wife, the governor’s sister, then served four months in jail and was put on five years’ probation.

{emphasis mine} This wasn't Patrick's wife's brother, where he might not know the victim all that well. The victim was Patrick's own sister. I'm sorry, folks, that's a new level of scummy. Deval Patrick, the progressive governor of Massachusetts and one of the "rising stars" in the Democratic party, fired one person (a woman, no less) and put another (also a woman) on leave because they WOULDN'T take the man who raped the governor's own sister off the sex offender registry.

Now, I ask you... Where, exactly, is Massachusetts's Senator Warren on all this? This champion of the little person, defender of the defenseless, and champion of the downtrodden is eerily silent on the governor's actions. It's pretty telling, especially since she rode into office on the stupid comments about rape uttered by SC Rep. Todd Akin's. Yet she has nothing to say about the governor of the state she represents actively working to get a rapist OFF the sex offender list.

Note to feminists: THIS is what a war on women looks like, not refusing to pay for abortion-on-demand...

That is all.

Not Sure How I Feel About This...

Clean Air Act plea in Ohio air conditioner thefts

An Ohio man has pleaded guilty to violating the Clean Air Act by releasing a refrigerant into the air during the theft of dozens of air conditioning units.

Federal prosecutors say Martin Eldridge and others stole at least 49 units between August and October last year, releasing the refrigerant when tubing that connected units to houses and businesses was cut.

Actually, I am sure how I feel about this. I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. You see, at first, I thought, hey, great. They caught this scumbag stealing people's air conditioners last summer. I'll take a WAG that, since he was just cutting them loose, he was selling them for scrap metal, most likely to fuel a drug, alcohol, or gambling problem. Cops finally catch him, and they really want to nail him good, so they start digging, and bingo.

I mean, I like putting away thieving scumbags as much as the next guy.

Problem is, I don't like the precedent this sets. I really don't think the Clean Air Act was designed to be an add-on charge to some lowlife stealing air conditioners. Is it much of a stretch to say that someone that steals a car and then wrecks it is also guilty of releasing refrigerant into the atmosphere? Or, extrapolating, that if you glance down at the radio for a second, rear-end the guy in front of you and break your AC condenser, that they won't be hauling you off for a stint in FedPen over a violation of the Clean Air Act?

I think this hands the FedGov *WAY* too big of a sledgehammer to deal with an ant problem...


That is all.

Another dispatch from...

(image courtesy of Robb Allen)

Some Days, I Really Hate People.

And it's especially because of people like this alleged human:

Cops: Drunk Mom Drove with 6 Kids on Car’s Roof, Trunk

What should have been a quick drive home from a neighborhood pool turned into a much longer ordeal after a mother of four was arrested for allegedly driving drunk while her children and two others rode on top of her car.

The reason? Mom didn’t want the wet kids to damage the car’s upholstery.

You want to hear the kicker? The pool is less than half a mile from this stupid bint's house. She drove drunk *and* needlessly endangered the lives of not only her four kids, but two other children as well. Because she didn't want to damage her car's upholstery, four kids had to go to the hospital - one via MedFlight. Here's a crazy idea. If you've had too much to drink, and the kids are all in wet bathing suits, why not walk back to the house?

I mean, why is that so hard? You've had a couple adult beverages while the kids played in the pool. I totally get that. It's summer, you're relaxing, it happens. You're within easy walking distance of your house, though - why on G-d's Green Earth didn't you round up the troops and walk home? Alright kids, you're soaked, there's no way you're getting in my car, let's walk. They don't even have to know you had one too many.

And then there's the mindset that her car is more important than these six kids. Even if she had been stone-cold sober, putting six kids on the OUTSIDE of a car and driving ANY distance is about the dumbest idea in the world. I'd feel different if it had been a pickup, mind you - I can't tell you the number of times I rode in the back of my grandfather's Chevy or my buddy Cliff's dad's Ranchero. But on the roof and trunk?

Lady, I'd say you're as dumb as a box of rocks, but that would be insulting to a box of rocks...

That is all.

Just One More Law...

That's what the Left tells us will stop the horror of mass shootings, right? Pass more gun control and the shootings magically go away, right? It's only through the stonewalling of the Right (and certain civil rights groups) that we still have these horrible incidents. Common sense gun controls like magazine restrictions and one-gun-a-month laws will stop all firearms crime, right?

So, then, explain this story sent in by Joseph in IL. Seriously.

Florida inmates accused in foiled shoot-and-sue scheme

Authorities in Florida charged two prison inmates on Tuesday with shooting themselves with a smuggled pistol in a foiled scheme to sue the state for their injuries in hopes of reducing their sentences.

The Florida Department of Law Enforcement said in a statement that five others - the mother of one wounded convict and the sister of the other, along with their girlfriends and a fellow convict - were accused of assisting in the scheme. Two women charged in the case were still at large, authorities said.

They were IN PRISON, and STILL managed to get a firearm. Cogitate on that.The gun-free-est of gun-free-zones, and yet still hardened criminals were able to get their hands on a firearm. Puts things in perspective, no? Even if the gun-grabbers were to get their wildest gun control dreams passed, we're still going to see violent acts committed with guns.

We just won't have effective tools with which to fight back.

Recent events ("Teach men not to rape") have really left me doubting the flipping sanity of a good chunk of the human race. When someone says something sensible like "women should learn to fight back" and is pilloried as excusing rape? That's insanity, folks. In a perfect world, we wouldn't have to fight back, because no one would do bad things.

But we don't live in a perfect world. We live in the kind of world where violent criminals can get firearms inside a gorram prison. A place where you are searched constantly, where you have no right to privacy whatsoever, where the state controls, literally, your ever moment. And yet these two Einsteins still managed to not only get ahold of a firearm, but to use it.

Fortunately, they elected to use it on themselves in a plan that not even Wile E. Coyote would have signed off on, but still. This seemed like a reasonable course of action. Not only that, but they were able to get a firearm INTO A DAMN PRISON. There are people out there that think you can stop rape by teaching men not to rape (as though there are no female rapists). I would wager the Venn diagram with "People who think that you can educate criminals to not commit crimes" and "People who think gun control will stop criminals from doing bad things with guns" is a single circle.

But yeah, passing a "one gun a month" law or a "certain arbitrary number magazine capacity" law is going to stop horrific crimes. People known for smuggling items into prison still got a deadly weapon into what should be the most secure of secure facilities, and yet there are people out there thinking that "just one more law" will stop criminals from doing bad things.

And there's one more thing. The sheer incompetence of the officials that allowed this to happen. Reading the story, it seems like these geniuses had someone mail the gun to them. Um, what? No one opens packages to prisoners? X-rays them? Now, the gun was a .25 ACP, which means it was more than likely pretty small, but still, it should have been damn heavy for a package going to an inmate. If it wasn't GROSS incompetence, it was collusion. Neither instance covers the jail in glory here...

I don't want to live on their planet, folks - heck, I don't even want to visit.

That is all.

I'm Glad All The Real Problems Have Been Solved...

For the love of Pete, really?

Obama to tackle youth sports concussion issue

Concerned that too little is known about the effects of head injuries in young athletes, President Barack Obama is bringing representatives of professional sports leagues, coaches, parents, youth sports players, researchers and others to the White House to help educate the public about youth sports concussions.

Tackling the issue at a White House summit Thursday, Obama also will highlight pledges of money and other support from the NFL, the National Institutes of Health, the Pop Warner Little Scholars and others to do the research, promote safety and speed development of materials designed to provide better protection.

Dear sweet suffering Vishnu, are you kidding me? Do we really the frelling President of the United States to get involved in childhood concussion issues? REALLY? This is a matter that merits the attention of the leader of the free world? HONEST?

Look, TheBoy played football in fifth grade. They go through all kinds of training to learn how to hit properly to avoid using their heads (literally). Teams that hit the wrong way are penalized accordingly. There are procedures and such in place. Yes, accidents do happen, but it's fortunately not very often.

This is not the kind of thing we want or need the Federal government to get involved in.

This is everything that is wrong with our society in a nutshell, folks. Here we have a minor issue - children getting concussions from playing football - that is being blown out of proportion until the frelling President decides it's worthy of his time and effort to look into it. We don't need a Federal Concussion Commission. The most we need is for grown men to stop getting obscene salaries for playing a child's game and fostering the insane competitive atmosphere that gets kids pushed into sports too early.

In other words, prepare for the full-on bubble suit for anyone under the age of 26 in the next decade...

That is all.

Another dispatch from...

(image courtesy of Robb Allen)

Treading a Fine Line...

So, I saw this last night on Facebook:

And my first thought was, wow. That's awfully insensitive. There are young girls missing in Nigeria, and some jerk photoshopped our FLOTUS with a pathetic, tear-jerker sign. What a craven, trying to score cheap political points while young girls are in danger.

And then I saw that it wasn't a PhotoShop.

Michelle Obama Tweets Message of Support for Missing Nigerian Girls

Malala Yousafzai, the Pakistani teenage activist who survived a Taliban assassination attempt, also spoke up for the missing girls, in an interview with NBC News.

On April 14, militants with the Islamic fundamentalist group Boko Haram reportedly attacked the Government Girls Secondary School in the northern Nigerian town of Chibok and kidnapped nearly 300 girls.

So, let's see. The girls have been gone for three weeks, and the best we can do as the most powerful nation on earth is have the First Lady hold up a pathetic sign? Hashtag activism? That's all we have?

The people responsible for this are of the same bent as the people that took down the World Trade Center. They've got to be laughing so hard they soil their garments at this. The most powerful nation in the world, the same one that destroyed the Taliban and smashed terrorist training camps all over the Middle East and Asia, is not only powerless to do anything but happy to show the world how powerless we are?

What the bloody hell is this going to drive these monsters to do next?

They don't respect us, and after a stunt like this, they sure as hell aren't going to fear us. How brazen are they going to be after this? I mean, you have the woman that sleeps next to the most powerful man in the world practically begging the monsters to, well, stop being monsters. Those girls are gone. They've been gone for 3 weeks. I hope I'm wrong, but I fear they are no longer able to be returned.

And what do we do? Some pathetic display of faux concern meant to convey just how much we care. We're sending a team to help look for them. A non-military team, because we don't want to offend anyone. These bastards are terrorists, you yutz. What the bloody hell do you think is going to happen if our team does happen to find those girls? Are we going to ask the terrorists pretty please to give them back?

Or are we going to be holding up gorram hashtag cards for the American team?

That is all.

The "Service" We Expect...

I'd like to say this surprised me. However, I'm not going to start lying to my readers...

IRS Employees recieved bonuses despite tax compliance problems

Tax season is over and many Americans have already filed their taxes, but not everyone at the Internal Revenue Service has.

Some IRS employees were found to be non-compliant, yet still received bonuses and time-off awards. This was found in an audit by the Treasury Inspector General for Tax Administration. The agency ran this audit on the IRS employee awards program, in order to reduce spending and review their guidelines, after new Federal guidance issued in Fiscal Year 2011.

You want to hear the kicker? Check this out:

While they did find that program complied with federal requirements to limit awards, it was found that the IRS does not consider tax compliance or misconduct when awarding its employees for performance.

So, as long as employees are auditing the hell out of Tea Party members, it's perfectly fine for them to cheat on their taxes. Thanks for the clarification. Now, I can kinda grok the tax compliance part - I mean, what better way to catch a cheat than to be one, right? I mean, maybe that's considered a job qualification - you have to be able to evade taxes to spot people doing the same...

But misconduct? I'm trying to think how in the Wide World of Sports an employee can be guilty of misconduct and still qualify for a bonus. Gee, Johnson, you've audited more people than anyone else in your department. That totally excuses you from coming in drunk three days a week and sexually harassing every woman in the department.

I'd say that we've gone around the bend into parody, but in order for parody to be effective it has to be slightly realistic - which this isn't...

That is all.

Another dispatch from...

(image courtesy of Robb Allen)

I Shouldn't Make Fun of the Feeble-Minded...

...but it's so damn easy...

PETA drops restaurant proposal for Dahmer house

A national animal welfare group says it has abandoned the idea of turning serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer's childhood home in Ohio into a vegan restaurant.

Moira Colley, spokeswoman for the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, tells The Akron Beacon Journal the group "won't be able to move forward" with the proposal to convert the large northeast Ohio house into a restaurant called Eat For Life: Home Cooking.

Translated: They got laughed out of every single bank and venture company they showed this moronic business plan to... I know that a good part of PETA's plans involve doing things to shock people. I grok that. In that vein, I think this is an excellent idea - it's certainly going to get them talked about, that's for sure. But turning the childhood home of the most notorious serial killer and cannibal into a vegan restaurant? Brother, that's fail with a capital "F"...

The big problem is, you need to get people thinking about your organization in a thoughtful manner. You need to make them think. You can't just do something moronic to get your name in the headlines and expect people to take you seriously. Westboro Baptist got a lot of press time, but it didn't convert people to their line of thinking. Paris Hilton made a sex tape, and it didn't exactly further her career (why she even *has* a career is the subject of another blog post: "100 reasons Jay thinks we're doomed as a species")

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

That is all.

Another dispatch from...

(image courtesy of Robb Allen)

Uh, No.

Warning:

(image courtesy of Robb Allen)

---

#1 Blogdaughter sends this one in. Wait for it.

UPS fires 250 drivers in New York over walk out, report says

What can brown do for you? Well, for 250 unionized drivers in New York, it can fire you.

The shipping giant Monday fired these employees because they walked off the job in February in protest over the dismissal of a fellow Queens employee who worked for the company for 24 years, The Daily News reported.

Gee. If I walked off my job, there's a pretty good chance I'd get fired, too. I guess because they were magical union employees, they thought they were untouchable. That's not the worst part of this story, though. This is:

"UPS takes millions from the city and yet it’s going to bankrupt 250 families just because out guys stood up for a fellow worker," Tim Sylvester, the head of the International Brotherhood of Teamsters Local 804, told the paper.

Right. UPS just *takes* millions from the city. It doesn't provide a service or anything, they just roll the brown trucks into the city, demand that the city fill them with cash, and leave. What kind of magic brownies do you have to ingest to make the leap from "provides a service in exchange for payment" to "takes millions from the city"?

I mean, to say nothing of the fact that these workers made the conscious decision to walk off the job. I suspect that "showing up" and "staying there" are pretty integral parts of one's job, especially in what is really an unskilled position. I interviewed with UPS in college. They were recruiting heavily from that labor pool - unskilled kids looking to make money over the summer.

But yeah, if you provide a service, that's "taking money." I'd really hate to think what this guy thinks of welfare, in that case.

That is all.

*Sputter* WHAT?

Manhattan home prices soar to median $972,000

While home prices in other parts of the country are still 20% below their housing boom peak, demand for large, luxury apartments has helped home prices in Manhattan almost fully recover from the housing bust.

During the first quarter, the median sales price for a condo or co-op in Manhattan rose 18.5% year-over-year to $972,000, according to Douglas Elliman.

Very close to a million dollars for a 900 square foot home? Are you smoking crack? Now, remind me again of the overwhelming political affiliation in New York? And the GOP is the part of the rich? Ha. Right. Pull the other one, it's got bells on it.

I cannot comprehend of the mindset that would pay nearly a million dollars for what is basically a glorified trailer. We had a dinky little two bedroom apartment before we built the house in MA that was 650 square feet. One bedroom was 10X10, the other was 12X14. There was a tiny kitchen, a modest living area, and a small bathroom in that space. You mean to tell me that another 250 square feet - one medium bedroom and possibly a dining area - sells for a million damn dollars? Y'all are crazy.

All the atmosphere in the world can't make up that kind of price, sorry...

That is all.

Closing With A Laugh...

ChiefJayBob sends in this bit of humor for your afternoon enjoyment.

Police: DeKalb man smelled like pot in court

DeKALB — A 19-year-old DeKalb man is facing felony charges after DeKalb city attorney Dean Frieders smelled marijuana on him in DeKalb City Court on Monday, court records show.

Justin M. Gates, of the 1000 block of State Street, was charged with unlawful delivery of marijuana, unlawful possession of marijuana and unlawful possession of drug paraphernalia. He told police he had sold marijuana to friends in the past, court records show....

Look, I'll be the first to admit that, of all the things that are currently illegal that should not be, marijuana is damn near the top of the list. However, I'd feel exactly the same way if this were someone in court for an OUI offense who showed up drunk. You really have to shake your head at the thought process - or lack thereof - that says, hey, I'm going to court for my pot bust. Think I'll spark up a doobie...

I know, I know. If they were smart they wouldn't be criminals. 

That is all.

So, Now It's NOT Racist?

I'm confused.

Group rips off Gadsden flag in pro-ObamaCare bumper sticker

A President Obama-aligned group trying to drum up enrollment for ObamaCare is giving away bumper stickers that spoof the Gadsden flag -- a symbol informally adopted by the Tea Party movement and, for that reason, long derided by Democrats.

The stickers are a marketing ploy by Organizing for Action, an advocacy group which helped Obama win reelection in 2012. The stickers feature a doctor's stethoscope, instead of the coiled rattlesnake on the original golden-colored flag.

So, for the past five years the Gadsden flag - unofficially adopted by the Tea Party - has been this HORRIBLE ZOMG RACIST symbol that those awful Teabaggers were rallying around. It's so horrible that it's now being used...

...to hawk Obamacare.

Yeah. They really did.

The Gadsden flag, the Revolutionary War symbol of American rebellion and individualism, has been captured, hacked, and misappropriated as some twisted symbol of ObamaCare, the government mandated forced on the American people at gunpoint that has cost jobs, doctors, and access to top tier health care itself.

One bad thing about Virginia - I can *hear* many of the Founding Fathers turning in their graves... It's a loud hum.

That is all.

Another dispatch from...

(image courtesy of Robb Allen)

GMAFB...

Here's a classic story of people trying desperately hard to be offended whenever they can.

Atheists want iconic 17-foot cross removed from 9/11 museum

Atheists are trying to oust the “Miracle Cross” from the 9/11 museum arguing that its inclusion would violate the Constitution’s separation of church and state.

But Eric Baxster of the Becket Fund for Religious Liberty told MyFoxNY that the cross is part of the story of 9/11 and that museums don't censor history.

It's a museum, you thin-skinned jackass. I'll bet there are plenty of religious items in the various and sundry Smithsonian museums, and any art museum is bound to have works of art with religious themes. The First Amendment guarantees you that the government cannot force you to be part of a religious organization.

It does not mean that you have a right to never, ever hear or see anything religious.

To say nothing of the fact that this is not a religious artifact. It's pieces of the World Trade Center after the 9/11 attacks that were discovered in a configuration that resembles the Christian cross. It's not an actual cross. Are we going to expunge every single instance of crosses in all government installations?

What's next, are we going to demand that the government stop using lowercase "t"s?

That is all.

Another dispatch from...

(image courtesy of Robb Allen)

It's A Cookbook!

Gah. #1 Blogdaughter sends in yet more proof that "Idiocracy" was really a documentary, not a comedy...

Essay portion to be optional under revised SAT college entrance exam

Essay optional. No penalties for wrong answers. The SAT college entrance exam is undergoing sweeping revisions.

Changes in the annual test that millions of students take will also do away with some vocabulary words such as "prevaricator" and "sagacious" in favor of words more commonly used in school and on the job.

Ah, yes. Let's not learn those pesky big words. Hard to spell and all, don't you know? Why not just do away with the SATs entirely and have "Everyone gets into college" day? And I love that there's no longer a penalty for guessing wrong. This is RIGHT AFTER the section where they tell you that they're changing the test to make it more like the real world.

[blank stare]

Why, yes, there are no penalties for guessing wrong in the real world. Just ask President Gary Hart.  Or the guy who thought that filling a damn dirigible with flippin' hydrogen was a swell and dandy way to cart people around. Or, say, General Custer deciding to leave the heavy machinery home. Or the Captain of the Titanic deciding that "full steam ahead" was a grand idea in a sea of icebergs...

What really chaps my ass, though, is this piece of regurgitated class warfare bullshit:

A longstanding criticism of the SAT is that students from wealthier households do better on the exam because they can afford expensive test preparation classes.

Gee, a quick search around the internet reveals that you can take practice tests for free and even get free test prep as well. That's what I found in two minutes of searching in my spare time. I'm not a high school junior or senior preparing for one of the more important tests in my career. I suspect there are plenty of free tests out there for anyone who wants them. It's not the cost of the prep that makes the "students from wealthier households" do better; it's the fact that they know how important these tests are and prepare accordingly.

How long will it be before they start taking points away from the smart kids?

That is all.

Isn't This Special?

Top Treasury employees swindled thousands of dollars, in-the-know bosses did nothing

Officials in two Treasury Department bureaus fraudulently enriched themselves at taxpayer expense, according to documents obtained by the Washington Examiner.

The assistant commissioner of the Bureau of Public Debt who supervised 108 employees in the bureau's West Virginia office “was committing egregious time and attendance fraud," depriving taxpayers of nearly $100,000 in salary for hours she did not work, according to one of several Treasury Department inspector general documents obtained under the Freedom of Information Act, most of which had previously gone unreported.

Isn't that great? Six-figure salary ($170K), works five hours a day, and *still* has to bilk the public trough. And that's only PART of the issues. This person and another employee were Humane Society members and doing HSUS business while in their government offices. The best part? Their supervisors knew about it and didn't discipline them.

The individual cases are shocking, but they pale in comparison to looking at the system as a whole. These stories are hardly isolated, yet we continue to hear new ones on a regular basis. People making well into six figures who still feel the need to game the system, putting in half-days or submitting mileage reimbursements for driving to work.

And yet they'll stand there and tell you that the minimum wage should be raised so that EEEEVIL corporations can pay "their share" with a perfectly straight face...

That is all.

Another dispatch from...

(image courtesy of Robb Allen)

Reasons I Left MA, Part ???

Joseph in IL has been scanning MA papers looking for news from my old state. He found this wonderful story...

Doughnut shop in Mass. YMCA won't sell doughnuts

QUINCY, Mass. (AP) — A doughnut shop chain won't be selling doughnuts at a new Massachusetts location.

Quincy's licensing board this week approved a plan for Honey Dew Donuts to open a shop inside the city's new $30 million YMCA.

Yes. The donut shop that's going into the local Y isn't going to be allowed to sell donuts. That makes perfect sense - in Massachusetts maybe. Why on earth did they approve a Honey Dew Donuts if they weren't going to allow them to sell the food product that's in their damn name??? (Note for clarification: The YMCA isn't going to allow the donut shop to sell donuts, not the licensing board).

And of course, in the ultimate display of style over substance, there are other items on the Honey Dew menu that are perfectly fine to sell - but are higher in calories and fat than some of the donuts. Great planning there, Quincy YMCA! Donuts Bad! Muffins Good! The real question I'd like to know is if the YMCA told Honey Dew they couldn't sell donuts before or after Honey Dew went through the permitting process...

Ah, Massachusetts - you continue to provide me with blogfodder!

That is all.