Eleven years ago today a seven-pound, six ounce bundle of baby boy came screaming into the world and changed life as I knew it forever. No one ever prepares you for how completely and utterly your life changes when you have kids - they focus on the little things, like the lack of sleep during the baby phase, or the Terrible Twos, or potty training, or... But no one ever says, hey, this little screaming bundle of kid is going to have you standing on your front lawn one afternoon SHRIEKING at "those damn teenagers" to "slow the hell down before [they] kill someone"...
Being a dad has fundamentally changed who I am. A month before my son was born, I was overweight and smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. On his eleventh birthday, I've gone 11 years without cigarettes, am down to my goal weight, and work out on a regular basis. I've taken dramatic steps to make bold, positive changes in my lifestyle because I want to set a good example for my kids. I don't want them to see a smoker, or a couch potato, or an obese tub of goo who can't keep up with them.
Kids fundamentally change your life, no question about that. From the carefree lifestyle I enjoyed in my 20s suddenly replaced by a crushing fear of the unknown: What if I make a terrible dad? What if I repeat the mistakes my dad made? What if I drop dead tomorrow and leave my son never knowing his own father? And then you push onwards, because it's the thing that needs to be done.
You drop your child off at daycare, heart breaking because you have to leave them. You bring them to the bus stop on their first day of kindergarten, absolutely petrified of the changes in their lives. You watch them succeed, and your heart soars; you watch them fail and your world crumbles. And at every step of the way you try your damnedest to be there, either as a shoulder to cry on and a comforting word, or to clap and cheer and generally embarrass the heck out of them.
But most of all, you're just there for them.
3 for 3
That's TheBoy at last weekend's Camporee, where his WeBeLoS II den spent a good chunk of their weekend with the Boy Scout Troop participating in challenges, cooking meals, and generally learning what life in Boy Scouts is all about. He's still on the fence about joining, but I suspect with a few more outings he'll be hooked (and Dad will be on the hook...) :)
Happy birthday buddy - I love you!
That is all.
9 comments:
I know you know all this now Jay, but I'll offer some answers for any dads-to-be with these questions.
What if I make a terrible dad?
The fact that you worried about it was your first step in not letting that happen. (Worst case, Child Protective Services steps in.)
What if I repeat the mistakes my dad made?
So what? You survived his mistakes. Kids are a lot more resilient than we give them credit for.
What if I drop dead tomorrow and leave my son never knowing his own father?
My wife's father died when she was ten, and she turned out all right. My son's mother died when he was 11, and he's a lot smarter and better adjusted than I was at his age now. (He's 16.) Did they miss their departed parents? Of course; they always will. But they're both survivors. Most kids are.
And then you push onwards, because it's the thing that needs to be done.
Exactly. It's like playing music: you can't stop and start over in front of the audience. You've got to let go of the clinkers and keep going.
The one thing I wish someone had explained to me when I was looking at impending fatherhood was that you don't have to take care of a child all at once. You don't get smelly diapers, potty training, the Terrible Twos, food fights, fevers, teacher conferences, driver's education, cops at the front door, and university tuition statements all on the same day. (If you do it's because you've got way too many kids, but by then you already know how to handle them.)
You're doing all right, Jay, because you're worrying about the right things. Maybe you've noticed it's not about you, it's about them. With that attitude you'll do great.
Happy birthday to TheBoy!
If that isn't humbling-
Good on you Jay, and happy birthday to TheBoy!
The important thing to remember as he enters the 'tweens and teens is that you are not looking for obedience, but you are looking for cooperation. Your job becomes more of teaching them to be even more independent, with ability to make sound judgements on their own.
The Cub Scout program as it transitions to Boy Scouts via Webelos recognizes this. Find a Troop with him that absolutely utilizes the Patrol Method and is Scout run. It can sometimes appear to be confusing, chaotic, and messy, but the boys thrive and rise to meet the challenge. A Scout's rotation through the troop's leadership positions teaches by doing.
For you, moving from a Den Leader or Cubmaster to Scoutmaster or Assistant Scoutmaster is also a big transition. You still want them to advance and learn, but you must let them make mistakes along the way while still being safe. My son's Den Leader and myself as Cubmaster attended both Webelos Leader Training and Scoutmaster Training during our sons' first months of Webelos to help the Cub Scouts transition through Webelos to Boy Scouts without culture shock.
And now he's GONNA WIN THE PINEWOOD DERBY!
I can't say it any better than Dave already has.... +1
Happy birthday to TheBoy! You've done a good job with him.
Happy birthday to the boy - Miss 10's sent him a e-card so get him to check his email :)
You're doing a great job of being a good dad JayG .... setting a positive example is one of the best things parents can do!
BTW Miss 10 has decided that she's going to move to Scouts this year (starts Monday)!
Jay, I have webelos memories from Milwaukee, WI circa 70's
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