Friday Yuks

Fresh off e-mail from OldNFO is this oldie but a goodie...

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by.

He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman... he's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone, and danced like a Broadway star. And you should have heard him play the piano! He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was somebody really special."

Cabbie: "Oh hell there's more”. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order, and which fork to eat it with. And he could fix anything---. Not like me -I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made mistakes, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never argue back, even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! I never knew him to make a mistake! No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie : "Well... I never actually met Frank. He died, and I married his freaken wife."

Wokka wokka wokka!

That is all.

Friday Funnies...

Sent to me by Gerry, who figured I'd appreciate it...

I heard that they found about 200 dead crows near Boston, MA. and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

They had a Bird Pathologist examine the remains of all the crows, & he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone's relief.

However, he determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, & only 2% were killed by an impact with a car. Boston then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine the disproportionate percentages for truck-versus-car kill.

The Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in short order. When crows eat road kill, they always set-up a look-out Crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

His conclusion was that all the lookout crows could say "Cah", but none could say "Truck."

Insert rimshot here...

That is all.

Another Friday Chuckle...

See in e-mail, in response to this link:

Report: Mexican Cartel Bought Guns From U.S. Border Patrol

The testimony of a Mexican hitman turned government witness has revealed some astonishing details of life inside Mexico’s criminal underworld. Most astonishing of all: claims that cartel assassins obtained guns from the U.S. Border Patrol.

According to Mexican magazine Revista Contralinea, the testimony comes from a protected government witness and former hitman, who cooperated in the prosecution of a Sinaloa Cartel accountant by the Mexican Attorney General’s Office. The testimony details a series of battles fought by a group of cartel members attempting to drive out rival gangsters from territory in Mexico’s desert west. To do it, the group sought weapons from the U.S., including at least 30 WASR-10 rifles — a variant of the AK-47 — allegedly acquired from Border Patrol agents.

This, BTW, would be the "Fast & Furious" program that many on the left have derided as a "right wing conspiracy theory", mind you.

The chuckle, though, was this parting thought:

After Obama signs the UN Small Arms Treaty, he can be prosecuted for repeatedly violating it!

That's about the best way to find a pony in all this I've seen yet...

That is all.

Disappointing...

Okay, so when I saw the headline, I thought this article might be good for laughs:

Craziest excuses for calling in sick

NEW YORK (CNNMoney) -- One employee said she couldn't come to work because her dog was having a nervous breakdown. Another said he forgot he'd been hired. A third was upset after watching The Hunger Games.

None of those are what I'd consider crazy, just kinda stupid. I was expecting excuses like "I was sold into a white slavery ring. I'll be in on Monday" or "There's a van parked outside my house with 'Flowers By Irene' on the side". A dog having a nervous breakdown? Meh. I've heard of someone calling in sick because their kids' guinea pig passed on and they were holding services; that's at least as "crazy" as a harried hound...

What's the craziest excuse you've ever heard (or used!) for calling in sick to work?

That is all.

Automotive Separated At Birth

Heh. I saw one of these the other day:

and it struck me just how much it reminded me of this:

Wonder if anyone in BMW's design group is a fan of Harold and Maude?
That is all.

Caution, Triskaidekaphobics!

It's the scariest day of them all, Friday the 13th! This is the day when Jason runs amok with his machete, betrays the son of G-d, and arrests the Knights of Templar. Or something like that.



Yeah. Back in 1980 I guess that was scary. I've never been able to get over the "wow, if someone only had a shotgun, this stupid movie would be over in 10 minutes" feeling - by and large, the "slasher" genre is filled with stupid people that couldn't catch a clue if they had a bucket filled with glue and a clue mating call. But I digress...

Don't visit any closed summer camps today, just to be on the safe side...

That is all,

Friday Fun Thread!

It's been a long, difficult week. We need some fun! In that vein, here's a good one from Andy:

If you had a time machine - could go to any year and set up a battle of the bands between 2 groups which would they be and when?

Hoo, boy, but that's a loaded question, isn't it? I think what he's getting at is that you could pick Aerosmith from 1972 to go up against Limp Bizkit from 2004 as opposed to current-day Aerosmith, etc. Hell, putting 1978 Van Halen against 2012 Van Halen would be pretty damn interesting right there. Duke Ellington and his Orchestra from ~ 1940 vs. Mighty Mighty Bosstones circa 1999? Metallica 1984 vs. pretty much anything masquerading as current "heavy metal"?

What would your timeless matchup be?

That is all.

Friday Funny...

OldNFO sends in an oldie but a goodie:

THE OFFICIAL TEXAS SHERIFF EXAM

A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman. He grew up big, 6' 2", strong as a longhorn, and fast as mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces.

When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department.

After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man's last interview.

The Chief Deputy said, "You're a big strong kid and you can really shoot. So far your qualifications all look good, but we have, what you might call, an"Attitude Suitability Test", that you must take before you can be accepted. We just don't let anyone carry our badge, son."

Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief said, "Take this pistol and go out and shoot: six illegal aliens, six lawyers, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, six Democrats, and a rabbit."

"Why the rabbit?" queried the applicant.

"Great attitude. You pass," said the Chief Deputy. "When can you start?"

Heh. I've heard a few variations on this one...

That is all.

Friday Fun Thread: Return of the Top Ten Car List!

I know, I know. It's been a while. I haven't posted a Top Ten car list in ages. A few months ago, I paid the Dodge Earthf**ker off, and lately have been idly daydreaming about a second vehicle. I still need the Ram for towing the camper and hauling stuff, but I've thought about another car for commuting and basic running around. And then I thought, hell, that's boring. What would I get for a second car if I were less practical?

So in that vein, here's ten cars I'd consider for a second vehicle:

1. Dodge Challenger. Yeah, I know, Chrysler took bailout money, yadda yadda yadda. But DAMN. Chrysler hit this one out of the damn park. The styling is dead-nuts perfect, a throwback to the muscle car era of the late 1960s/early 1970s; the motor is nothing short of phenomenal - 470 horsepower, 392 cubic inch V8 Hemi. The old muscle car grail was achieving one horsepower per cubic inch; the 392 beats that handily. The hardest part about this car would be staying out of jail...

2. Ford Mustang. Even the six cylinder Mustang has 300 horsepower. That's serious kick-ass. I've never owned a Ford in my life; I love the looks of the current model 'Stang, too. Oh, and the 5.0L motor is back and pushes out over 400 HP. Holy smokes.

3. Mitsubishi Eclipse. I came close to buying one of these when I started graduate school, and for some unknown reason I opted for a Plymouth Sundance. No, I don't know what I was thinking... The Eclipse is economical, yet still fun.

4. VW GTI. This is the only car on the list I've owned. I had a 1986 GTI, the second year of the Golf body style, after I graduated from college. Crazy fun to drive, insane on corners, and still delivered good gas mileage. Plus I'll get a damn two-door unlike Robb...

5. Chevrolet Camaro. Again, yes, I know, Government Motors, etc. Still. When I was 16, I wanted a Camaro (or Trans Am) more than anything else in the world. I wound up with a Buick Regal. Now it's time...

6. Subaru WRX. Okay, so maybe I played "Need for Speed" a little too much on the ol' Playstation, but a WRX would be crazy fun to play with. Maybe even get back into autocrossing... Okay, maybe not...

7. Nissan Altima Coupe. The Altima coupe is a tough one. On the one hand, the four cylinder is (for a Nissan) economical to buy and good on gas. On the other hand, the six cylinder puts 270 HP to the pavement - some 50 HP more than the "muscle car" Mustang GT of the late 1980s...

8. Honda CR-Z. Probably the most conservative car on the list, the CR-Z is, at heart, a Honda. Reliable, simple, economical, yet with a little bit of fun in the paddle shifters in the CVT automatic transmission - that gets 35 MPG around town.

9. Scion FR-S. It's about the only Toyota I'd consider. Rear-wheel drive, 200 HP inline four, six speed transmission, and Toyota quality? Sign me up!

10. Hyundai Genesis Coupe. Yeah, I know, it's Hyundai. But they've got a decent warranty, and the price is decent, and the gas mileage ain't too shabby either. It'd be a cheap way to get the "red sports car" out of my mid-life crisis...

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So what's your choice for an affordable, fun second car?

That is all.

Friday Funnies...

Heh. Sent in by Stickman:

Dogs Know,

Have you ever heard that a dog 'knows' when an earthquake is about to hit?

Have you ever heard that a dog can 'sense' when a tornado is stirring up, even 20 miles away?

Do you remember hearing that before the December tsunami struck Southeast Asia , dogs started running frantically away from the seashore, at breakneck speed?

Do you know that dogs can detect cancer and other serious illnesses and danger of fire?

Somehow they always know when they can 'go for a ride' before you even ask. How do those dogs and cats get home from hundreds of miles away?

I'm a firm believer that animals - and especially cats and dogs - have keen insights into the Truth.

And you can't tell me that dogs can't sense a potentially terrible disaster well in advance.

Simply said, a dog just KNOWS when something isn't right... when impending doom is upon us.

They'll always try to warn us!


We should have listened.

I'm sorry - this was too good to not pass along...

That is all.

Pure. Comic. Gold.

John Farrier was kind enough to send this to me via e-mail:

I asked for a manly lunch box. This is what my wife bought me.

Just go read. Read the whole thing, seriously. It's comedic gold. The threads and tangents the post takes are just amazing. There's a whole "Ramirez" thread; the evolution of and critique of the MRE; camping hipsters; and wife/gun puns. Just go read. You won't be disappoint.

Everyone needs a larf on a Friday, right?

That is all.

Friday Funnies...

Heh. Sent in by stickman (who should totally donate to Kilted to Kick Cancer through my site!):

YOU HAVE TO LOVE A GOOD NURSE

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch.

Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all. Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, 'Get well soon. from the nurse in the Jeep you pulled over last week.'

Kinda brings tears to your eyes doesn't it.

Remember folks, never mess with a nurse...

That is all.

Friday Funnies...

Skidmark sends in this one, knowing my inordinate geekitude and love of faux periodic tables:



He's got a good point, though:

You will notice there is no Det Cord. Thus this can only be an alleged Table of Awesome.

True dat...

That is all.

Better Examples for Art's Sake...

Yesterday I posted a disturbing video of a Porsche 911 being crushed into a cube in the name of art. It got me to thinking, though - what cars should be tossed into a crusher for art's sake? Or just because they deserve to be crushed into a cube?

So here's my list of cars to substitute for the Porsche 911 in the crusher:

1. Pontiac LeMans. No. NO NO NO NO NO. You did NOT just take the marque from the entry level 1960s/70s muscle car and slap it on some Korean POS. WHY GM WHY!

2. Chrysler K-Car. Really? Do I need to say anything about why the K-Car deserves to die?

3. Renault Alliance. Ugly styling *and* French engineering! If only it exploded on impact! Add in that it was grossly underpowered and tended to stop running after distances measured in feet, and the Alliance (trying to capitalize on Star Wars, perhaps?) never really caught on. I'm surprised there aren't support groups - except that would mean folks would have to admit to owning one.

4. Ford Mustang II. Gah. Whoever thought that putting the Mustang label on this rolling turdwagon should have been fired. Ideally from a cannon. Seriously underpowered and hampered by the pollution controls of the mid 1970s, the Mustang II also had a tendency to rot into the ground while leaving the showroom.

5. Hyundai XL. Hyundai's first entry into the American car market was aimed at first time car buyers and people with no concept of "Korean POS". Those foolish enough to buy Hyundai's XL quickly learned that there was a reason the Hyundai was so much cheaper than an American car - the quality was so piss-poor it made the quality of the 1980s American car look good.

6. AMC Matador. From the odd AMC door handles to the droopy body curves, the Matador was just too ugly to live... Fortunately, they were so big and heavy that they couldn't get very far with the inline six. Or the V8 for that matter...

7. Geo Metro. The Metro is the perfect comeback to the Toyota Prius crowd. The Metro got 45 MPG around town and 50+ MPG on the highway, and they couldn't give them away. Partly the small size, but also the fact that the Metro had an engine smaller than a good number of motorcycles hampered sales...

8. Subaru Justy. Subaru cut their teeth in the American car market making small cars that ran really well. With the Justy, they cut far too many corners, produced a steaming turd on wheels, and did significant damage to the brand. Everyone gets one Edsel, apparently...

9. Chevrolet Vega. I believe it was Dave Barry who opined that the Vega was actually made out of compressed rust. Personally, I think that was a feature, as it got the Vega off the road faster...

10. Ford Pinto. Yeah, yeah, it's a staple (but I didn't include the Edsel, because IMHO it's a good looking car). Explodes when hit from the rear. Caused Lee Iacocca to comment "Success [the Mustang] has many parents. Failure [the Pinto] is an orphan".

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What cars would you want to see turned into a cube?

That is all.

Friday Fun Thread: Jay's Two Wheel Faves...

Earthquakes. Tsunamis. Meltdowns. Gun Control. Lots of dour, serious stuff in the news. It gets depressing after a while, so here's a fun thread that'll help bring thoughts of springtime, wind in your face and bugs in your teeth. Here are my Top Ten favorite current production motorcycles!

1. Harley Davidson Electra Glide. Sentimental favorite gets the #1 spot - since I own an FLHT already, I'd love to get one of the new ones with fuel injection and the larger engine (mine's the 88 ci Twin Cam, they're up to 96 ci now IIRC).

2. Ducati Superbike 1198 SP. Because if you're going to go insane fast, risking life and limb for the ultimate adrenaline rush, what better to do it on than a sexy piece of Italian motorcycle?

3. Honda ST1300. A Sport/Touring bike bridges the gap between "lumbering behemoth that holds a lot of gear" and "quick and nimble but leave everything but your cell phone home".

4. Yamaha VMAX. I have loved the VMAX since it's introduction in 1985 What a concept - an all-out bruiser of a bike that doesn't kill your back if you ride it for more than 20 minutes.

5. Harley Davidson Softail Rocker C. Something about the styling of this bike just calls to me. It's a factory custom chopper - with a hideaway passenger seat. Way too cool!

6. Victory Vision 8-Ball. Damn, but that is one sexy art-deco styled bike. It's nice to have another American motorcycle company to chose from, and this is something that the boys in orange and black don't have any even remotely close to.

7. Honda CBR1000RR. Because you need something that'll humble a Ferrari that isn't made in Italy... I would most likely lose my license and/or a good chunk of skin with this bike. But boy, I would do it fast...

8. Kawasaki KLR650. Someday I'd like to see about getting TheBoy his own bike, something along the lines of a Honda 50 or so. The Kawasaki gets me on the trail with him - and I can take it to work, too.

9. Harley Davidson Sportster XR1200X (in black). One of the offerings from Buell would have made this list, easy, if they were still in business. That said, the XR1200X is just pure awesome - it's a Harley that you can actually whip through the twisties without scraping chrome.

10. Honda Goldwing. Nothing, but nothing, eats up the miles like a Hondabago. Nothing. The Goldwing has been the premiere touring motorcycle for nearly 40 years, and with good reason.

(Note: all picture links are to the manufacturer's websites)

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So what are your favorite two-wheeled scoots?

That is all.

"Lottery" Cars...

A while back Marko talked about his "million dollar garage". He then asked a simple question:

So, you just won a cool $300 million in the Multi-State SuperMegaBux. You build a swank new mansion for the family, with a big-ass garage. Your challenge is to pick five brand new current-production automobiles to fill that new garage of yours.

Well, knowing my penchant for Top Ten lists, I'm going to modify it. I'm a car nut probably just about as much as I'm a gun nut, so I'll run two lists: the first will be the "instant gratification" list, which will fulfill Marko's request for the five new cars. The second list will be my "down-the-road" list, the cars that might take time to find, fix, etc.

---

Current list:

1. Ferrari 599 GTO. Red. Sleek. Fast. This car is extra-expensive because you have to buy a judge to cover the speeding tickets. WANT WANT WANT.

2. Cadillac XLR-V. Yeah, I know, Government Motors, blah blah blah. It's a Corvette with Cadillac cladding. It's the go-fast car for the Goodfellas set. I yearn to set my inner Guido free...

3. Mercedes SLS AMG. Um. It's a gullwing Mercedes. 563 HP. 'Nuff said? The '63 300 would have made the classic list if this modern incarnation didn't exist.

4. Porsche 911 Speedster. Yeah, I'd line up my millions to get one of the 356 made... The 911 is one of my favorite models ever, a car I've wanted to own since I was about 8 years old.

5. Shelby GT500. There's something about a Mustang pushing out 540 horsepower that just makes this red-blooded American male's pulse go THUMP THUMP THUMP...

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Classic list:

1. 1959 Cadillac El Dorado Biarritz convertible. This is, hands down, my all-time favorite automobile. The fins. The length. Designed by Harley Earl. I would most likely get two of these: one to restore to pristine factory condition, the other to restore but with a modern powerplant and conveniences for a daily driver.

2. 1969 Pontiac GTO Judge. The GM quartet - the Buick GNX, Chevy Chevelle, Olds Cutlass 442, and the GTO - were some of the fastest, baddest cars on the road in the late 1960s/early '70s, and the GTO Judge was the baddest of the bad.

3. Ferrari Barchetta. Sure, "Red Barchetta" by Rush factors into this, but no car collection is truly complete without a rare Ferrari, right? Just ask Cameron Frye...

4. 1987 Buick Grand National. Arguably the greatest American car of the 1980s. 3.8L turbocharged and intercooled V6 engine that could eat any of the V8s out of Detroit. Plus a handling package that made the lumbering Buick almost nimble.

5. Shelby AC Cobra. The ne plus ultra of American muscle, the AC Cobra was a (barely) street legal monstrosity capable of near-200 MPH top speeds. It was built as a Corvette beater, and it succeeded.

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So what are your five (or ten) cars on the lottery list?

That is all.

Top Ten List... Bring the Rage/Hate...

Okay. Whenever I post Top Ten [Worst/Least X/etc.] Cars, I get hate mail. Might as well shoot for the moon with this one. Here's the Top Ten list of cars I hate...

1. Toyota Prius. A.K.A. the car for people bad at math. For an extra $10K, you can save $600 a year!

2. Ford Excursion. Not because Ford made it, but because they discontinued it. WUSS!

3. SMART Car. Tiny, two seats, and barely 30MPG on the highway? WTF?

4. Honda Fit. It's significantly smaller than the Civic, yet gets the same gas mileage. Um... FAIL.

5. Cadillac Escalade EXT. Look! A Chevy Avalanche! With $25,000 worth of badges!

6. Ford Explorer Sport-Trac. Whose bright idea was it to equip a truck with a 3' bed?

7. Hummer H3. Um, isn't it just a Chevy Colorado with a different shell?

8. MINI. For being so damned big. I want a car with 10" rims again!

9. Jaguar. Because, dude. Your quality improved when you got bought out by Fix Or Repair Daily...

10. Chevrolet Corvette. Because it no longer has a big block and sidepipes. Or pop-up headlights. I want the head of the person responsible for civilizing the Corvette...

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So there's my list of top ten cars I love to hate. Some of them deserve to be on this list, some are just personal preference and maybe shouldn't make it. I'm certain I missed others that most decidedly belonged on the list; I tried to keep it to current(ish) cars otherwise the list would have been three damn pages long...

What cars do you love to hate?

That is all.

Futurific!

PISSED sends this link of Top Ten Current Concept cars.

I like this one best:

(picture from link here)

That's an Aston Martin AMV10, and it is yet another stunning offering from the folks that brought you the DB-4, DB-7, and DB-9. I'd say that lives up to its pedigree... The list is replete with current concept cars - no Lincoln Futura or Buick Y-Job here - but it's interesting to note that no American concepts make the list. German, French, Italian, Japanese, and even Korean marques are represented, but nothing from Ford or Government Motors (I or II). Sad, really.

After all these wonderful tales of goblins getting their just desserts, what better way to wrap things up than with some beautiful cars?

That is all.

Friday Fun Thread: Songs of the Road

It's been a while since we had a good Friday Fun thread (about a month IIRC), and I've had this one kicking around for a while (heck, I may have done it before for all I can remember...) Today's fun thread is about your favorite driving tunes - those songs that, when they come on the radio (yeah, I know, playlist on your mp3 player, bear with me) you can't help but sing along to, all the while your right foot puts greater and greater pressure on the gofastinator...

Here's my Top Ten Driving Tunes:

1. "Move It On Over" by George Thorogood and the Delaware Destroyers. I've been pulled over no less than three times that can be directly attributed to this song playing. There's just something about the combination of the lyrics and the wailing Gibson just sends the foot to the floor and the needled into the "is this trip really necessary" zone.

2. "Unchained" by Van Halen. This is just one of those songs that so totally and thoroughly kicks ass that it pretty much belongs on any list. This is my standard response to anyone who claims that Van Hagar was the better group, too - while I appreciate the contribution that Sammy made to the band, Roth's unique vocals, especially in Unchained, blended with Eddie's hammering guitar were legend. This is one of those tunes that gets the volume cranked up to 11, the blood flowing, and for three short minutes I'm 17 again.

3. "Hot Rod Lincoln" by Commander Cody and his Airmen. "She's got eight cylinders, uses 'em all; she got overdrive, just can't stall". Oh. Hell. Yes. Just thinking about this song gets my right foot tappin' and wanting to press down on the accelerator... This is one of those songs you can loop over and over on a driving tape (ha! showing your age here Jay!) and not get tired of it.

4. "Thunderstruck" by AC/DC. I deliberated between this and "Highway to Hell" for a good long time; Highway to Hell certainly has the lyrics backing it up. I went with "Thunderstruck" for a very simple reason - I have clear and vivid memories of listening to this on the radio in my Buick as I blasted down back roads at speeds that can only be considered ludicrous...

5. "I Can't Drive 55" by Sammy Hagar. Oh yeah, the '80s paean to Ferarris, big hair, and neon yellow jumpsuits makes the list. With a video custom tailored to a teenaged boy's imagination and Sammy's hammerin' guitar, this is one of those enduring classics (did I really just use the word "classic" to describe "I Can't Drive 55"???) that gets the hammer down.

6. "Born to be Wild" by Steppenwolf. Yeah, it's a cliché, but it's a cliché for a reason - it totally kicks ass. You cannot hear this song without imagining yourself on a motorcycle with the throttle held wide open. Besides, either this or "Magic Carpet Ride" have to make any top ten list of kick ass songs. I think it's in the Constitution somewhere.

7. "Fuel" by Metallica. Speed metal and driving really fast seem to go together like chocolate and peanut butter - something about the wail of a shredding guitar and the hum of a blackwall going close to triple digits just meshing well. Do not listen to this song going through Connecticut or New York, as it's almost guaranteed to get you going at least slightly above the speed limit, and they'll nail ya for it...

8. "I'm Bad, I'm Nationwide" by ZZ Top. The Trio from Texas has to make the list, and while this is more of a cruisin' tune than a hammerin' down the highway tune, it's just a fun song to have playing while the miles roll on.

9. "Life is a Highway" by Tom Cochrane. The former front man for Red Ryder had his one breakout hit with this tune, later remade by Rascal Flatts for Pixar's "Cars". It's a little more easygoing road tune, perfect for when you've got the cruise control set on a lonesome stretch of highway out in the middle of nowhere and just need something to keep time as the telephone poles whiz by.

10. "Gearjammer" by George Thorogood and the Delaware Destroyers. Lonesome George gets two slots on the list because of this wailing, screaming, driving tune. If he hadn't covered Hank Williams' "Move It On Over" this probably would have made the top slot. It also happens to be one of the few songs I can play on the guitar (well, I used to play; it's been a while...)

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So there's my Top Ten Driving Tunes - now what are yours?

That is all.

Friday "Fun" Thread... More Bad Drivers

After some 21 hours behind the wheel and some 1,300 miles added to the odometer of my truck, there are certain highway drivers that need to be called out for special recognition on this Friday Fun Thread. Here are my top ten least favorite people on the highway:


1. Pacing the car in the right lane in the passing lane. I don't think anyone makes me wish I had a grenade launcher more than this jerk. The passing lane - big surprise - is for passing. Pulling into the passing lane and then matching the person next to you is just a dick move.


2. Speeding up after I've passed you. Look, I've got my cruise control on. I've had it on for the past 50 miles or so. Getting all butthurt because I'm going faster than you - and I'm only exceeding the speed limit by 5 MPH - and cranking up your speed so I can't merge back in is dangerous and stupid.

3. Weaving in and out of traffic. See above comment about grenade launcher. These drivers infuriate me - especially because they don't gain anything except my undying enmity for cutting people off, making dangerous lane changes, and generally acting like extras on the set of "The Fast and the Foolish"...

4. Ignoring the "X Lane Closed" signs until your car nudges the barrel. Um, no. I will actually drive your car into the jersey barrier with my truck before I let you into traffic. The DOT puts up signs for like two miles informing you that the lane is closing. Ignoring them until the last second doesn't get you any sympathy with me.

5. Anyone that cuts off a tractor trailer. I have to admit to some bias here, as I've run into the same types of issues towing my camper. We're big. Unwieldy. Don't stop on a dime. Don't rip out onto the highway directly in front of us, because we have two options: 1. Go tearing off into the woods; or 2. Punt your car into a tree. I'll choose option 2 every damn time.

6. The idiots that SLAM on their brakes when there's a cop on the side of the road. Extra hate bonus points if a) The cop already has someone pulled over; b) You're going the speed limit already; or c) It's the opposite side of the highway.

7. Rubberneckers. Oh dear Lord. Is there anything worse than sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic for 20 minutes, creeping along at 10 MPH, only to discover that the reason for the slow down is a fender bender? On the other side of the damn highway?

8. People who can't secure loads. One of the most frightening experiences of my life came early one morning on the interstate. I came around a corner (at a rather high rate of speed, since it was like 5AM and I was alone on the highway) to find the cap to a pickup truck sitting in between two travel lanes.

9. Tailgaters. This one is such a staple that I figured it could be near the end. Look, if there's traffic as far as the eye can see, getting ~ 2 feet off my bumper isn't going to do you a damn bit of good. I understand that I am not traveling as fast as you would like. However, my speeding up would necessitate pushing a long line of cars out of the way first. All you're going to accomplish is making me emulate person #1 above...

10. People that throw trash out of the cars. Littering is a pretty jerkoff move to begin with, but add in on the highway at a high rate of speed and it's downright dangerous. That soda can that you just carelessly tossed out of your window could break my windshield at 75 MPH - or knock me clear off my motorcycle if I'm not careful. Keep a plastic bag in your car so I don't have to hunt you down later.

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So there's my list of Top Ten highway jerks. I'm certain that I could have gone for another 10 easily, maybe 20, but figured we could save that for another time. I noticed most of these types on the drive out to and home from OH - personally, I blame NY just because...

What are your most hated types of inconsiderate highway drivers?

That is all.