Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Road... RAGE...

It's interesting, is it not, that I managed to drive some 2800 miles to/from FLA and 1800 miles to/from NC with nary a road rage story, yet on my 15 mile commute to work I encounter someone so monumentously stupid that it pegs the rage-o-meter...

Driving down a major thoroughfare, I watch the moron in the white Prius back SLOWLY out of his driveway. He takes his sweet time as I stab my brakes, putting the car in gear only after it's been at a complete stop for three full seconds, and then pulling away from the stop as though he were deathly afraid of the accelerator (which, in a Toyota, he might have reason...). He then proceeded to travel 10-15 MPH under the speed limit the rest of the time I was behind him (fortunately only 3-4 miles), stopped in the middle of an intersection, and turned with no signal.

Jackass, in your honor I spent 20 minutes in a vacant parking lot doing donuts just to waste the gas you're saving. I might even do it again tonight to burn more hydrocarbons needlessly JUST FOR YOU so that the savings to Mother Gaia from driving your Smugmobile are canceled by my gas-guzzling behemoth. Here's a thought, too - while you think you're saving the planet by driving slowly, you're making all those other, less economical cars work below their level of peak efficiency, thus lowering the overall benefit to the environment.

In short, if I were to hear that your Smugmobile randomly accelerated into one of those trucks that pump out septic tanks, I'd laugh like a tickled hermit...

That is all.

11 comments:

PISSED said...

I'd laugh like a tickled hermit...

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA never heard that one!

BTW.. I won't send you any blood pressure raising links today.
I'm sure its high enough.

Bram said...

How tempting it must have been to just push that electric piece of junk down the road at the speed limit?

Weer'd Beard said...

There was road rage...just nothing super note-worthy.

BobG said...

Jay, do you shave your head, or do you pull your hair out while driving to work every day?
Just wonderin'. ;)

SpeakerTweaker said...

In short, if I were to hear that your Smugmobile randomly accelerated into one of those trucks that pump out septic tanks, I'd laugh like a tickled hermit...

I'm thinking about the chase scene in Back To The Future that ends in, well, you know...

;)



tweaker

DaddyBear said...

Jay, thanks for reminding me that there are morons wherever you go.

Brad_in_IL said...

Speaker,

I saw a DeLorean in Westford, MA just the other day . . . . but it wasn't sporting a flux capacitor.

- Brad

Michael in CT said...

I've driven in NJ, NY, NH, RI, PA, VA and MD and consistently the stupidest drivers I encounter are from either CT or MA. When I come back from NJ after visiting family, as soon as I cross the CT state line it's like entering an insane asylum on the roads. And don't get me started on mini-van drivers.

AAcid said...

They're called Massholes for a reason.

Anonymous said...

I've found Prius owners to be smug egotistic introverts. While driving on the interstate, they appear to be fully observed in maximizing the mpg's being calculated on their dashboard, while being oblivious to the traffic around them and afraid to use the car's turning indicators. I enjoy buzzing them on the interstate at 80 mph, while getting better than 37 mpg in my diesel Jetta.

Anonymous said...

A couple of weeks ago I was behind a similarly driven Prius. When I got a chance to go around, I floored the throttle instead of accelerating smoothly. Did I mention I drive a big ol' Dodge diesel earthfucker which emits great clouds of smoke if you floor it? Satisfaction.

John's dad.