[Insert Incoherent Sputtering]

Bono: send Amy Schumer and Chris Rock to fight Islamic State

Never one for holding back on an opinion, Bono has come up with a new way of destroying Islamic State – not with bombs, but with belly laughs. The U2 singer said sending comedians such as Amy Schumer and Sacha Baron Cohen would be an effective alternative to airstrikes.

Bono was speaking in front of a Senate subcommittee on Tuesday 12 April, during a wide-ranging discussion on the Middle East and the refugee crisis. He said: “Don’t laugh. I think comedy should be deployed. It’s like, you speak violence, you speak their language. But you laugh at them, when they’re goose-stepping down the street, and it takes away their power. So, I’m suggesting that the Senate send in Amy Schumer, and Chris Rock, and Sacha Baron Cohen, thank you.”

Okay, let's start with the first WTF. What the bloody hell is *BONO* - a washed-up, has-been former celebrity who used to, at one point in his career, been able to sing - doing appearing before a US Senate subcommittee on ISIS and terrorism? Really, WTF? Did someone think that "Sunday, Bloody Sunday" made him an expert on terrorism?

Or, more likely, did they think that bringing in a celebrity that Boomers and GenX'ers are familiar with would generate more interest in the hearing, and bring attention to their attempt to "Do Something About This"?

Secondly, this is the crappiest load of crap anyone ever crapped. Look, I know it's in vogue to send in washed up singers after terrorist attacks and all, but really? You think sending comedians - female Jewish comedians, at that - to combat a group known for beheading, crucifying, drowning and even immolating those it disagree with is a good idea? Honestly?

What's funny - not in the "ha,ha" way - is that my last post centered on Bruce Springsteen and his *SUPER* brave stance on NC. Specifically, it's over NC's alleged mistreatment of the trans-gendered community in how people who identify with different genders can or cannot use certain restrooms. Whether you agree with Springsteen, North Carolina, or are somewhere in between, there is one unmistakable fact:

Every single person that this "law" allegedly affects would be brutally slaughtered by ISIS. 

You are born a male but identify as a woman? Here in America, you *might* face some prejudice and be forced to use a male bathroom. In Syria, Iraq and other areas dominated by ISIS? They throw you off a gorram building. Perspective. Get some. Dealing with prejudice is never fun. Dealing with homicidal maniacs, though, is decidedly less fun.

It's quite telling who Hollywood thinks we should treat more harshly, isn't it? North Carolina gets boycotts, threats, and hatred. ISIS gets a standup routine.

No, Bono, No. We don't send entertainers. We send B-52 bombers. Lots of 'em. We kill these crazy bastards until they give up. If they don't give up, we kill enough of them that they cease to be a threat. Period. Mockery certainly has its place, but it also has its time. When ISIS is actively controlling large parts of entire countries and sponsoring terrorism around the world is not the time to fall back on an aggressive campaign of sarcasm and potty jokes.

It's time to be shooting these evil mo-fos in the face and bombing them into oblivion, THEN we can mock their failed ideology.

That is all.

I Wish I Could Say This Surprised Me...

Wow. Just... Wow.

Obama nominates ex-MBTA boss Beverly Scott to NTSB

The former head of the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority's Beverly Scott has been nominated by President Obama for a position with the National Transportation Safety Board.

Scott resigned her position as general manager at the MBTA in February after record-setting snowfall resulted in widespread, long-term delays and cancellations across the aging system.

Hmm. Beverly Scott. Why does that name sound familiar? Oh, that's right. I've covered her "performance" before.

Folks, let's get one thing perfectly straight. Massachusetts is 90% controlled by Democrats. That a double minority would resign from a public job means one of two things: Either she was so grossly incompetent that her complete and utter lack of ability was going to get a bunch of people killed, or she was robbing the place blind and left a trail. No one leaves the public sector voluntarily.

Especially with perks like this:

During her tenure at the MBTA, Scott spent 106 days traveling out of state while at the helm of the MBTA, taking 30 trips in 24 months.

Thirty trips in two years. 15 trips a year. More than one a month. As head of the MBTA. We can only assume that her trips were to other large cities to study how they handled emergencies, large events and crowds in their public transportation, right?

Seriously, stop laughing. It's undignified.

But she's moving up to the national level, now, thanks to our glorious excuse of a President. A woman so horrifically incompetent she was forced to resign in Massachusetts is somehow qualified to weigh in on national transportation issues. This is like someone fired from a hospital for gross incompetence getting nominated for Surgeon General. Think about this: SHe couldn't hack it (pun intended) in Massachusetts - where, I remind you, the past three Speakers of the House have gone to jail and the former governor was embezzling money.

I'll bet Barack doesn't call her "Sweetie", though.

That is all.

That is all.

Explosives Make Poor Hats...

By now, most people have heard about the unfortunate young man from Maine who decided, as a joke, to put a firework mortar on his head.

Maine man dies after launching fireworks from his head

A 22-year-old man celebrating the Fourth of July was killed instantly over the weekend when authorities said he tried to launch fireworks from atop his head.

Devon Staples had been drinking with family and friends Saturday night in Calais, Maine, a small town near the Canadian border, when he put a reloadable fireworks mortar tube on his head and threatened to light it, Maine Department of Public Safety spokesman Stephen McCausland told the Associated Press.

Now, first off, my heart goes out to the family of this young man. No matter what you think of the stunt, a man lost his life. Someone's son, someone's brother, someone's fiance has had their life cut tragically short. That it was a case of apparent stupidity, possibly fueled by alcohol, makes it worse - there is, quite simply, no reason for this to have occurred.

Some speculate that he thought the firework was a dud, that he picked it up and was goofing around when it went off. Others cling to the idea that he accidentally lit the firework with a cigarette. His mother wants to more strictly regulate fireworks, choosing to shift the blame to the inanimate object rather than the person that misused the inanimate object.

Hmmm. Where have we heard that before?

I think, though, that we have to step back and take a bigger look at things. Sure, to people with life experience, putting a high explosive right up next to your brain is a giant red flag, something we'd never do and would actively stop someone from doing. But look at it from the vantage point of a 22-year old manchild (and, honestly, 22 years old with no college and only time spent working at Disney? You're technically an adult but you haven't grown up yet).

He has spent his entire life in a cocoon of forced safety.

Let that sink in a minute. His entire life, things have either been mandatory or banned. Lawn darts? Too dangerous. Banned. Three-wheeled ATVs? Too dangerous. Banned. Helmets for bicycles, skis, roller skates, etc.? Mandatory. Backup cameras in cars? Mandatory. When he was a toddler, his parents probably padded all the corners, blocked all the outlets, and put all the cleaning supplies in the top cabinet. As a young boy, he was forced to wear helmets, pads, seatbelts, bright colored clothes, etc.

He's never learned what danger *is*. 

Everyone gets a trophy. Everyone's a winner. We can't keep score because then the losers feel bad. Feelings triumph over everything else, and we get so wrapped up in making everything "fair" that important lessons fall by the wayside. No one is allowed to fail. No one is allowed to make mistakes. No one ever grabs the handle of the hot pan and gets burned, learning the important lesson to listen to mom when she tells you to leave the stuff on the range alone.

I fear we will see a *lot* more stories like these.

Freedom is dangerous. It's messy. It's complicated. We can't legislate people into being responsible adults; we have to show them how to behave. You can't put a kid in a program to learn about the dangers of *everything* - too much of the world is dangerous. You have to equip your kids with the tools to make good decisions, and that's hard. It's a lot easier to blunt the scissors, to medicate with television and video games so that they stop asking the hard questions and stop seeking wisdom and knowledge.

We placate rather than educate.

Yes, he did something stupid. But put yourself in his shoes. His entire life, all the dangerous stuff has been kept far away from him. He's never been allowed to fail, never made a mistake that bit him on the @$$, never had something go horribly wrong that he had to fix. I'll wager he never had to change a flat tire or walk five miles to a gas station because he ran out of gas - the cell phone and AAA membership have rendered that life lesson obsolete.

It's easy to joke about Darwin and "stupid should hurt." It's harder to sit back and look objectively at the vast bulk of our society and realize that we're raising a generation who are going to do things just like this, simply because they've never learned otherwise. They've never taken chances, because they've never been allowed to take risks. If you take a risk, you could get hurt.

There has been a grave disservice done in removing all consequences from bad actions.

That is all.

Wait. What?

Someone above me in pay grade needs to explain this to me.

I own a bakery. I am of a religious belief that says homosexuality is a sin. A gay couple comes in and requests a cake for their wedding. If I refuse, I can be sued. The ruling was, essentially, you run a bakery, not a church.

However, if I run a trucking company and two employees refuse to carry a load of alcohol, citing their religious beliefs, I cannot fire them, lest the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission sue me for refusing to accommodate their religious beliefs.

Honestly?

Can someone reconcile these two stories? Ideally, it'd be nice if you were intellectually honest at the same time. How on bloody earth can a business get sued for refusing to do something based on their religious beliefs, while at the same time another business gets sued for doing something based on their employees' religious beliefs? Isn't the government playing both ends against the middle?

I have a solution, though. Make the Muslim truck drivers delivery gay wedding cakes...

That is all.

Why Is the NCA* Silent?

Joseph in IL sends in a cutting story...

Farming town disrupted by melee that included chain saw

The quiet of Big Sandy's block-long commercial district was disrupted one afternoon this week when two vehicles sped into town and their seven occupants got out and began fighting.

The brawl began when three men in a car pulled up in front of a coffee shop shortly after 2 p.m. Monday, and a pickup carrying two men and two women stopped behind them, Chouteau County Sheriff Vern Burdick said.

Considering that one person had "superficial" wounds and the remaining participants were unharmed, it's safe to bet that "Yakety Sax" should accompany any footage of this melee (thanks to Joseph for the mental image...) Fortunately, everyone involved was either completely inept in the ways of street fighting or perhaps too drunk to swing a fist properly. In any case, it seems like damage was minimal and no innocent bystanders were injured.

I've often joked that I'd like to include a chainsaw in my home defense plan, for one simple reason: If someone does break into my house, it's most likely going to be in the middle of the night, while I'm sleeping. Sure, showing up at the top of the stairs with an AR-15 or shotgun would be scary, but imagine a McCulloch with a 2' bar in full throttle, being wielded by a 6' tall shaved head biker looking guy in his tidy whiteys... I envision the home invaders leaving comical human silhouette prints in the door leaving...

Remember, when chainsaws are outlawed, only outlaws will have chainsaws...

That is all.

*Why, the National Chainsaw Association, of course!

Remind Me, Again...

Why did we trade five high-level terrorists for this guy?

Bergdahl charged with desertion

Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl, who was held five years after being captured by the Taliban when he left his remote post in Afghanistan, was charged Wednesday by the Army with desertion and misbehavior before the enemy.

The misbehavior charge carries a potential life sentence, the Army said in a statement, but legal analysts said it was likely Bergdahl would reach an agreement that would result in a light punishment.

So we gave away - GAVE AWAY - five high-level Taliban terrorists for a guy who abandoned his Army post. I distinctly remember, at the time, that we were told Bergdahl was deathly ill, and that's why the Obama Administration couldn't wait for congressional approval for making the swap. Bergdahl was not sick, was not a captive, and the exchange seems to have served no purpose other than to let terrorists go free.

This is exactly the kind of world-class leadership we've come to expect from this administration.

Contrast, if you will, to the Reagan administration selling arms to the Iranians in exchange for the release of American hostages. That was the worst thing in the world, according to the Democrats, and resulted in a 7 year, 50 million dollar special investigation that resulted in the NSA head going to jail for six months. And these were actual hostages, not people that abandoned their military post.

But then again, you know, dude that was like two years ago, right?

That is all.

The Species Has Amused Itself to Death

Sweet suffering baby Jesus. We. Are. Doomed.

Feminist conference says clapping ‘triggers anxiety,’ asks attendees to use ‘jazz hands’ instead

A U.K. student feminism conference is asking attendees to refrain from clapping and use “jazz hands” instead so as to not trigger anxiety in others.

The National Union of Students (NUS) Women’s Campaign announced the clapping “ban” at the West Midlands conference on Twitter Tuesday, shortly after receiving a request from the Oxford University Women’s Campaign.

Look, I totally grok asking folks not to clap at certain junctures. While it's a great morale boost, it's also a great way to interrupt someone, or even just to make someone lose their train of thought in a completely innocuous way. But it triggers anxiety? On what planet?

Seriously, I want to know. What sort of tenuous grip on reality do you have to have to be traumatized by people clapping? Were you involved in a particularly intense round of B-I-N-G-O in kindergarten? Too many rounds of "The Chicken Dance" at weddings? I'm trying like hell to think of an event that would so thoroughly scar someone's fragile psyche that clapping would have to be replaced by jazz hands.

And isn't that misappropriating culture? I mean, jazz was primarily an African-American institution brought about by the plight of the former slave and sharecropper as they emerged from post-Reconstruction America? How dare these evil white oppressors steal yet another thing from the African-American!

You know who I feel bad for? The poor bastards at The Onion. How the bloody hell do you come up with parody after a story like the above? The whole point of parody is that it's somewhat close to reality - if this *had* been a story in The Onion, no one would have laughed, because it's too divorced from anything even vaguely resembling reality.

Then again, I have ceased to be surprised with anything from the Entitlement Generation...

That is all.

I Have No Words...

I thought some of the stuff in the video I posted yesterday was stupid. Folks, the idiots passing cars on the right, lanesplitting, and otherwise riding motorcycles like mouth-breathing morons are Albert F**king Einstein compared to the person in this next story...

Driver was on Facebook before crash that killed three, say cops

A Wisconsin woman's phone is recovered months after a crash in which her daughter and two nieces, whom she was driving, were killed. She is being charged with homicide.

When the crash happened, police couldn't work out why.

A car driven by 34-year-old Kari Jo Milberg from Centuria, Wisc., allegedly plowed into a truck heading in the opposite direction. Her 11-year-old daughter and two 5-year-old nieces, who were in the car with her, were killed.

Also in this car was her three year old son, who was injured in the crash. Now, I understand that there are a lot of "if"s here. We're assuming the story is more-or-less correct as reported, and I know that often that is a HUGE leap of faith. I'm a little skeptical myself in that the phone was found months later, and *that* is the break that lead cops to suspect she was on Facebook? There's something that doesn't quite mesh up here.

With that caveat, though, there's an inescapable fact: There was a collision between this person's vehicle and a rather large truck, and in that collision three people were killed. Her 11-year old daughter, and two 5-year old nieces, lost their lives in the crash. She was ejected from the vehicle, indicating she wasn't wearing a seatbelt; police and witnesses ruled out weather as a factor.

What is known is that immediately before the crash she was actively sending and receiving Facebook messages. The last message was two minutes before the crash was reported; certainly she was sending these messages at some point while she was driving. Maybe she stopped, and the crash happened when one of the kids caught her attention, but the evidence does point to her inattention as having caused the crash.

She's facing three counts of negligent homicide, which I can't say I disagree with. Assuming the charges are correct, her desire to continue a conversation on her phone was more important than the safety of not only her own two children, but of two small children under her care. That is unconscionable. It would be one thing if she got rear-ended at a red light and they discovered she was on Facebook at the time. But to be driving down a main road, blithely texting away with four kids in the car?

I can't wrap my mind around that kind of ignorance, I really can't.

That is all.

So, Let Me Get This Straight...

Hillary Clinton Used Personal Email Account at State Dept., Possibly Breaking Rules

Hillary Rodham Clinton exclusively used a personal email account to conduct government business as secretary of state, State Department officials said, and may have violated federal requirements that officials’ correspondence be retained as part of the agency’s record.

Mrs. Clinton did not have a government email address during her four-year tenure at the State Department. Her aides took no actions to have her personal emails preserved on department servers at the time, as required by the Federal Records Act.

Hmmm. Why do I seem to remember a situation where someone in a position of power was excoriated for using personal e-mail while acting in an official position? It was a position far less influential than Secretary of State, and it was only a portion of the time. Oh, and we found out about it long after this person left the limelight. Remember?

Setting aside the obvious media bias (water is wet!), it is quite troubling that Hillary Clinton used a private, unsecured e-mail address her entire tenure as Secretary of State. As the New York Times (NYT!?!?!?!) points out, this is absolutely unprecedented. It is hard to imagine the news taking as cavalier a tone had it been Dick Cheney, say, who eschewed the rules and broke protocol.

The puzzling part here is deciding what's going on with this news. Is this being leaked by White House operatives hoping to damage Clinton for 2016? The Obama Administration has been pretty chummy with Fauxcahontas, I mean Elizabeth Warren, potentially grooming her for a 2016 run (I mean, c'mon, after President Feckless it's not like experience means a damn, right?). What better way to clear the way for Warren than to torpedo the likely candidate?

And the sheer arrogance and hubris shown by Clinton is stunning. That someone as politically savvy as Hillary Clinton, who went from "I'm not going to stay home and bake cookies" to "stand by your man" in the sake of political expedience, could make such an egregious mistake as to ignore official protocol? It certainly looks like she's hiding something, especially when the e-mails pertaining to Benghazi, one of the biggest failures of her time as SecState, number a paltry 300? I don't buy it, and I hope whoever runs against her presses her on it.

I mean, we know the media won't, but that's a given...

That is all.

Another dispatch from...

(image courtesy of Robb Allen)

I Weep for the Species

I just... I can't... Gah.

Officials: Teen accused in boy's death took selfie with body

Authorities say a western Pennsylvania teenager charged in the shooting death of another teen took a selfie with the body and sent it to a friend on social media.

The 16-year-old boy is charged with homicide and a firearms count in the death of 16-year-old Ryan Mangan, who was found Wednesday evening in his Jeannette home.

He shot another human to death, then took pictures of the body and sent them to his friends on social media. I'm guessing Facebook or Instagram or something of that ilk. Over. The. Damn. Internet. I mean, there's not even a pretense of discretion here. You've just committed a horrible, violent crime that in many states would earn you the death penalty. Let's broadcast our guilt!

There are so many facets to this story I don't even know where to begin. There's a 16 year old murderer - too young to buy a firearm in any state in the US, and certainly too young to legally carry a firearm - who is so proud of having committed the most heinous of violent crimes that he takes to social media.

There's something seriously wrong with both this kid and our society here. He wasn't afraid of getting caught, certainly; that's the biggest problem (after being completely willing to just murder a peer, of course). That some people think more gun laws will stop something like this is both infuriating and frightening. And what the hell does it say about us that he just *had* to post pictures of his crime?

Hell, handbasket, some assembly required...

That is all.

Another dispatch from...

(image courtesy of Robb Allen)

Two Images Come to Mind...

I saw this:

US chimpanzee Tommy 'has no human rights' - court

The appeals court in New York state said caged chimpanzee Tommy could not be recognised as a "legal person" as it "cannot bear any legal duties".

The Nonhuman Rights Project had argued that chimps who had such similar characteristics to the humans deserved basic rights, including freedom.

And two things came to mind:

1.

and

2.

I mean, REALLY?

The "Nonhuman Rights Project"??? Seriously? Look, I understand that some people love animals (no, not THAT way, you perverts). I understand the desire to protect them, and I know folks tend to anthropomorphize animals often, especially pets. But you want to start granting rights to chimps? OH HELL NO.

Try working on getting our basic rights restored to us humans first, then we can talk.

But you want a monkey to have "basic rights", that sounds reasonable, right? It's a primate, we're primates, we're practically related in the big gene pool of life. It's when you realize these people have no intention at stopping at the primate order. First monkeys, then pets, then cows and chickens. Before you know it, we're starving to death and thinking longingly about soylent green.

Nope. Ain't gonna happen. I agree we need to have rules so that animals are not mistreated, that's just basic good karma (and, not for nothing, deliberate cruelty to animals is one of the three hallmarks of serial killers...). Give them rights, though? That's a one-way ticket to Nopesville.

I shudder to think who would be courting the invertebrate vote...

That is all.

Another dispatch from...

(image courtesy of Robb Allen)

A Word Or Two About Ebola...

Man, this is just turning into a complete and utter goat-rope, isn't it? I mean, we're seeing actual news articles out there that would have been rejected by the staff at the Onion for being too far-fetched:

First, we have a cleanup crew powerwashing the outside of an apartment where the first ebola patient was staying in the US after he vomited all over the sidewalk. Notice the distinct lack of anything even remotely resembling protective gear, caution tape, or anything that might indicate folks should stay away.


A nurse who treated the first ebola patient called the CDC to see if she should fly, even though she had begun to exhibit signs. The CDC cleared her to fly on multiple occasions. Now, it's bad enough that the CDC told someone that DIRECTLY INTERACTED WITH AN EBOLA PATIENT that it was okay to get on a plane despite running a fever, but for a gorram nurse to STILL GET ON THE PLANE???

We have a "supervisor" overseeing the transfer of someone stricken with ebola shown in immediate proximity to the patient with zero protective gear. The official Ishityounot explanation is that he needed to be able to see the transfer. Folks, if you believe that, I have oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you.

The director of the CDC is apparently telling people you can give - but not get - ebola on a bus. Because that makes ALL kinds of sense. If someone shouldn't get on a bus if they think they have the virus, then clearly you *could* catch it on a bus. Or a plane.

And speaking of planes, airports are now screening travelers arriving from West Africa. There's no word on what they're going to do if they do find someone with an ebola-like fever. $20 says they'll admit the person to a hospital, but not quarantine the entire plane.

---

And of course, there's the blame game:

Ebola is the fault of the NRA. Because the NRA opposes Vivek Murthy as the US Surgeon General, and is apparently the sole reason he has not been approved, the ebola outbreak happened. Or something like that.

Ebola is the fault of the GOP-led Congress. Apparently we're not shoveling money at ebola research fast enough. We can sponsor studies into why certain protected groups get fat and others don't, and waste allll kinds of money attempting to treat firearms like a disease, but cut funding even the slightest and ZOMG EBOLA.

---

Now, don't misunderstand me. I'm not panicking about ebola, far from it. What I am doing, though, is taking note of how pathetic our response has been. We haven't stopped people from coming to the US from infected areas, even though Europe has done exactly that, we haven't taken any serious measures whatsoever, and our policy appears to be little more than "run around like a decapitated chicken reacting poorly to every new twist in the crisis." I'm not filled with anything resembling confidence at how this administration would handle ANY crisis after watching their laughable response to the ebola situation.

Another thing that gets me, though, is that *both* sides have crackpot conspiracy theories out now. The loony left is represented above, while the crazy right is running around babbling about FEMA concentration camps and Obama canceling the mid-term elections using ebola as a cover. When both sides start coming out with batshit insane conspiracy theories, that's rather worrisome. I fear it's because the truth is almost scarier: This administration is in WAY over its head, has no f**king clue what it's doing, and hasn't the faintest idea how to deal with any of this. It appears their plan is nothing more than "hide under a pile of blankets and hope this all goes away."

I think I'd go for conspiracy theories, too.

That is all.

That's Gonna Leave A Mark...

Fresh on the heels of getting bitch-slapped by noted neocon Jimmy Carter is this new bumper sticker, seen and reported by Stretch:

Ouch. If it wasn't such a serious matter, being completely and utterly bumbled by the current clown-in-chief (apologies to clowns everywhere) with lives on the line, I'd laugh.

And yes, before you point it out, I know that the flu kills more people every year. So does pneumonia. Do a little analysis, though. Very rarely does the flu kill perfectly healthy people. Usually the fatalities are those whose immune systems are already compromised.

The other thing is that it was entirely preventable. Travel restrictions, screening of passengers, etc. - except that, in the name of political correctness, we didn't want to screen people from Africa for fear of appearing racist. For the love of all that's good and wholesome, just step in front of a bus now if you really think that way.

There's a disease that's pretty much limited to one geographical area. There's nothing racist about applying a little extra scrutiny to folks coming from that region. It's not everyday that we have a clear cut case of political correctness killing someone, but after this debaucle, it's a near-certainty.

And don't even get me started about us putting thousands of boots on the ground in West Africa to combat ebola but not a single one in Syria to combat ISIS...

That is all.

Can Somone 'Splain This To Me?

Because, um, WTF, over?

101st Airborne Soldiers Heading to Liberia

The commander of the Army's 101st Airborne Division at Fort Campbell, Kentucky, says a handful of his soldiers are already in Liberia, and more head there next week to build treatment centers and begin training medical personnel.

Maj. Gen. Gary J. Volesky says his soldiers went through a two days of training with the Center for Disease Control professionals and others to learn about the Ebola threat. He says medical personnel from Fort Detrick, Maryland, will be in Kentucky this week to give soldiers a six-hour training session on protective measures, including how to wear special protection equipment.

Now, maybe I'm ignorant of the way the Army is divided, but wouldn't the Corps of Engineers be better at building treatment centers? Wouldn't a medical corps be better at training medical personnel? I mean, I was under the impression that the 101st Airborne Division was in charge of air assault. In what special manner of hell is assisting third world s**tholes with infectious diseases in their job description?

I mean, it's almost like Obama is DARING the GOP to say something, it really is. Between this story - where we have several thousand US troops on the ground, in an area just rife with corruption and disease - and the recent news where an Obama administration official hand-delivered a note of praise to the mosque where the man accused of beheading an OK woman prayed? It's like he's just DARING the GOP to say something, so they can be smeared as racists.

I mean, it's hard to see how *anyone* could be this tone deaf. Even someone with as much favorable (read: fawning) media as Obama. Then again, it's not like a company his veep used to work for won a bid on military equipment. Oh, boy, then we'd really hear about it, wouldn't we? Or, maybe if someone in his family had heated words with drunken partygoers. I'm sure that would be front page news for a few weeks.

And let's not get into the horrors of being seen at a photo op with troops and a plastic turkey. That was impeachment-worthy, remember? Highly offensive, yadda yadda yadda - certainly a million times worse than being too gorram lazy to take a coffee cup out of your hand, right? The disparity has never been more clear than in the last two administrations as to which way the media winds blow.

It will be amazing if there's anything left of America after the next eight years of media "coverage" of President Hillary!...

That is all.

Another dispatch from...

(image courtesy of Robb Allen)

Consult The Book of Armaments!

Joseph in IL sends in a story that, honestly, I have no idea what to make of...

Fish and Wildlife Department Using 'Salmon Cannon' to Move Fish Upriver

Say goodbye to the lazy river. Salmon now have a cannon! Sounds fishy, but it's true. Whooshh Innovations, a Bellevue, Wash.-based company, has developed a product called the Fish Passage. Nicknamed the "salmon cannon," it is used to move salmon upstream much more quickly and safely than the fish are normally able to travel. The Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife has recently adopted the device to move Chinook salmon up the Washougal River about 120 feet in five seconds to a nearby truck, which then transports the fish to a hatchery. 

(On a side note, "Salmon cannon" would be an awesome name for a punk band)

There's video at the link. It's not really a cannon, it's more like a salmon vacuum. Which would also be a good name for a punk band. I think I speak for everyone when I say I want to see this weaponized. I want to watch our enemies on the battle field tremble in fear when our soldiers bellow "UNLEASH THE CANNON".

What's funny is that the article goes into the nuts and bolts of the cannon, but they never get into the real reason that the Department of Fish and Wildlife has to help salmon go upstream. Given that the cannon costs $150,000, it'd be germane to know why a chunk of tax dollars is going to help fish do what, well, they do anyways.

As Joseph states, what's next, a mackerel mortar? 

That is all.

That's A Damn Good Question...

Joseph in IL sends in this thought-provoking article.

How does a police department lose a Humvee?

One freezing day last December in the tiny town of Palestine, Ark., a young man climbed into the police department’s Humvee, turned it on, and drove off on a joy ride.

“It never crossed my mind” that anyone would do that, Palestine Police Chief Stanley Barnes said Wednesday of the incident. The Humvee, which the town of fewer than 700 people got for free through a controversial Pentagon program that gives old military equipment to local police departments, doesn’t have keys. But it’s easy to look up how to start one.

Okay, can someone explain something to me? How in blue bloody blazes does a town of 700 people get their hands on a Humvee? It's bad enough that they had one, but that it was stolen and vanished for a week before anyone noticed it was gone? Really?

The town I lived in in MA had a population of several thousand people when I was growing up. We had four full time officers, a couple auxiliary guys, and two squad cars, three if you counted the chief's unmarked. We managed to get by just fine with those three vehicles. You're telling me a town with nearly an order of magnitude fewer people needs a military grade vehicle? Really?

And while they might have gotten the Humvee from a military program designed to hand off older equipment to police forces, here's a few questions: How much does it cost to insure and maintain a Humvee? Wouldn't these vehicles be better off being sold to the general public and actually bring money in? I would imagine the cool factor would be sky-high for a genuine seen-the-elephant military vehicle.

Here's the best part of the whole story, though:

The police department now uses the massive wreck for parts for its other Humvee, which it also obtained from the Department of Defense Excess Property Program (DOD 1033) to help fight crime in the small town.

Got that? A town of 700 people has not one but two Humvees. They have as many Humvees as my town of 4-5K had police cars. With gas at anywhere from $3.50 to $4 a gallon, this town can afford to keep two separate Humvees running - until one got stolen and wrecked, that is. Notice, too, that there's no mention of them actually catching the person responsible. I'm really glad such a crack team of law enforcement professionals warrants two military vehicles to keep their town safe when they can't even keep track of a Humvee.

Notice, too, that "weapons of war" appear to have a place on our city streets, as long as they're commanded by the "right" people.

That is all.

Blame Gerry...

Gerry in IL sent this to me. It is so horrific that, naturally, I had to share it with you all...



Now, allegedly this is "art." Much like Ed Meese and his infamous definition for porn, I can't tell you what art is, but I'll know it when I'll see it. Some wrinkled prune shrieking at a microphone for several lifetimes (hey, that's what it felt like) ain't art no matter how many bands she broke up.

I honestly have no idea how Yoko Ono ever got considered as an "artist" or "musician," I really do. I can only surmise that it had to do with being the late 1960s and early 1970s and copious amounts of mind-altering substances rotted John Lennon's brain to the point where he confused her screeching with something resembling music. Once she got her hooks into Lennon, her place in pop culture was secured.

And we're left with seventeen hours of her shrieking into a microphone as "art" as a "thank you"...

That is all.

Cautionary Example...

#1 Blogdaughter sends in a story of someone who can only be trying to serve as one...

Michigan man entertains by draping self in 10,500 firecrackers, setting them off

John Fletcher gets a bang out of firecrackers — especially those he wraps around himself.

The Detroit News reports Saturday that the 51-year-old performer's act includes setting off 10,500 firecrackers attached to his body.

Fletcher goes by the name Ghengis John the Human Firecracker. He performed last weekend before 300 people and four firefighters at a motorcycle rally in western Michigan's Coopersville.

Sometimes, human stupidity amazes me, it really does. I especially liked this part:

Fletcher says that over 16 years he has set off 600,000 firecrackers attached to his body. His ribs have been fractured 17 times and once Fletcher says he was knocked unconscious.

Gee, you know, to the vast majority of folks, getting grievously injured doing something is a good object lesson on not doing that again. This guy has statistically broken his ribs once a year doing this. You think that might send a message. Apparently it does, only he hears it as "GRONK. GRONK. GRIBBLE GRONK"...

You know, it's one of those things. We spend our lives telling people not to do stupid things. We all know someone who got injured messing around with fireworks. There's always "this guy I knew back home" who blew off a finger with an M-80 or some other story like that. YouTube abounds with videos like these (Caution: Immature jackass using his derriere to launch bottle rockets):



We know it's bad. This guy knows it's bad. He has learned, OVER AND OVER AND OVER again, that igniting fireworks attached to his body leads to broken bones and pain. Yet he keeps doing it. At some point, you've just got to let go and realize that some people won't learn.

Some people are the statistical outliers that, despite being dumber than a box of rocks, have managed to make it to adulthood without drinking from a bottle with a skull and crossbones on it...

That is all.

WTF Vignettes...

From the BLNN:

Florida man seeks to wed his Apple computer

Chris Sevier, however, insists that this lawsuit needs his intervention on behalf of "other minority sexual orientation groups." He equates his thought process to gay couples having "the right to marry their object of sexual desire, even if they lack corresponding sexual parts."

As the Broward New Times reports, Sevier believes he should have the right to marry his "preferred sexual object." And that would be his "porn-filled Apple computer."

Um, yeah. About that... In a perfect world, the judge would have had this jackoff escorted from the courtroom, and then instructed the bailiff to give him a throat punch as a going-away present...

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House plant is heir to $5,000

Remember when New York hotel owner Leona Helmsley left her Maltese dog a mind-boggling $12 million in her estate? Back in 2007, when Helmsley died, her doggie-heir was seen as an eccentric sign of the ridiculous excess of the super-wealthy.

But that was then. Leaving money for the care of pets after an owner's death doesn't raises eyebrows so much anymore. But what about leaving money for the care of a house plant? The Wall Street Journal reports that a Pittsburgh woman plans to bequeath $5,000 in her will to a friend for the care of a 7-foot-tall, 42-year-old philodendron.

I was following along until they got to philodendrons. Forget that crap, man, those plants are evil...

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Vandals Flip Over Smart Cars in San Francisco

Someone's been vandalizing compact Smart cars in San Francisco, flipping the tiny vehicles on their front and rear ends in the city's streets.

NBC Bay Area found four of the targeted Smart cars between Sunday night and Monday morning. Two were found in the Bernal Heights neighborhood on Anderson Street, and another was found a bit south on Sweeny and Bowdoin streets, closer to the Portola district. They were either sitting on their headlights, rear bumpers high in the air, or vice versa.

I guess this is the urban hipster version of cow tipping. I think this is what happens when you have teeny cars and people who are bored. What I don't get is how on earth it took 6 people to flip one. A friend and I used to move the Toyota of a mutual friend around the parking lot at work by lifting the rear end off the ground (deactivating the e-brake) and carrying it.

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I think that's enough stupid for one day...

That is all.

From The WTF Files...

What the what?

Worker thinks body is mannequin, hauls it to dumpster

The body of a 96-year-old woman who fell from the 16th story of an apartment building where she had lived for years was toted to a trash bin because a clerk at the building thought the body was a mannequin.

Overnight desk clerk Ron Benjamin, 61, at Peterborough Apartments near downtown told investigators that he thought that the body was part of an April Fool's prank when he took a smoke break about 4:30 a.m. ET Wednesday and saw Nan Yates' body on the ground.

Now, as it turns out, the woman was 96 years old and decided to check out on her own terms - by swan-diving off the 16th floor. Folks, if you make it to 96 and are capable of flinging yourself off a 16th floor balcony, that's a pretty good life right there. The worker in question happened across the body after it had been on the ground for a while, and the theory is that rigor mortis had set in.

Folks, I don't know about you, but something tells me that a 96 year old woman taking a 16 story dirt dive isn't going to look anything even remotely like a mannequin. I don't even want to know what the heck the mannequins look like in this dude's neighborhood. I'm thinking they have to be a cross between The Joker and something out a Tim Burton animation...

And now that I've put THAT mental image in your head...

That is all.